Badmovies.org Forum

Take the wish of the last person who has posted and corrupt it in any way you can! Then, post your own wish!

Example:

I wish I had a puppy!

Granted, but it's a vicious Doberman and attacks you.
I wish for a million dollars.

I'll start it off:

I wish for world peace.

Granted, but without armed conflict to keep the population down third world populations explode and millions who would have been quickly executed die slow, lingering deaths from starvation.

I wish for the power to make myself irresistible to a woman of my choice at will.

But she is 19 years old and you die of sexual exhaustion a week later!

I wish . . . hmmm.  I wish my daughter didn't hurt all the time.

Granted. Now you hurt all the time.

I wish Batman Forever never existed.

Granted.. unfortunately, now Batman And Robin exists forever.

I wish I had a billion dollars.

The Sicilian mafia loans you a billion dollars... at 25% monthly interest.

I wish I had a nice cold beer.

Granted.  It just got poured down your underpants!

I wish I didn't have to grade papers tonight!

Granted. But now you have a huge backup of papers for you to grade every night for the rest of your career.

I wish Freddie Mercury was still alive.

Granted but now he's a zombie that chomps on your brain.

I wish I lived in a huge and beaufiful, spacious mansion.

Granted, but it also functions as a drunken frat house.

I wish for continued good health.

Granted, but you are confined to a Wal-Mart bathroom for the rest of your life.

I wish for infinity wishes.

Granted, but some of your anger wishes will come true.

I wish for a root beer.

Granted but its actually beer made from roots.

I wish Christmas didn't exist. 

Granted.. your name is now Ebenezer Scrooge.

I wish I could fly.

Granted only now someone mistakes you for a vampire and shoots a wooden stake through your heart.

I wish Superman was real.

He is, but he thinks you are Lex Luthor.

I wish I could lose 50 pounds!

Granted. You no longer have a torso. I suggest a closed casket funeral.

I wish Uwe Boll would retire.

Granted.. but only from fishing.

I wish Michael Bay broke his neck.

But then someone'll kick him in a fit of rage and his neck would snap back into place. :(

I wish I was Electric Man.

Granted, but now everyone and everything you touch is fried to a crisp.

I wish I were taller.

You are, but your bones are so brittle from stretching you can't walk.

I wish Anne Hathaway would fall hopelessly in love with me.

Granted. But shortly after falling in love with you she hits an all time low in her career and has to leave you due to financial problems.

I wish Megan fox could act.

Granted.  But that alerts Darkseid to Earth, and your city is taken over by parademons.

I wish I could shapeshift into any animal.

Granted, but your always a female and it's mating season.

I wish I could travel through time.

Granted, you are now Doctor Who's assistant. Though on your first day with him you- Oh s**t! What's that! Don't blink!

(http://www.cosplayisland.co.uk/files/costumes/625/48680/Weeping_Angel.jpg)

You are now dead.

I wish the Westboro Baptist Church was slaughtered.

Granted, but they become martyrs and inspire dozens of copycat groups. 

I wish there were more hours in a day.

Granted though now your work schedule has been tripled.

I wish Bill Cosby would stop acting so self righteous.

Granted, but now all he does is go "Shnizzum shnazzum jello pudding new Coke!" and other such nonsense.

I wish people would just give me money and I didn't have to work for it.

Granted though its Monopoly money.

I wish people wouldn't p**s on toilet seats.

Granted.  Now they poop on them.


I wish I could quit my job and hunt arrowheads full time . . . and still get paid.

Granted. But you're being payed something very far below minimum wage.

I wish teenagers would just quit b***hing.

Granted, but now they can set things on fire with their mind. b***hing doesn't sound so bad now, does it?

I wish I could fire my sweat like bullets.

Granted only now they will eventually ricohet and land inside you.

I wish I had room for an extensive library.

Granted. I bulldozed half your house. Plenty of room to build a library now!

I wish someone would make a good Ghost Rider movie.

Done though its now a well directed musical.

I wish bad food was healthy

Granted.  But now water gives you cancer.

I wish I was 25 again.

Granted, but you have switched bodies with a 25 year old Michael Moore and can only speak in a stereotypical Australian accent.  :tongueout:

I wish I could drive a car made out of diamond.

Granted. But it got car jacked on the first day.

I wish I was immortal.

Granted. But you need to drink blood to survive.

I wish I was taller.

Granted, but now your 6'11 1/2"

I wish for a banana.

Granted but sadly it just isn't ripe.

I wish I had all the time in the world.

Granted. You now own every clock on Earth.

I wish I could write better puns.

Granted though now you are bound for life to make a smart ass reply whenever a "weird news story" is posted. 

I wish fire was edible.

Granted, but you really don't want to know what it feels like on the way out.

I wish marijuana was legal.

Granted. But now yer a smelly hippie selling jewlery made of beer tabs on a street corner in L.A.

I'm cool with that.

Make a wish of your own RC!

Seeing that RC hasn't followed up with another wish I'll have to reboot this game with my own.

I wish I had the Scarecrow's fear gas sprayers from "Batman Begins".

Granted, but they are facing the wrong way and render YOU insane . . .



I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner!

Weird, I played Wish Corruption on another forum and someone made the exact same wish.

I'm guessing you're too young to remember those commercials . . . . us boomers can still sing all the lyrics! :teddyr:

Granted! You have been ground up into a hotdog.

I wish for everyone on Badmovies.org to go to one place for a big ass party.

Granted . . . . but the party is literally inside a big a$$ and now you are all in deep . . . well, you know!  (Except me, since I am now a hot dog!)


I wish I could still do this job I love, but make MILLIONS at it!

Granted... you do the job you love, and make millions of mistakes.

I wish Rotten Tomatoes will start listing my reviews.

Granted but instead the link to a rip-off reviewer.

I wish I wasn't lactose intolerant.

Granted-but now your intolerant to everything EXCEPT lactose.  Enjoy your cheese.


I wish I had the power to pull any non-evil character/monster out of a movie.

Granted.  The Joker just made a pencil disappear into your head, and Hannibal Lecter is sauteeing your liver while he cools a nice Chianti . . .

I wish my computer could handle Skyrim 9 days from now!

Granted.  But 13 days from now you have such bad wrist tendinitis that you cannot even eat.  You die.

I wish that I knew what to wish for.

Maybe your avatar holds the clue  :wink:

I wish we had more than 7 days in a week.

Granted. But this change in the calender has caused confusing in leap year, business hours, daylight savings time, and average paydays, as well as the school system. This confusion has gotten out of hand and the US is thrown into chaos where nobody has a job, businesses are confused, the educational system has shut down and crime is running rampant across the county turning the US into a "Mad Max" style wasteland.

Now you have plenty of days off!

♪ If I could have one last wish... It would be a tasty FIIIIIISSSSHHHH~!! ♪

Granted, but the execution will continue as planned.

I wish I had a monkey that would steal wallets.

Granted but they are only empty wallets.

I wish I had immortality. 

Granted but now you're a bloodsucking vampire who looks like Max Shreck.

I wish I had the power of super speed.

Granted, I turned you into Rainbow Dash from My Little Pony, you're fast but you are no longer human or male for that matter and you are constantly laughed at for being a character in a show for little girls.

I wish for supreme power over the wills of all men.

Good.  You control every Last Will and Testament in America.  But your ethics keep you from naming yourself as beneficiary.

I suppose I could make the beneficiary a charity. Ha! Wish UNcorrupted. Once again I have to make a wish for someone who granted one without making one themselves.

I wish I could spend one day with Winston Churchill.

Granted, but the day is spent with his moldering corpse, which is a terrible conversationalist.

Sorry I forgot my counter-wish!

I wish . . . that Ronald Reagan could return from the dead and be President again!

Granted: Except all of Zombie Regan's speaches are now "Braaaaiiiiinnnns Braaaiinnns BRAAAAIIIINSSSS"  And all taxes now paid with said grey matter.



I wish I sing.

(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_GG7mioDOs4s/TH62EVq9RtI/AAAAAAAAAtM/NnFNbo2g2Oc/s1600/icing.jpg)
Here 'ya go.

I wish I had the powers of every Marvel superhero.

You do, but they all are too much for your body to handle and you explode!

I wish our team had won the Homecoming Game today.

Granted, but the homecoming Dance won't be until your team loses next year.

I wish for lot's o stuff.

granted, massive piles of random junk fall on top of you and you have no where to store it.

I wish my wife liked horror movies

Granted, but she likes to watch them with her new boyfriend, GHouck!!!


I wish I could go to Red Lobster and afford to order the actual lobster!

Granted, but the price is $135.00, plus tax.

I wish for Christmas stuff to be after Thanksgiving!

Granted but Thanksgiving is now in August. 

I wish I had a complete collection of every movie ever made. 

Granted but they are all on betamax tapes.

I wish I could make home made pizza dough without screwing it up.

Granted but now you never leave the house as you spend all your time creating more pizza dough.

I wish I could think of even better wishes.

Granted. The dough is perfect.  But the toppings are all wrong and you set the oven for only 120 degrees for 60 seconds. 


I wish I could travel to meet a fellow badmovies.org member.

Granted. You arrange to meet a badmovies.org member in a hotel. You get there and find that the member is Wyrewizard.

I wish Tim Burton would try his hand at Dracula.

Granted. He begins the project but then dies of a terrible heart attack. The studio then hires Michael Bay as a replacement.

I wish sandwiches could talk.

Granted only now they scream at you "Don't Eat Me!" whenever you try to bite into one.

I wish I'd never forget anything.

Granted, but your brain outgrows your skull in a vain effort to hold all the extra RAM.

I wish all my EBay auctions would sell every week!

Granted, but your EBay items draw the attention of a bizarre cult living in rusting schoolbuses out in the desert.

I wish I could speak Russian.

Granted. You can now speak the Russian words for "Toast" and "Plunger".

I wish I could summon and control the Elder Gods.

Granted but it takes an elaborate year long ritual and commands must be 3 letters or less. 

I wish I knew all the answers to improve the condition of everyone in the world. 

Granted only now you'll never again have a peaceful moment in your life as everyone comes to you to solve their problems.

I wish I could fix machinery like Forge of the X-Men.

Granted, but the FBI will know about it and will arrest you on the Spot.

I wish for Mardi Gras 24/7!

Granted. But the constant noise and celebration has caused such commotion Mardi Gras has been permanently cancelled.

I wish there was a woman out there for me.

Granted.  She's Rosanne Barr's identical twin.


I wish the wind wouldn't blow Saturday so I could get my boat out.

Granted but a severe drought has reduced water levels to only 3 inches in all waterways.

I wish I could have an easier time relaxing. 

Granted only now you can no longer get excited about anything.

I wish they wouldn't put up Christmas decorations almost two months ahead of time.

Granted but there are new holidays that involve decorations and gifts, Gift Day and Present Day.  Gift Day is in March and Present Day is in July and involve their own myriad decorations, traditions and retail hijacking.

I wish that life could be simpler. 

Granted.  You're a starving beggar in Calcutta.


I wish life was more like the Elder Scrolls Games . . .

Granted but we are all now doomed to live in the damned world some idiot has created.

I wish that life was more like Red Dead Redemption. 

Granted. You got mauled by a cougar.

I wish frat boys weren't so dumb.

granted, but they will still act like d bags.

I wish for Santa to be dead.

Granted but now he's replaced by an identical robot replica.

I wish I could ride in the 1960s TV Batmobile.

Granted.  Thinking he's Batman and you're the Joker, a delusional Adam West shoots you full of Bat Tranquilizer, ties you up and throws you in the back seat of the Batmobile, then drives around endlessly looking for Commissioner Gordon.

I wish I'd asked that girl for her phone number last night.

Granted, but right after you got the number you noticed her Adam's Apple.

I wish Trevor would wash his undies.

Granted.  He washed them in your bathtub, and forgot to clean it.

I wish Atari had released the Cosmos. http://www.atarimuseum.com/videogames/dedicated/cosmos/cosmos.html (http://www.atarimuseum.com/videogames/dedicated/cosmos/cosmos.html)

Granted, but it is sold out and no used copies are available on EBay . . .

I wish that the IRS would be abolished forever!

Granted!  Now the Government takes everything and gives you what it thinks you need.

I wish Planet of Dinosaurs had a good story to go with the good FX.

Granted, but it is directed by Michael Bay.


I wish for my feet to stop kicking this dead prostitute.

Granted.  She just re-animated as a Zombie and bit them off!

I wish Flick James wasn't leaving us.

Granted, he shall always be with you. As the front part of your Human Centipede...


I wish my glass was always filled with ice cold Pepsi.

Granted.  But someone put it on the roof and hid the ladder . . .

I wish I'd had one more night of lecture with the class I finished teaching this evening.

Granted.  But they all come in stoned and won't remember anything you teach them.

I wish for a new back yard/side yard fence!

Granted, but it attracts lightning and burns down.


I wish for three wishes.

I now give you the Monkey's Paw.  You get three wishes. Be careful.

I wish you well.

Granted.  You now have turned me into a well.  Thanks a lot!

I wish for an eclair.

Your very welcome!

Here's one coupon for a free Hostess eclair.

I wish...for more wishes!

Granted by the Wishmaster only.

I wish people wouldn't put up Christmas trees in November.

Granted....they start putting them up in October.

 I wish I had a new car.

Granted!  You are now the proud owner of a new Yugo.

I wish to be...AN ALL-POWERFUL GENI !

Granted....and the first person who finds your lamp is Jessica Simpson who just stares at the pretty lamp.

I wish I was wealthy.

Granted, you know have 1 billion North Korean won.


I wish that people would learn to shut up.

Granted.  No one in the world has a mouth, anymore.

I wish people wouldn't leave cans and bottles by the side of bike paths.

Granted, but now they are in the path

I wish for a beach house

Granted: here it is.

(http://ghost-town-photography.com/Salton-Sea-3-small.jpg)

I wish I could interview Ed Wood Jr. from beyond the grave.

     Granted- but wasn't he tripped-out enough when he was alive?

I wish to be a superhero.

Granted-You are Aquaman.

I wish someone would rub this lamp.

Granted, but it will cost you $5.00

I wish to be a pony.

Granted....and you live your life at children's birthday parties giving rides to sticky,loud kids.

I wish I had a well-paying job.

     GRANTED- You are now Obama's s**t catcher Press Secretary.

I wish I could lose 100 pounds and 30 years.

Granted.  You are now thirty years older and anorexic.

I wish I could make my imagination real.

Granted. Just try not to imagine an elephant slowly crushing your head into a bloody pulp, won't you?

I wish broccoli tasted like candy.

Granted.  It now tastes like Candy, the 73-year old prostitute who never shaves, has terrible B.O. and hasn't douched since the Eisenhower administration.

I want my own swimming pool!

Granted, but it has a hole.

I wish for Atari to come back.

Granted, now it is the biggest flop in all of history.

I want a turtle as a friend.

Here you go:
(http://www.bridgesdesign.net/bridgesdesign_2010/food_packaging/7796_ite_Turtles-CandyBar.jpg)
Just remember, friends don't eat each other! (well, not in the literal sense)

I wish for a time machine.

Here ya go:
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/45/MontreGousset001.jpg/276px-MontreGousset001.jpg)
It goes Tic-Toc, Tic-Toc, Tic-Toc...

(I ripped this joke off of an old comic strip; I don't remember the name.  Picture from Wikimedia, license here: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:MontreGousset001.jpg (http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:MontreGousset001.jpg))

I wish for $5.

Granted...you have a crisp new $5 bill....but due to inflation everything costs $6.

I wish it would never get over 90 degrees here.

Granted, it only stays at 89.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999^oF


I wish for something stupid.

     Ta-DAHHHHHH!

(http://www.godspell.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/The-View.jpg)


      I wish for a good, rare steak.

Granted, here it is:
(http://tee2i.org/sites/tee2i.org/files/An%20empty%20plate.jpg)
It's very rare as you can see! :teddyr: :tongueout:

What is this doing on my bed?

The backstroke....boom chink!

I wish my back didn't hurt.

Granted, but now your legs are hurting 10 times worse than your back.

I want to derail this.

Ok, but you'll have to pay the train company $100000000000000000000000 to get everything back on track.

I wish you a merry little Christmas.

Granted.  You are now a three foot tall hobbit!

I wish I could eat all I want and be skinny again.

Granted, but you are now mistaken for a criminal on the run.

I wish for Banana Cream Pie.

Granted....Moe Howard comes to deliver one personally....right in the kisser.

I wish people would be more polite.

Granted, but now every 4 way stop sign intersection is now jammed.

(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4b/Alphonsegaston.jpg)

I wish El Misfit had remembered to make a wish so the game could continue.

He did - he just wished for it to be invisible to all losers! :teddyr:

I wish that I could have lived in Julius Caesar's time.

Granted but your robes keep falling off in public.


I wish I had my own business.

Granted!  You are now an independent garbage truck driver.

I wish for the game to continue.

Granted, now you are stuck playing until the end of time.

I wish my puppy was potty trained.

Granted....but now you have a baby elephant that isn't.

I wish I had a well paying job that I enjoyed.

     Granted-but it was making Betamax machines for Sony.

I wish I could still eat like a teenager.

Granted, but you now act like a teenagers in modern day as well.

I wish a very comfortable shirt.

Granted....you have the most comfortable shirt you've ever owned. But your pants are full of tiny spiders.

I wish to take a wonderful vacation.

Granted, but it was all virtual reality and your house was robbed and burned.

I wish that the Public Transport was fast and cheap.

Granted, now the buses are always full and you can never get a ride.

I wish I would wake up in the morning with the ability to fly like Superman.

Granted, but then you fly into a jet engine.

I wish I had a shrubbery.

Granted, but it's dead.

I wish that I can ejaculate cola.

Granted....but then both Pepsi and Coke sue you.

I wish losing weight was easier.

Granted, you now have uncontrollable bulimia.

I wish I was as smart as I think I am.

Granted....but you can't find your car keys anywhere.

I wish my tax refund would get here.

     It was sent by mistake to this lady....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D089zYKWHzg

I wish I had all my teeth.

granted, but it's made out of gummy bears.


I wish that logic wasn't so logical, and that the unlogical things seemed logical to people who previously thought that it wasn't logical at all. :tongueout:

Granted but now everything is so logical and yet just seems logical to those to whom logic means nothing and logical people are confused by all the counter-logic that they make it into a terrible sitcom.

I wish the sky was purple.

Granted but now you can see all the million beady little alien eyes watching us all.

I wish I had a kind of stopwatch.

Granted, you are handed a drawing of a stopwatch.

I wish I get the job I applied for.

Granted, but although you thought you were applying for a job in human resources, the job was really for a human urinal.

I wish that my next wish goes to El Misfit.

Granted. But he wishes his wish goes back to you. You wish it back to him, he wishes it back to you, in an endless game of hot potato.


I wish to never lose my keys again.

Granted, but now they are inside of your arm.

I wish for more hentai!

Ok, but it's made by the same people who made Pokemon, so it gives you a seizure.

I wish I could see that episode of Pokemon...

Granted, but police breaks down your door to arrest you for suspected DUI.

I wish for GTA IV for PC.

Granted: you get a Glucose-Tartaic Acid IntraVenous drip to treat your Pancreatic Cancer. (It doesn't help).

I wish I had a delicious pint of Guinness to drink right now.

Granted, but some methyl alcohol was accidentally left in it and you go blind.

I wish for a ready-made herbarium for college (I study biology)

Granted, but the cost of tuition has gone up 120% due to bulls**t cost cuts (like the Pinto $11 cost cut)

I wish for the best chocolate milk right now.


(can someone sticky this, since this is the most thread that is currently replied to right now?)

FYI I don't pay for college xD It is not a private college but a government funded one. And I got the free tuition for being one of the top 10 applicants.

Anyway, your wish is granted, but during the milking process sometimes blood gets spilled in the milk, and this "contaminated milk" is used to produce chocolate milk (masking the blood).

So I come back to my old thread and what do I find? Someone killed it by not making a wish! Let's take it from the top, people!

I wish there were more Castlevania games on Nintendo DS.

Granted.  Now there is one more: CASTLEVANIA: DRACULA'S PURSE.  You play as Dracula, who is now a crossdresser with a shopping fetish.  It is the worst Nintendo DS game of all time.

I want a new fence!

Granted. But it turns out he's a snitch, and after you buy some stereo equipment from him you're arrested for receiving stolen property.

I want there to be just one summer blockbuster this year that doesn't insult my intelligence.

Granted, but it's the first 12-hour long movie.

I wish the Xbox ONE didn't suck.

Okay, it doesn't suck.. but neither does your vacuum cleaner!  It's broke, and you've got crumbs EVERYWHERE!

I want a new art room in my attic.

Granted, but the weight made the attic to collapse in your house.

I wish that I have more apple juice.

Granted, but it's made from rotten apples.

I wish I could download any video game DLC legally for free!

Granted, but eh game itself cost almost $400

I wish that the new dryer would be here already.

Granted. It arrived at your home heavily damaged and unusable.

I wish I could choose whoever I want to be in the next Super Smash Bros. game!

Granted!  Honey Boo Boo has been added to SSBB.  She's unstopable and can never be defeated.

It's June, I wish it would just stop raining!

Granted, but now it is snowing and hailing.

I want a PS4.

It's here, but it's broken.

I wish someone would take my turn.

Granted, but you lose 100 billion dollars.

I wish that EA would go out of business, forever!

Granted, but Activision climbed to the top and became even worse than EA.

I wish I owned my own game company.

Granted, but your games are panned by everybody.

I wish that roaches didn't live in my house.

Okay, they live in your car.  And in your workplace.  Enjoy!

I wish for Ms. Pac Man and Crazy Climber arcade machines in my house!

Granted, but the machines run on 220 volt and you only have 110 volt.

I wish that TVR (car company) was legal in the US.

Granted. But after a month of being in business GM bought out the entire chain and stopped producing most of TVR's cars in the United States.

I wish SNL was funny again.

I WISH PEOPLE WOULD STOP LETTING MY THREAD DIE

Granted, but it is on life support now.

I wish that it wasn't 100^oF outside!

Granted...it's now 110.

I wish I could go to Australia on vacation.

Granted, you are now stranded in the outback.

I wish the TRS-80 I found worked.

Granted...it now makes the world's best toast.

I wish I could hit the lottery.

Congratulations! You've been selected to take part in the Hunger Games!

I wish I was a master of pyromancy.

Granted! Now the government's locked you in an asbestos-lined room to be "studied."

I wish I had butter for my toast.

Granted! But its made from the milk of your mother.



I wish I had an infinite supply of Pepsi

Ah! You jerk! Now the entire universe is filled with Pepsi, and no one can breathe!

Quick! I wish Doggett's wish was reversed!

Ok, the universe is now full of Coca-Cola.

I wish for bread, with which to make toast.

Okay!

(http://www.thesneeze.com/art/prison_wine/3.jpg)

I wish I could kill people just by thinking about how much I hate them.

Granted... wait, what's this sudden pain in my chest? I think I'm having a heart attack!

I wish someone would call an ambulance!

Granted...I call an ambulance and they save you just in time. They keep you overnight for observation in a room with Pee Wee Herman.

I wish I had some ice cream.

Granted. Here's some bubblegum ice cream.

(http://images.huffingtonpost.com/gadgets/brackets/bracket_images/628/628_small.jpg)

I wish someone would shoot Micheal Bay dead before he makes the Ninja Turtle movie.

Okay.  Unfortunately, he was on his way to apologetically give money to all moviegoers who saw his crappy movies.  Now his family is going to get that money.

I wish for new gutters!

Granted, but they keep killing people in the guts.

I wish that I could derail this thread to a whole new level.

Granted....you derail the thread to such a high level that you have to have a security clearance to post on it.

I wish reality shows would all disappear.

     GRANTED: tv, as usual, finds a way to SUCK even more.

I wish I could still eat like a teenager.

Granted.  You get all the zits that go with it!

I wish for a teriyaki steak.

Okay just gimmie a sec... Hmm... We're out of soy sauce so I guess I could use worcester.

I wish five award winning genius movies came out all in one month.

Granted!  They came out in 1911, and are now lost.

I wish I could find a lost film.

Granted! They're now making "Lost: The Movie".
It isn't directed by J.J. Abrams, doesn't include the original cast, contradicts most plot points in the original TV series, takes place on a different island, has different characters, lacks plot depth, critic pre-screening warrant scathing reviews ranking below 3% on Rotten Tomatoes and even less post-release from the audience and fans of the original show refer to it as the ultimate betrayal.

I wish I could interview Ed Wood.

Granted.  You start asking him question, but his corpse isn't very talkative.

I wish my wish wouldn't be corrupted.

Granted...your wish comes wonderfully true. Then your nose falls mysteriously off.

I wish I had 20/20 vision.

Granted, but only for one second, and then you are blind.

I wish that Valve released Half life 3.

Granted.

Features: Locked 480p, FPS caps at 30, Game for Windows LIVE, no release for console, over thirty DLCs needed to play the game properly at $29.99 a piece.

I wish everyone's wishes were cancelled out.

Granted...all wishes are cancelled out,including yours. This creates a huge cosmic loophole that causes wishes to be granted and ungranted for eternity. 

I wish I had a puppy.

granted, but it chews off your face.

I wish I had more money.

You're now being funneled 20% of the Colombian Cartel's cocaine profits. However the DEA is closing in and you have forty-eight hours to relocate.

I wish I could program in any programming language without needing to learn it.

Granted. Now all keyboards are written in cuneiform picture languages.  Should make typing a breeze.



I wish Anna Torv would just drop the restraining order already.  (I said I was sorry)

Granted. She dropped the order so she could get close enough to kill you.

I wish Fringe had a better final season.

I don't think I'm going to force it. I'll let this thread die.

Granted!  It was so good they brought it back for an even better 5th season.  The writers were sure they were going to get a 6th, so they ended the season on a cliff-hanger.  Unfortunately their production company had a bad year overall; it couldn't afford all the FX work, so the show was canceled anyways.

I wish Irwin Allen's shows weren't canceled prematurely.

Granted Irwin now doesn't make any shows at all!

I wish for the powers of a god.

Granted  Behold the mortal that has usurped Sterculius as the new god of fertilizer

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sterquilinus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sterquilinus).

I wish I wasn't being so lazy this week.

Granted, but you break your legs while crossing traffic.

I wish that my eyesight was better.

Granted, but you will be forced to watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians a la the Ultraviolence/Schick Shadel treatment in A Clockwork Orange for the rest of your life.

I wish that I had the power to make beautiful, busty women have multiple orgasms just by my mere presence in the same room with them.  :teddyr:

     Granted, but they're lesbians, that's their story, and they're sticking to it.
I wish I could instantly lose about 150 pounds.

Granted. On your next trip to the UK you shall instantly lose 150 British pounds.

I wish everyday was Halloween.

Poof! Every day is Halloween, and your front yard is now permanently covered in toilet paper.

I wish the Wi-Fi at the public library didn't cut off at random.

Ok.  The library cuts of their Wi-Fi FOREVER!

I wish my internet connection wasn't so sloooowwww.

Granted. From now on, INSTANT 2 GIRLS 1 CUP!

I wish that Hollywood would quit making remakes/reboots and start making original movies again.

Ka-Chong! Hollywood now only makes completely original films, and they're even worse than the remakes and reboots.

I wish the two Pat Troughton Dalek adventures would reappear fully intact.

They did! In the 70's...to someone looking for tapes to reuse.

I wish you a Happy Halloween!

Granted. I had a very happy Halloween. YOUR Halloween however was utterly miserable.

I wish a meteor would hit D.C.

Granted! It did, and the meteor's name is Edward Snowden.  :cheers:

I wish that the Chicago Bears would find it within themselves to get to another Super Bowl again.

Granted. The colonoscopy results revealed that... Oh wait, did you say Super Bowl? My bad.

I wish I had a faster internet connection.

Granted. But the rate goes up $10 every month and they've got you on a two-year contact.

I wish I had a bigger dick.

Kabing! A 6'8" private detective appears at your doorstep.

I wish SyFy would actually feature some science fiction.

Your wish is granted but it's the complete collection of Larry Buchanan's sci-fi films...

I wish WWE would fire their writers and get wrestlers to book the matches again.

Granted. WWE is now pure Greco-Roman wrestling with two men grappling each other and no entertaining storylines or showmanship.

I wish I could dance.

I'll string up your corpse like a Marionette.

(http://i.imgur.com/uxherBG.png)

I wish John Cena would die in the ring.

Granted only now he turns into a zombie and we're stuck with him forever.

I wish we could get some movies today that didn't look like every other movie.

Very well.

(http://jeffersonmok.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/ass2.png)

I wish the the Duck Dynasty cast would get hit by a semi.

Granted, but news of their hospitalization and recovery is now plastered on every major news network.

I wish that the Kardashians were no longer relevant.

Granted, now Paris Hilton is relevant again.

I wish Lucifer would give me my soul back.

Granted, but it's a Nike sole now.

I wish Kanye West would colonize Pluto.

Granted, but he's the one to make first contact with extraterrestrial life. A few years later, Earth is obliterated by a non-copyright-infringing version of the Death Star.

I wish this wish wouldn't be granted.

Wish not granted. I grant you your darkest fear instead.

I wish I'd get that money I loaned out back.

Granted, but it's in Monopoly money.

I wish The Dresden Files series hadn't gone bad with Changes.

Granted. Now every other show that you like stars Chris Tucker in drag.

I wish Fringe was a Netflix original.

Granted, but all the actors are replaced by members of the Kardashian and Hilton clans.

I wish Fox hadn't cancelled Firefly.

Granted, but all the characters have been replaced with ewoks, gungans and Meagan Fox.

I wish I was...a lumberjack.

Wish granted. You cut down trees, you wear high heels, suspenders and a bra . . .



I wish that Rachel Dolezal and Caitlyn Jenner would get locked in an elevator together for all eternity.

Granted, but you're stuck in there with them.

I wish I owned a copy of "The Apple" soundtrack.

Granted, but the supplier accidentally switched the CD with a Jonas Brothers disc.

I wish turtles could talk.

Granted but instead of talking, they endlessly sing the greatest hits of bands like New Kids On The Block and The Spice Girls.

I wish someone else would do all the paperwork that comes across my desk.

Granted, but they do it so badly you get fired.

I wish robots would hurry and enslave the human race.

Granted, but they're laissez-faire masters and they generally let us handle our own affairs, so things continue pretty much as before but with occasional robot lashings.

I wish that the person who grants my wish will become my best pal!

Wish granted. Now we're best pals!
FOREVER.
(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-v9uk8PpgGFI/UARNuTgNyDI/AAAAAAAAABU/AuQsqyvEyZ4/s1600/0215a51b6b1f7d66dc4a2932a25e4b0d.jpeg.png)

I wish that I wouldn't get the trots whenever I eat fried food.

Granted. But you will get the trots whenever you eat something that isn't fried.

I wish I was able to watch every monster movie and TV show in existence, including lost ones.

Granted, but they are all dubbed in a language you don't understand with no subtitles.


I wish someone else would pay all my bills for me.

Granted, but you have to pay all of that person's bills.

I wish I could actually find and try a lucuma (it's a Peruvian fruit).

Granted, but you discover that you're alergic, and break out in hives.  Then the hives hatch into wasps.

I wish wasps were extinct.

Granted but millipedes learn to fly to fill that ecological niche instead.

I really wish that occasionally I could manage to sleep more than 4 hours a night.

Granted.  You manage to sleep four hours and five minutes every Friday night.

I wish that Joss Whedon would travel back in time, shoot seven more Firefly seasons with all original crew and cast and writers, etc, and that all said seasons would be then brought forward in time to me now, in original English, in a digital format I can use, and that I'd get to watch them all and they'd be wonderful.

Granted. However, thanks to a brain aneurysm resulting from a side-effect of time travel, the underlying storyline of the series becomes an incomprehensible mess and most of the episodes are uniformly terrible.

I wish both major party candidates had suffered fatal strokes shortly before the presidential election.

Granted, but their replacements were David Duke and Lyndon Laroush.


I wish I could be more grateful for what I have and less resentful over what I don't.

Ok, but it involves psychological surgery.

I wish for a pet dragon.

Granted, but he eats your entire family and uses your bedroom for a litterbox.

I wish that Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton had settled the election in a steel cage death match.

Granted; but whoever won we're still up sch!tz creek without a paddle... 

I wish that everybody agreed. 

Granted, but no one will tell you what it is that they all agreed on.

I wish my numbers would come up so I could win a stupidly large amount of money and retire to a private island which I could outfit as my evil lair.

Granted, but you forgot to follow the Evil Overlord List http://www.worldconquer.org/evil_overlord.html (http://www.worldconquer.org/evil_overlord.html), & wind up in super villain prison.

I wish someone would clean my room.

Done! But alas they discover all the love letters you wrote to Kanye West's housekeeper.

I wish The Walking Dead would bring Don Knotts back as a zombie.

Granted! But he starts singing as soon as he comes on screen.

I wish I'd burned those letters.

Granted, but the author made copies and gave them to THE ENQUIRER.

I wish my toenails weren't so ugly.

Granted, but a collector of rarities falls in love with your feet and has them cut off to add to her collection.

I wish I knew what I wanted for dinner.

Granted, but it'll be a three hour round trip to get what you want.

I wish I could just forget the bad stuff that's happened in the past.

Granted, but now you're doomed to make exactly the same mistakes in the future.

I wish I could lose just five more pounds.

Alakazam! Exactly five pounds worth of flesh below your right mid-thigh is bitten off by an irate elephant.

I wish could read at 20,000 words per minute with perfect information-retention, and this gift would not result in me being kidnapped/pressed into service to another, that I would not lose my eyesight in the future, or that books would go extinct, or that I'd only have to read books I found lame, or that I'd die before I got to use the gift for a while, or go to prison, in fact I'd be happy with it and life would be great. (Gauntlet down. Get creative!)

Granted. However, the perfect retention results in your brain's memory storage reaching capacity rather quickly. As a result, all your non-reading memories (family, friends, basic social interactions, how to not poop yourself, etc.) are deleted.

I wish I was capable of getting a good night's rest and wake up refreshed in the morning.

Addendum to the previous wish granting: Even so, you find yourself content to wallow in your own filth.

Dang, I was gonna take that one!  OK, the cycle is broken.

I wish that no wish I make could ever be granted.


CORRUPT THAT!

Granted, but you have bamboo instead of regular grass on your lawn.

I wish that the ice maker in my freezer wasn't broken.

No one ever corrupted Sitting Duck's wish, so I will: granted, you rest so peacefully that you sleep right through the burglars who completely wipe you out.

Someone else can corrupt El Misfit's wish above.

WAIT! By granting my wish, you violated it.

I AM INCORRUPTIBLE!!!!!!!!!! BWUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :hot:

"I wish that no wish I make could ever be granted."--Indy

Not granted---all your hopes and dreams fail, including your wishes for good fortune for your loved ones. You die the unhappiest of men, broken and alone.

I wish that the ice maker in El Misfit's freezer wasn't broken.

I would foil that by simply wishing death and destruction on all that I love, and then sit back and watch them prosper!!!  :wink:

Granted, but now instead of ice cubes it turns the whole refrigerator into a giant block of solid ice.

Make a new wish!

I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Weiner!!!

Not granted, due to you previously wishing "I wish that no wish I make could ever be granted."

I wish I had an awesome major weiner.

Granted, you are now the proud owner of a 2 story tall wiener dog!

I wish my hair didn't get long.

Granted, but your hair is locked in with the worst haircut EVER!

I wish Zach Snyder would go away and never be heard from again by anyone.

Ok, but studios hire Uwe Boll in his place.

I wish I could think of a wish...

Granted, but right after thinking of the perfect wish to make, you forget what it was.

I wish John Carpenter would find his mojo and make another good movie.

Granted, but you never see it, because the movie is a documentary about your own gruesome death.

I wish I could relive the night I lost my virginity.

Granted, but your parents walk in on you.

I wish that weather would stay consistent.

Granted, but it's consistantly thunderstorming so you can never play golf again.

I wish my baby would stop crying

Granted, but now all those excess tears are streaming out somewhere else. Hope you like changing diapers.

I wish for good fortune for whoever grants this wish.

Granted, but all their good fortune comes at your expense.

I wish I could find where I put my bank card.

Granted - but it's at the bottom of a newly filled 200 hectare reservoir.
I wish the weather was nicer today.

Granted, but you'll be stuck inside all day doing something.

I wish that small town life wasn't boring.

A platoon of brain-eating zombies will sure liven things up!

I wish I had the perfect present to give my niece for her birthday today.

Granted! You find the gift she wants most, but when you arrive to give it to her, you find she's run off and joined Scientology's Sea-Org on a ten-year mission.

I wish I owned the moon.

Granted but the propery taxes leave you bankrupt.

I wish I had enough time to do all the things I'd like to do.

You're fired.

I wish that the zombies would stop making such racket. (But I can probably fix that.  :tongueout:)

You find quiet inside a zombie's gizzard.

I wish I had a phone that'd let me talk to anyone in history.

Granted, but the time link fees are $200 a minute.

A bargain!

And you didn't make a wish!!! Rules, dude, rules! Ten points from Gryffindor, say I.

Since Indy made no wish, I'll answer ERs again.

Granted! But it makes you the target of the cigarette smoking man.

I wish message boards were popular again.

I wish websites would stop closing!

Granted, but they now require you to change your password every 12 hours, and you can never use the same password twice!

I wish my books would all vault to the top of the NYT Bestseller List and stay there for a year.

Granted, but then one dark night you meet your very own version of Annie Wilkes.

I wish I could control other people's dreams.

Your wish is....GRANTED!

But no one remembers the dreams you've influenced.

I wish I could find my copy of Pokemon Blue.  :bluesad:

Granted! You find it at your local thrift store, in the shopping cart of the town bully.

I wish I could instantly create peace, health, abundant resources, and happiness on this planet.

Granted, but everyone dies of boredom because mankind requires conflict to survive.

I wish I had another couple of hours to hang out on the PC tonight.

Granted, but the internet is down.

I wished that it would rain and cool things down.

Dam. That one was granted!

Granted.
But it's raining frogs.

I wish I had a good cigar.

Granted, but there is no flame to light it within 500 miles of your current location.
I wish to sell 200 books at my signing tomorrow.

Granted-but the books you sell are yard sale paperbacks.

I wish I was in Dixie.
 

Granted. You're now at a Confederate monument protest and... man, this is not going to go well.

I wish that the next wish corruption is the funniest one ever!

Granted, but I'm not writing it down so you'll never get how hard I'm laughing right now!  :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :teddyr:

I wish my wife liked sex as much as she likes watching television on Saturday morning.

Granted, but she decides she really likes sex with other women rather than you.

I wish whoever replies to this post gets what ever they want for christmas.

Granted - but this year I wished to lose weight, and the doctors amputated my leg!
I wish that I felt like I am going to feel next week right now.

Granted! Too bad; you were supposed to win $100 million next week, but since you essentially asked for both weeks to feel the same I've unwoven that part of your tapestry.

I wish I was going to a party!

Granted, but the party is being held by mutant cannibal hill billys a la The Hills Have Eyes or Wrong Turn and you are the main course.

And although I have no plans to see it I wish the new Tomb Raider film was any good.

Ok! It's great! Up there with Citizen Kane & Vertigo! But it ignores the games completely, so you'll have to hear fans complain about it all the time.

I wish I had a puppy...

Granted! But It has the mange and rabies.

I wish I was 6'4".

Granted! You hit your head more often.

I wish for a fish!

Granted.  It's a Megaladon . . . in your bathtub!

I wish my feet weren't so ugly.

Granted. I'll be over to your house with a bone saw within the hour.

I wish Persona 4 Golden would finally get a console release.

Granted, but it is only released on formats you don't own a console for.

I wish my wife didn't require surgery to seperate her from her mobile phone.

Granted! She's now bind & deaf.

I wish Dark Alex's wife wasn't blind & deaf.

Granted! But now she has to endure his movie choices.

I wish a Kentucky Fried Chicken would come to Lawton.

Granted. But the health inspector shut it down in the first month it was here.

I wish I had a boyfriend.

Granted- but he's Jeffrey Dahmer.

I wish I was an astronaut.

Granted. You get to go on a space walk, but quickly it is important to remember to put your helmet on a few seconds too late...

I wish I had a real Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (the edition with the big friendly letters on the front saying "Don't Panic!".

Granted, but the text is written entirely in Vogon verse!

I wish my newest book could be made into a blockbuster movie!

Granted- but it's directed by Uwe Boll.

I wish I had a bottle of whiskey right now.

Okay. I'll smash it over your head.

I wish for a good video game based movie.

Granted.  It's based on PONG.

I wish I was young again.

Granted. You are now 2.

I wish... I wish... I wish I were a fish!

Granted, but alas since you aren't in water right now you do not survive very long and you where dead goldfish go...

I wish my nephew hadn't borrowed and lost my limited edition triple pack of 'The Evil Dead'.

Granted, but he sets your house on fire.

I wish I could get a CAD job already.

You're cast in a bit part in a c grade film set in the 50's. A woman slaps you & calls you a cad.

I wish the Atari Jaguar hadn't failed...

Granted. But a real jaguar jumps out of nowhere and mauls and eats you.

I wish that  beans didn't make me fart.

Ok. They give you diarrhea.

I wish "emoji" were called "smilies" again.

Granted, but you are stuck with the poop smiley as the only one you can ever use again. And you have to watch the movie about it at least once a day for the rest of your life.

I wish the person who thought the Emoji Movie was a good idea a long, slow painful death.

Granted- but you have to watch and listen to the whole mess happen in your kitchen while your trying to eat.

I wish the still sold Nehi pop.

So it is discontinued? Rats.

Ok! Granted! Nehi's back, but only because the trademark expired; a sneaky lawyer claimed it & they're marketing an entirely new pop under the name.

I wish... For a Dr Pepper franchise.

Granted! Only it was bought by a company in Flint Michigan so now it tastes like warm hot dog water!

I wish I had a cigerette with a filter, instead of this f**king roll yer own s**t I smoke all the time.

Granted, you have all the cigarettes you'll ever want! (Yes, that is a corruption.)

I wish all the flat Earthers would have the question of the planet's shape settled to their satisfaction once and for all.

Granted, but it turns out that the Hollow Earth theory (which is way more interesting anyway) turns out to be true.

I wish Ralph Bakshi would make the second part of his Lord of the Rings cartoon.

Granted, but whoever sees it dies with SeVEn dAys!

I wish birds came in a pepto bismal pink color.

They do. They're called flamingoes.


I wish my best friend lived a little bit closer to me.

Ok. They move in with you.

I wish for an industrial-strength water filtration system.

Granted, but it raises your water bill to $500 a month.


I wish we'd have a nice cool front roll thru right about now.

Really? You're sure about that?

Ok... I warned you...

(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/94/Seymour_Texas_Tornado.jpg)

Public Domain picture. Source: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Seymour_Texas_Tornado.jpg

I wish for a lower water bill!

Granted. Your water supply is shut off.

I wish I hadn't drank so much last night.

Granted! But now you have no excuse for being late to work.

I wish they'd reconnect my water.

Granted- but it's Flint, Michigan water

I wish I had a glass on limeade right now.

Granted. Your ugly feet are now replaced by a lovely set of dainty reindeer hooves.

I wish I had a working red lantern power ring....

Ok. But you become what you hate.

I wish for an industrial water purification system.

Granted, but it cost an arm and a leg

I wish it would snow here.

Granted, but you won't be able to find bread or milk at the supermarket until it's all melted.

I wish the Rams win Super Bowl LIII.

Granted, but you never buy one.

I wish the webcomics I read would actually get updated regularly like they used to be.

Granted! But they're behind a paywall.

I wish we were having steak for dinner.

I think you may have corrupted your own wish there, or do you really want a naked man running onto sports pitches for dinner?

:buggedout: :bouncegiggle: Fixed now.

Granted, but while you eat a very hairy naked man runs about in full view of you.

I wish I could think of something to wish for.

Granted, but all you can think of is to wish for the annihilation of all forms of life on Earth.

I wish I had a genie who would grant me unlimited wishes.

Granted! But they're all answered in The Monkey Paw fashion.

I wish every forum had this smilie: :bouncegiggle:

Granted, but all life on the planet goes extinct, so no one is there to see it.

I wish no one would ever get paper cuts again.

Granted, but flys, wasps and butterflies all come with razor-sharp wings.

I wish the next person to post a wish of this thread would have a wish that comes true.

Granted! I now have perpetual happiness, but people keep getting mad at me for wearing a non-stop smile.

I wish all pickpockets would get pickpockets.

Granted- ! But then those pickpockets would have pickpockets and those ones and etc, etc, so the world would consist of a giant circle jerk of pickpockets.

I wish they sold hot dogs at fast food joints.

Granted!
But they quit selling burgers and fries.

I wish that people would quit believing so many stupid conspiracy theories . . .

Granted, but then the intelligence communities, which are behind a lot of the rumors as a smoke screen, would have to reinvent their playbooks.

I wish I had the chance to anonymously make it rain anywhere on command.

Granted! But then we would have to burn you at the stake for being a witch.

I wish I could raise chickens in town.

Granted, but the chickens sneaked up one night and ate you.

I wish everyone in the world had nice-smelling breath.

Granted! But their B.O. smells like a dead skunk.

I wish I could take a trip on a spaceship.

GRANTED! But it's one way...

I wish COVID would finally end.

Granted, but it mutates into an even worse version.

I wish I had a nice, cold beer.

Ok, I'm here! Hovering over your Head! Holding an open can of Beer! Guess what comes next?  :tongueout:

I wish for peace...

Granted! However, technological development is greatly slowed without war to fuel it.

I wish for x-ray glasses.

Granted but you irradiate everyone you look at.

I wish the next person to post on this thread a happy life.

Granted. Unfortunately, my happiness comes from seeing you suffer.

I wish I could travel to space before I die.

Granted!  But you will travel without oxygen or space suit as a meteor impact flings you off the planet!

I wish I had a million buck in my bank account right now.

Granted! But being there is no such thing as a "million buck", it's worthless.
I wish I would never get ill.

Alright, you no longer understand any words which contain the letter combination “i-l-l.”

I wish the Dick Van Dike show had one more season.

Granted, but viewing it causes zombieism.

I wish for good things for all who dwell in this and every universe.

...and you will not be able to kill that mosquito no matter how many times you swat it.

I wish I still had all my teeth.

I'll bag 'em up for you. Paper or plastic?

I wish this lady I'm waiting on would text me back with a simple "yes!"

Granted. She will answer "yes!" to your question "do I have manboobs?"

I wish I could solve world hunger with one of my rhubarb pies.

Granted. But they kill most of the population. No more people- no more world hunger!

I wish open a falling star....

You spend the rest of your brief life in a bad 1950s sci-fi flick.

I wish sea gulls would bother my least favorite teacher.

Ok.

Little do you know, everyone teaches themselves everything when they take knowledge from their environment. The face that this knowledge might come other people instead of direct experience doesn't matter.

As such, YOU are your least favorite teacher! The Seagulls are coming for YOU! Mwa, Ha! Ha!

---

I wish I knew how to animate.

Very well, but your hands fall off.

I wish mean people looked ugly, and nice people looked beautiful.