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A BOY AND HIS DOG - 2 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1974 Third L.Q.J. Inc.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Vic - Don Johnson! A solo who survives in the wastelands left after World War IV, he is constantly hunting for food and women.
  • Blood - Highly intelligent and telepathic mutt who pals around with Vic, in addition he has radar.
  • Quilla June - Brazen girl sent to lure Vic underground, though she wants to replace the ruling council by using the solo. Ends up as dog food.
  • Mr. Craddock - Jason Robards! Senior member of the ruling council and a very dour man.
  • Dr. Moore - Fairly boring member of the ruling council, though he has the best memory.
  • Mez - Female member of the council, not a pretty sight when laughing.
  • Gary, Richard, and Kenneth - Conspirators who follow Quilla's lead, all three get their necks snapped.
  • Michael - Powerful robot which looks like a huge country bumpkin, if one of the ruling council points at you the wrong way he snaps your neck. Disassembled by Vic, but it appears the council has an entire warehouse full of replacements.
  • The Screamers - Apparently they are green glowing mutant elephants. (We do not see them, but they do glow green and sound like elephants.)

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Armageddon is a difficult thing to rationalize, lending itself to outlandish scenes of violence and debauchery. The idea of a pubescent Don Johnson wandering the lonely wastelands guided by an intelligent and telepathic dog is a new one on me, but for some reason it all fits. Particularly so when the pooch in question has a bottomless stomach and spouts an endless stream of acidic criticism at Don Johnson. (Often complaining about Vic's libido. A dog complaining about a teenage boy's libido, I love it!)

The two lead an idyllic life, scavenging for food and water in the desolate landscape, but sometimes Blood is able to sniff out a female companion for Vic. For some odd reason all the women are in hiding, other than a ravenous and horny Don Johnson hunting them I can't imagine why.

Well he ends up following Quilla into an underground fallout shelter, there the last "civilized" remnants of society are carrying on tradition. Country fairs, ice cream, and prizes for the best canned goods in addition to trapping fertile males from the surface to impregnate the young women.

Before you start thinking this is not a bad deal let me explain. Vic is immobilized and his genitals attached to the equivalent of an electronic milking machine. (Aiiiieee!) In short succession the lucky brides are wed to him, presented with a bottle of special sauce, and sent on their way. Nearly incapacitated by blue balls the ferocious young man stages a retreat from the complex after being freed, taking Quilla with him. The first (And last might I add.) marital problem results when Vic discovers his faithful pooch waited outside the shelter's entrance this entire time and is on the brink of starvation.

Zany and fun to watch on a rainy day, plus the girlfriend will never look at your faithful hound the same.


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This is just a small part of Post-Apocalypso, make sure you read these other great reviews for "After the End of the World Films:"
Jabootu's Bad Movie Dimension: Robot Holocaust
Oh the Humanity: Warrior of the Lost World
And You Call Yourself A Scientist!: The Quiet Earth
The Bad Movie Report: Damnatian Alley
Cold Fusion Video Reviews: Ultra Warrior
Stomp Tokyo: The Executioners
B-Notes: Warriors of the Wasteland

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Dogs would make excellent history professors.
  • Porn films used to suck, in a real bad way.
  • Men are confused and a little put off by women who want sex.
  • There is a fundamental difference between "hang" and "harangue."
  • A secret and powerful society of mimes inhabits the underground areas of our planet.
  • Green plants grow nicely underground, even without artificial light.
  • Interrogating a dog is pretty darn difficult.
  • Nobody expects a crowbar in the middle of a bouquet.
  • If a very large, but slow moving, man is trying to break your neck I suggest running away.
  • Dogs make the worst puns.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 1 min - You have to respect any film that starts off with nuclear war.
  • 8 mins - That is Phoenix? I see that it has not changed much...
  • 23 mins - Don Johnson apologizing to a dog ladies and gentlemen.
  • 25 mins - Good dog! Hehehehe!
  • 37 mins - Blood just managed to kill a full grown man who was armed with a rifle?
  • 45 mins - Sort of a canine teleprompter...
  • 46 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
  • 71 mins - Now, will Vic eat that or wipe it on his clothing?
  • 78 mins - The true colors of Quilla's womanhood come to light.
  • 79 mins - That is about fifty yards I guess, easy shot with a rifle...

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note boyanddog1.wav Vic: "Damn it Blood, don't give me a hard time, smell it!"
Blood: (Does his radar pooch thing.) "It's clean."
Green Music Note boyanddog2.wav Vic: "Right now I'm hungry and I want to get laid, so find me a broad and we'll go to the promised land."
Blood: "That's what you always say."
Green Music Note boyanddog3.wav Vic: "You know you're starting to sound like a God damned poodle!"
Blood: "You're starting to sound like a jackass!"
Green Music Note boyanddog4.wav Quilla: "I didn't bring you down here so they could use you. I brought down here so I could use you!"
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipboyanddog1.mpg - 1.8m
Blood is trying to formulate a plan to fight off a large group of brigands, but the damn woman won't leave him alone for two seconds. I wonder if I should start barking at people who annoy me, it could generate some interesting reactions.

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FROM THE BADMOVIES.ORG ARCHIVES
ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

Lesson Learned:
  • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

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