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KISS ME QUICK! - 2 Slimes
Rated X (this is out of whack; pun not intended)
Copyright 1964 Fantasy Films Inc.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 4 December 2007

Capsule Review:    

This is an old "nudie cutie" flick, thus a prime example of films that trade any attempt at story or coherence for titillation of the male libido. I tend to have a low tolerance for them, because they do little more than parade naked women across the screen and often are too self-aware. Do not get me wrong, naked women rank high on my entertainment scale. It is the self-aware part that bugs me; "Kiss Me Quick" contains a mad scientist named Dr. Breedlove and a race of aliens from the planet Buttless. Now do you understand my problem?

Most of the action is centered around Dr. Breedlove showing off his artificially enhanced females to an alien talent scout, Sterilox. The girls shimmy, jiggle it (more than a little bit), and spend a lot of time stripping off black lingerie. I'm quite certain that the director had a thing for black intimate apparel, especially garters and stockings.

Some of the girls are attractive, but one woman, part of a trio, completely freaked me out. However, what really annoyed me about this movie was the actor playing Sterilox. His smug countenance drove me up the wall; I spent half the movie resisting the urge to punch him in the mouth (that would have spelled disaster for my television). In the end, the actor did break out of character and make me laugh, so at least it was all an act. I would hate to think that there are people out there who actually behave that way.

Something that can be said about the movie is that the camera work was pretty good. Nothing was out of focus, if you know what I mean.

Things I Learned From This Movie:  

Green Dot A poorly placed exercise belt massager can make any woman unattractive.
Green Dot The first label makers used masking tape.
Green Dot Breasts are the last thing that you expect to find attached to a black cotton Q-Tip.
Green Dot Bath beads come in regular, large, and "so freaking huge that you could hide a puppy inside."

Stuff To Watch For:  

Green Dot 6 mins - Is it a radio, a clock, or a light fixture?
Green Dot 23 mins - I was expecting him to say that they got sticky after you licked them.
Green Dot 28 mins - What you need is a Catholic girl. I think that they have to get pregnant every time they have sex, or else God gets angry.
Green Dot 45 mins - This is the dictionary definition of frolicking.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: [1]
Re: Kiss Me Quick (Capsule Review)
Reply #1. Posted on December 05, 2007, 11:25:40 PM by Torgo
I've got a trailer for this on a Extra Weird Sampler trailer DVD that Something Weird DVD put out a couple of years back.   Looked really, really, really bad. 
Re: Kiss Me Quick (Capsule Review)
Reply #2. Posted on December 06, 2007, 11:16:20 PM by CheezeFlixz
This is my favorite 'Nudie Cutie' it's a riot, so stupid it's good. It's just a funny movie for adults, nothing you want the kids watching. Likely one of the best of it's genera.

Got love the special effect and the painted cardboard set, the jiggling women and the corny dialog. It's a hoot! It pretty much looks like something shot in someones basement.

It deserve more than 2 slimes to me, I'd give it 4 at least as Sterilox did not bother me that bad in his attempt at a Stan Laurel, and Dr Bleedlove's poor man's Dracula's imitation is just funny. The women are bad either which are Boobra, Kiss Me, Barebra, Hotty Totty, Gertie Tassle, Gigi String, Lotta Cash and Gina Catchafanni all of which were professional strippers in there day which might explain their self awareness. 
Re: Kiss Me Quick (Capsule Review)
Reply #3. Posted on December 11, 2007, 01:11:08 PM by Racist Melon Farmer
Things I learned from this movie:
1. Mad scientists apparently get a volume discount on black lingerie & garter outfits. Either that or they make their subjects share one outfit, the fiends!
2. Being an exotic dancer in the 60's looked painful. They were shakin' it so hard, I don't know how they avoided getting/giving black eyes.

Worth a look if you want to see what your grandad thought was hot.. but maybe it's better not knowing.
Re: Kiss Me Quick (Capsule Review)
Reply #4. Posted on February 07, 2011, 09:15:44 PM by Sidney022
First off, I am a completely straight female writing this review.

You people are sooo wrong. This movie is brilliant.  So brilliant in fact that after I saw it at a gig I was promoting, I came home and bought it because I was so entertained by it, that I decided I wanted it to play in the background of the rest of my life (and I do)!

I am not sure what you people were expecting from a B rated monster nudie flick?? I love Sterilox, I love the dancing ladies, I love the whole movie. It wasn't intended to be taken so seriously. So sit back and take a deep breath and watch it as I believe it was intended. Tongue and cheek. It is cheesy and silly and wonderful. I have never seen a better soft core monster flick!

(copied from Wikipedia) The plot involves an alien, Sterilox, from the "Buttless" galaxy being sent to Earth in order to find the perfect woman who will be used to create a race of servants. Sterilox is teleported into the lab of a mad scientist by the name of Dr. Breedlove, who offers Sterilox a number of beautiful women to choose from. The highlight of the movie involves a dance number where three of Breedlove's women gyrate to rock music.
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