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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  The truly terrible joke thread « previous next »
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Author Topic: The truly terrible joke thread  (Read 405575 times)
zombie no.one
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Posts: 5114


Oookaay...


« Reply #105 on: April 14, 2010, 09:52:56 PM »

When I left home my mother said "Don't forget to write". I said, "That's unlikely, it's a basic skill"
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The Mandela Effect is a Mandela Effect
SPazzo
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 166
Posts: 1302


My kinda toy...


« Reply #106 on: April 15, 2010, 12:18:35 AM »

What's green and f**ks grannies?

Me, in my lucky green raincoat.
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Raffine
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 812
Posts: 4466



« Reply #107 on: April 15, 2010, 07:36:48 PM »

Why can't people who live across the street from a cemetary be buried there?










They're not dead.
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If you're an Andy Milligan fan there's no hope for you.
Flick James
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 489
Posts: 4642


Honorary Bastard of Arts


« Reply #108 on: April 16, 2010, 11:44:44 AM »

I've always been a fan of the classic:

Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: The fish.
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I don't always talk about bad movies, but when I do, I prefer badmovies.org
Joe the Destroyer
Guest
« Reply #109 on: April 19, 2010, 04:04:34 PM »

Old presidential joke:

What do pantyhose and Saddam Husein have in common?
They irritate Bush.
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TheDope
Movie Reviewer And Professional Nit-Picking Geek
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 244
Posts: 1613


Gone but not forgotten... well, KINDA forgotten.


WWW
« Reply #110 on: April 19, 2010, 06:44:27 PM »

A nun, a horse, a dog and a rabbi walk into a bar.  The bartender looks at them and says, What is this, some kind of joke?"
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TheDope: bringing the conversation to a grinding halt since 2002.
Mr. DS
Master Of Cinematic Bowel Movements
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1869
Posts: 15511


Get this thread cleaned up or YOU'RE FIRED!!!


WWW
« Reply #111 on: April 19, 2010, 07:13:53 PM »

Did you hear the one about the butter and cream cheese?

Don't spread them around...
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DarkSider's Realm
http://darksidersrealm.blogspot.com/

"You think the honey badger cares?  It doesn't give a sh*t."  Randall
El Misfit
[Insert witty here]
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1103
Posts: 12892


Hi there!


« Reply #112 on: April 19, 2010, 09:26:17 PM »

What did the cucumber say to the onion rings. I'm already prickly because of you.
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yeah no.
Raffine
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 812
Posts: 4466



« Reply #113 on: April 19, 2010, 10:29:41 PM »

Why can't people who live across the street from a cemetary be buried there?
They're not dead.

 BounceGiggle BounceGiggle

Where you are in the world, Raff: I've been told that those that have passed there don't rest easy.

The American Institute of Parapsychology named Savannah the "Most Haunted American City".

Bite on that, New Orleans!  TongueOut
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If you're an Andy Milligan fan there's no hope for you.
Raffine
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 812
Posts: 4466



« Reply #114 on: April 19, 2010, 10:38:33 PM »

Can you use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence?

My new coat's got nine buttons but I can only fascinate.

---------------------------------------------------------------

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

---------------------------------------------------------------


Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?

Because someone told him to get along little doggy.
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If you're an Andy Milligan fan there's no hope for you.
Allhallowsday
B-Movie Kraken
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Karma: 2280
Posts: 20726


Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!


« Reply #115 on: April 19, 2010, 11:01:47 PM »

Use the word "dictate" in a sentence: 
I ax d'hoe: how my dictate? 

What's black and white and red all over? 
A nun, with a spear thru her head. 

What's black and white and red all over and can't get thru a revolving door? 
A nun, with a spear thru her head. 
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If you want to view paradise . . . simply look around and view it!
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
B-Movie Kraken
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Karma: 2591
Posts: 15182


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #116 on: April 19, 2010, 11:03:23 PM »

What's pink and bubbly and taps on the window?

A baby in a microwave!
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"I shall smite you in the nostrils with a rod of iron, and wax your spleen with Efferdent!!"
retrorussell
In the town of Valentine Bluffs, there are many ways to die. Take your pick.
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 1189
Posts: 9585


Hanniger! I'll be waiting in HELL for you!


« Reply #117 on: April 20, 2010, 03:07:00 AM »

Use the word "dictate" in a sentence: 
I ax d'hoe: how my dictate? 


 BounceGiggle BounceGiggle BounceGiggle BounceGiggle BounceGiggle BounceGiggle BounceGiggle BounceGiggle BounceGiggle BounceGiggle
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"O the legend they say, on a Valentine's Day, is a curse that'll live on and on.."
retrorussell
In the town of Valentine Bluffs, there are many ways to die. Take your pick.
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 1189
Posts: 9585


Hanniger! I'll be waiting in HELL for you!


« Reply #118 on: April 20, 2010, 03:24:34 AM »

A young girl from the country has just gotten her driver's license.  She decides she wants to drive to the city and celebrate with her friends.

She asks her dad, "Can I borrow the car for tonight?"
Her dad says, "Sure, but you're going to have to give me a blow job first."

Disgusted but really wanting to borrow the car, she agrees.  After going down on him for a half a minute, she surfaces and complains, "Ew!  Your d*ck tastes like sh*t!"

The dad says, "Oh that's right, I forgot.  Your brother has the car tonight."
 Buggedout
« Last Edit: April 20, 2010, 03:56:13 AM by retrorussell » Logged

"O the legend they say, on a Valentine's Day, is a curse that'll live on and on.."
retrorussell
In the town of Valentine Bluffs, there are many ways to die. Take your pick.
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 1189
Posts: 9585


Hanniger! I'll be waiting in HELL for you!


« Reply #119 on: April 20, 2010, 03:35:34 AM »

One more:

A boy who was visiting some relatives with his family had just turned 12 and was eager to tell everyone the good news.

He went up to his cousin Bernice and said, "Guess how old I am!"
Bernice shrugged.
"I'm 12 years old!"  He ran off to tell his uncle Joe.
"Guess how old I am!" he asked excitedly.
"How old?" Uncle Joe asked.
"I'm 12 years old!"  He ran off to tell his Grandmother.

"Guess how old I am!"
Grandmother says, "Let me see."  She sticks her hand down his pants and plays with his manhood for a full minute.  "You're 12."
"How did you know!"
"I heard you tell your Uncle."
 Buggedout
Logged

"O the legend they say, on a Valentine's Day, is a curse that'll live on and on.."
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