The truly terrible joke thread

[RCMerchant]

Guy gets ID'd at a liquor store.
Counter guy says what's your birthday?
The customer says August 20th.
"No- what year?"
"Every year."

[ralfy]

Error 404 (Not Found)!!1

[kornula]

*knock knock*

Who's there?

Phillip Glass.

Phillip Glass who?

*knock Knock*

Who's there?

Phillip Glass

Phillip Glass who?




(it does help if you know Phillip Glass's music)

[RCMerchant]

An guy walks into a party store , picks up a Mars bar, and stomps on it.

"Look! I'm the first man to step foot on Mars!"

[RCMerchant]

What's the easiest way to unload a truck full of babies?

With a pitchfork!

(Yeah- a dead baby joke  )

[RCMerchant]

What's the best thing about a dead baby?

If you stick their little fingers into a light socket, and it spasms- you know it works!

[pacman000]

The guru is meditating...

He says you should've bought a Mac.

[Rev. Powell]

I am going bananas...

Is what I say to my bananas before I leave the house.

[RCMerchant]

^ 

[zombie no.one]

 for the uk crowd...


A German guy called Hans gets a job washing up plates in the kitchen of a seafood restaurant. As a special treat after his first shift, the boss says "You can have anything off the menu you want, and I'll cook it for you right now!".

"Wow thanks," says Hans, "I think I'll have some squid!"

"Sure," says the boss "the squid are in this tank over here, choose which one you want and I'll cook it for you."

"I think I'll have that crazy looking green one right there, the one that looks like it's got a mustache."

"Are you sure?" says the boss  "Why do you want that one?"

"Because Hans that do dishes need wild green hairy-lip squid!"

[Allhallowsday]

What's the easiest way to unload a truck full of babies?

With a pitchfork!

(Yeah- a dead baby joke  )

What's WORSE than a truck load of dead babies?  One... alive... trying to eat its way out!

[indianasmith]

What's pink and bubbly and taps on the window?

A baby in a microwave!

[RCMerchant]

My boss caught me smoking a joint on the job. He said-
"Do you want to work or smoke pot all day?"

Easiest question ever.

[ralfy]

"Are Fish Wet Underwater?"

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[Rev. Powell]

I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she broke up with me before we met. (credit Steven Wright)