|THE ALIEN DEAD
|Copyright 1980 Firebird Pictures.
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
- Tom Corman - Newpaper reporter, who needs a newspaper reporter in this hick town? Who can read anyway?
- Shawn Michaels - Half-wit blonde living with her pappy. She's about 28 or so.
- Miller - Game Warden and Biologist, oh boy. Eaten by zombies.
- Emmett Michaels - Shawn's father who was in "The Big One" though he seems to be about 60. Let's see, 1988-1918=70, which means he was 9 years short of fetus status for WWI. Good old boy flavored zombie snack.
- Sheriff Kowalski - Buster Crabbe! (He was Flash Gordon.) Half intelligible law enforcement at it's best.
- Mr. and Mrs. Griffiths - Two poachers, Mrs. Griffiths makes it about 1 minute into the movie.
- The Alien Dead - Terrible zombies created by a meteor crashing into a houseboat.
|Ever want a film where actors in bad makeup just wander around eating people? Well here it is buddy. A houseboat is struck by a meteor which tranforms the victims into indestructable zombies. Nothing hurts these things, except a boat oar - shoot the corpse all day with no effect but clobber it with a stick and you're home free. Zombies infest the movie's swamp, chewing up poachers and skinny-dipping women alike until the main characters find out, then they come out of the swamp and start eating people. Emmett is a welcome breath of air, the old man's grumpy demeanor and quotes are a saving grace. Thank goodness nearly everyone falls prey to the ravenous creatures but unfortunately Tom and Shawn escape in a rowboat. And the story ends! Nothing, no resolution! Hullo! Plot guy! You're fired, pack your bags buddy - you'll never work for this crappy film studio again.|
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Sheriffs are in charge of rebuilding bridges.
- Zombies are worse about rooting in trash than racoons.
- Aliens like to cop a feel when killing a girl.
- Deputies a really dumb, we're talking mongoloid here.
- Elderly women always carry frying pans.
- If you are in possession of an axe, when attacked by zombies, use it.
- Some girls look better when they're not facing you.
- Being choked to death or having your arm eaten causes you to spit up blood.
- Sparklers make good stand in effects for a falling meteor.
- Zombies are impervious to shotgun rounds, bullets, or explosives but not spearguns or boat oars.
- 5 mins - Why does it sound like someone farting in a tub while we watch footage of space?
- 10 mins - Stuck to the seat were we? (You'd have see the scene and hear the sound.)
- 16 mins - Focus... ...ahm... ...focus... ...focus damn it!
- 25 mins - This band's lead singer must be a ventriloquist.
- 28 mins - Half a person is breathing? And the dog's eating it too.
- 33 mins - The boat sounds just like a chainsaw.
- 38 mins - That's the same boat Tom and Shawn had earlier but now these two hicks must have bought it. Should have purchased the motor too.
- 41 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 71 mins - The truck is on a two lane paved road, no - a dirt road, no - a one lane paved road. Hey, what gives?
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Emmett: "Everybody's always wanting to know about the big one. You know what I tell em?" |
Tom: "No sir."
Emmett: "I tell em, Eddie Rickenbacher was a son of a bitch and you ought to mind your own damn business!"
||Tom: "What do you think about Shawn?" |
Shawn: "I dunno, growing up, getting out of the swamp, eating hamburgers, stuff like that."
||Tom: "Sheriff are you nuts? You'll have a swampful of hicks out here shooting at each other if you do that." |
Sheriff: "Shooting at... ...let me tell you something boy. Better shooting out here in the swamp then in town there. What do you want me to do? Go out there, go out there and get bit by all them mosquitos?"
||Tom: "That meteorite didn't kill those people, it turned them in to a bunch of God-damned monsters!"
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
|This idiot just keeps looking at the camera! You also have to wonder why she spits up blood, as if her lung were punctured, when they are eating her limbs.
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