|THE CARS THAT ATE PARIS
|Copyright 1974 Salt-Pan Films.
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
- Arthur - Little wormy guy who is adopted by the citizens of Paris after a bad accident.
- Mayor - Leading the city of vultures.
- George - Arthur's brother, killed within the first few minutes.
- Dr. Midland - Crazy doc who experiments on patients, uses a power drill at times.
- Darryl - Young ruffian with quite a hat, likes playing with the patients at the clinic who come in four flavors to him. (Full veggie, 3/4 veggie, 1/2 veggie, and 1/4 veggie) He get's smashed in a car by Arthur.
- Rev Mulray - Catholic Priest who is shot by the town idiot.
- The Cars that Ate Paris - Driven by the town's crazy youth, the most interesting is a VW covered in spikes.
|This movie is terrible, I hate it. I hate Peter Weir who directed it and would like him to know that I wish to kick his ass.* For whatever reason you made this film it utterly destroys the merits you tried to reclaim with "Dead Poet's Society" - you are sick man and will spend eternity in Hell being raped by demonic 57 Chevys for this. Now that I'm finished ranting about the director we can get some tidbits on this movie. The Paris in question is in Australia which sent me warning signals immediately. So anyway, this damn town makes it's living by running travelers off the road and then stripping the cars of parts and luggage. George and Arthur are one set of victims, the latter surviving to be adopted by the mayor. The town's youth are the antagonists, being wild and chaotic creatures who finally go on a rampage in their cars after which Arthur leaves, end of story. In this plot there are numerous possibilities for genius and cool gore scenes but they never surface, ever. A doctor with a drill and we see jack, cars rolling down hills - it's like watching "The Worst of Cops" for goodness sake, and a VW covered in spikes which gets one person.
* Threats to kick Peter Weir's ass are made in the name of comic relief. (This is what too many lawyers get's you - me having to make statements like this, what ever happened to common sense?)
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Always make sure the lugnuts on your wheels are tight.
- Australian people transport calves around in the trunks of their cars (that's right - a young cow).
- Recent accident victims should not be given word association exercises involving pictures of messy accidents.
- Mentally retarded people will try to eat hood ornaments.
- Parking Superintendent is a powerful position in rural towns.
- The occupants of a mental ward do not belong at a town ball.
- Fighting cars with a chair is a losing proposition.
- 2 mins - What is this a cigarette ad? A Coca-Cola ad? A cigarette ad? A Jiffy-Lube ad?
- 7 mins - What happened? It was too dark to see.
- 10 mins - A power drill with a Red Cross symbol on it?
- 30 mins - THIS MOVIE SUCKS!
- 32 mins - If you're so scared of cars why did you get in one with a broken door lock?
- 53 mins - Did a tiger just growl?
- 54 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A FENCE!
- 60 mins - Feeling weak, movie sucks, sick to stomach, having delusions of Peter Weir shaking hands with Adolf Hitler...
- 64 mins - Hey, this is the same scene we saw as a picture like 45 minutes ago?
- 75 mins - I would not sit on the hood of that car.
- 87 mins - Why the hell is a French woman singing anyway?
- End of movie - Cannot move my legs, Rosebud...
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Mayor: "As to our youth, they are idle, they are lazy, they need to work!"
||Dr. Midland: "You're a very, very sick man."
||Darryl: "Well you ever seen a bloke with a foot up his nose?"
||This strange chant the townspeople make, it involves almost every Australian word I can think of.
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
|It is time to watch the Killer VW of Doom make roadkill, just be thankful that the cars finally slew someone. Even if the remarkable example of German engineering didn't sprout a gaping maw to devour victims as the cover promised (in an obscure sort of way).
| ||Leave a comment||EXTRAS||Buy the movie|| |