The truly terrible joke thread

[Svengoolie 3]

Two archeologists we're exploring a newly discovered tomb in Egypt containing several dozen mummies.  One of them hears a loud "PPPRRRRAAAAPPP!" sound that is unmistakably the result of a huge release of flatulence.

A minute later he hears another one.  Annoyed at his colleague's lack of professionality he snaps "will you stop that?! "

The other archeologist says "Me?  I was about to tell you to stop letting rip! "

The first one says "What are you talking about?!  It's just the two of us in here,  so if you didn't fart and I didn't fart who did?! "

[Svengoolie 3]

If attacked by a mob of clowns you should go for the juggler.

[Svengoolie 3]

[ER]

Cute! Reminds me of vintage Far Side. If you hadn't said you hate me, my children, family, and most of my friends, I'd give you good karma.

[Leah]

What does watching porn on the computer and pressing shift five times in a row have in common? You'll end up with sticky keys. >.>

[ER]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were stuck in a box canyon surrounded by fifty Comanche, so the Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Well I guess we have reached the final chapter."

To which Tonto replied, "Do I know you, paleface?"

[Alex]

I had a bit of trouble today after I accidently rear ended another car this morning.

Turned out the driver was a dwarf. He got out the car and yelled "I AM NOT HAPPY!"

So, I asked him "Oh, which one are you then?"

That was when the fight started.

[Svengoolie 3]

 A particularly loud, offensive, irritating christian woman in my neighborhood who loved to share her rleigious views with everyone possible whether they wanted to hear them or not went on a tirade against "50 shades of grey" and was bellering at everyone around, including in several newspaper letters, how the book was evil and written by the devil himself and nothing but since and demonic  influence. She bragged about getting a copy, starting to read it and being unable to finish so she threw it down a sewer to get rid of it.

I noted it was summer at the time and she slept with a window open. One day I bought a new copy of the book, waiting to around 2AM, snuck oiver to her house and, after raising the bug screen, gently tossed it on her bed with her.


Neighbors heard the scream around 6:30.

[ER]

A particularly loud, offensive, irritating christian woman in my neighborhood who loved to share her rleigious views with everyone possible whether they wanted to hear them or not went on a tirade against "50 shades of grey" and was bellering at everyone around, including in several newspaper letters, how the book was evil and written by the devil himself and nothing but since and demonic  influence. She bragged about getting a copy, starting to read it and being unable to finish so she threw it down a sewer to get rid of it.

I noted it was summer at the time and she slept with a window open. One day I bought a new copy of the book, waiting to around 2AM, snuck oiver to her house and, after raising the bug screen, gently tossed it on her bed with her.


Neighbors heard the scream around 6:30.

A little funny, but don't you like any sort of humor but the kind that ends in schadenfreude?

[Svengoolie 3]

https://www.gocomics.com/andycapp/2018/10/03

[indianasmith]

The other night my wife was feeling a bit frisky and started dancing on the kitchen table.
"What strong legs!" I said.
"You really think so?" she asked.
"Absolutely!" I replied.  "Most tables would have broken by now!"


And then the fight started . . .

[Leah]

dick jokes are really hard to swallow, at least on the internet.

[Alex]

Someone posted they were baking some synonym buns. I asked if they were like the ones grammer used to make?

Now I am blocked.

[Alex]

[Svengoolie 3]