The truly terrible joke thread

[Joe the Destroyer]

Two muffins are sitting in an oven.  One looks at the other and says, "Man, is it hot in here or what?"  The other says, "AHHH!  A TALKING MUFFIN!"

[zombie no.one]

how many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?

two - one to hold it in place, and one to get so high the room starts spinning

[Trevor]

how many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?

two - one to hold it in place, and one to get so high the room starts spinning

That one made this baby of the 1960's go

[Rev. Powell]

A new trend in spam: spambots are trying to post lame jokes on my blog in an attempt to get their comments approved.

Example:

Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? He decided to stick it out for one more year!

[Mofo Rising]

A new trend in spam: spambots are trying to post lame jokes on my blog in an attempt to get their comments approved.

Example:

Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? He decided to stick it out for one more year!

I prefer the old random patches of text garbled together spam. It had a certain vulgarity-oriented poetry to it.

Did you know that as you get older jokes start making less and less sense?
Invisible robot fish.

[The Burgomaster]

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Grape.

Grape who?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Grape.

Grape who?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Grape.

Grape who?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you glad it isn't grape again?

[Leah]

Free Refills are only $1.99!
$1.99 hot dogs are $2.50!

[Mr. DS]

Did you guys hear the one about the sidewalk?

Its all over the town.

[indianasmith]

Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine that married a pincushion?

[Ed, Ego and Superego]

Masochist: Hurt me.
Sadist: No

[retrorussell]

2 sperm are swimming in a woman's body.  One says to the other, "how soon do we get to the ovaries?"  The other says, "It'll be awhile.  We haven't even passed her tonsils yet."

Also:

2 men are sitting on a fence.  One says to the other, "Do you and your wife have mutual climax?"  The other stops and thinks for a second, then answers, "No.. I think it's State Farm."

[Trevor]

One I've never got............ 

"What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord? My ass."

 

[Derf]

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

He heard the ref was blowing fowls.

[Chainsawmidget]

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of a  tall sky scraper.

One man turns to the other and says: "You know if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so strong that they carry you around the building and back into the window."

The 2nd Man says "What are you a nut? There is no way that could happen."

"No it's true let me prove it to you." The 1st man says.  So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the  street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.

The 2nd Man tells him "You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."

"No, I'll prove it again" and again the 1st man jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently  carries him around the building and into the window.

He gets back up stairs and turns to the 2nd man.  "See?  It always works.  Go head.  Give it a shot!"

So the second man agrees to try it out.  He jumps over the edge and plunges down.  He goes right past the 10th floor and hits the pavement with a splat. 

Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker:  "You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you've been drinking."

[Skull]

Two guys are going camping and they forget to bring some toliet paper along.

The first guy had a sudden urge to take a dump and was upset about not having any toliet paper, "What should I do? I need to go really bad."

"This is the woods," the other guy said, "use the leaves."

The first guy didnt like that idea, "The leaves has bugs and prickly things."

"Ok, then use a dollar bill." The other guy suggested.

It seemed like a good idea so the first guy went behind the bush and took his dump; afterwords he came back with poop over his hands.

"Hay! why didnt you used the dollar bill?" The other guy asked.

"I didnt have a dollar bill, so I used 4 quarters instead."