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CEMETERY MAN - 3 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1993 Audifilm-Urania Film
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Francesco Dellamorte - Cemetery caretaker who hates being called an "Engineer." Pretty laid back for a guy who has zombies crawling all over the place.
  • Gnaghi - Seems to be an idiot, pretty much says, "Nah!" to everything.
  • She - Drop dead GORGEOUS girl who haunts Francesco through the movie as seemingly three alternate versions. Version number one is zombie chow, and version two burns to death.
  • Valentina - Mayor's daughter and a traffic fatality, her severed head (Zombiefied.) is in love with Gnaghi until Francesco blows a hole through it.
  • Inspector Straniero - Entirely daft policeman, some madman is killing people and he never even suspects the disturbed cemetery caretaker.
  • Franco - Town clerk, loses his mind for some reason.
  • Claudio - Young motorcyclist, dies in a messy traffic accident.
  • The Mayor - Annoying guy, I'm glad his daughter's "flying zombie head of doom" chews his neck out.
  • Death - Creepy and evil avatar which possesses a statue in the cemetery, not happy with Francesco for killing the zombies.
  • The Zombies - Anyone recently dead, killed in the usual way (Shoot the brain.)

Buy It!

The Plot: 

"Dellamorte Dellamore" (Original title.) is quite the hidden gem. Francesco, a troubled cemetery caretaker, has problems with the dead. Mainly the pesky buggers refuse to stay dead, rising from their graves as hideous zombies within one week of burial. (A pretty common occurrence in Italy we can all agree.) He complains to the town hall, shoots them, and even splits their heads with a shovel. Then She comes into his life, still mourning the death of her husband they fall hopelessly in love. Number one reason it's hopeless? Dead hubby wakes up and kills her before Gnaghi splits the zombie's head open. Did I mention Gnaghi? This guy is AWESOMELY funny, he spends most of the film appearing to be a sputtering idiot. Little bit on the heavy side and constantly eating with a one word vocabulary, you can say a great deal with one word (Depending on inflection, length, volume.), especially when that word is "Nah!" Back to our poor hero, of course his love comes back and he's forced to shoot her. No adverse impact on your mental health there, shooting the woman you love. To make matters worse, he soon begins encountering strange alternate versions of her, all of which find themselves strangely attracted to him. Still, they're women and screw him over. (Shut up, sit down.) Gnaghi falls in love too, with the Mayor's daughter. Her death is the kindling flame of their romance as the happy goof digs up the corpse and pulls the head off to take home. Gnaghi merrily playing a tune while the rotting head sings is plenty whacked, plus he has her mounted inside the demolished television set. (It was shot by accident while battling zombies.) Plenty of oddities in this one, Francesco talking to the statue of Death in the cemetery, the entire movie occurs inside a snowglobe (Long story...), those weird little "blue lights" which flit around, and our main character going on a killing spree. My recommendation for this movie? "Nah!"

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Never send the autistic guy to rake leaves on a windy day.
  • Ossuaries make women horny.
  • Never have sex on your dead husband's grave.
  • Women's veins are full of thick, black blood. (Knew that...)
  • People who have been stitched back together after being decapitated by a bus should not have glass caskets.
  • Earthquakes are caused by zombies riding motorcycles underground.
  • Italians will top spaghetti with anything, even bananas.
  • Erections frighten women.
  • Having a four inch needle jammed into your testicle causes temporary impotence.
  • Men can fake orgasms too. (Ha!)
  • Never take a space heater to bed.
  • If you want to live, stay out of Italian hospitals.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 8 mins - She had better get naked at some point or I'm getting mad.
  • 17 mins - Flying blue flames?
  • 20 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
  • 34 mins - When did Francesco put pants on? He was in the shower when the zombies attacked...
  • 39 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A TV!
  • 47 mins - Gnaghi, you are in love with a severed head!
  • 53 mins - Killed the woman you love huh? Oops.
  • 59 mins - Francesco needs about three years of couch sessions.
  • 72 mins - What the HELL is going on? Where did she come from?
  • 79 mins - Again?
  • 85 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A NUN, A DOCTOR, AND A NURSE!

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note cemeteryman1.wav Straniero: "Oh sure, he came back from the dead. He raped her then bit her to death. Is that what he did?"
Green Music Note cemeteryman2.wav Death: "Stop killing the dead, they're mine. If you don't want the dead coming back to life why don't you just kill the living?"
Green Music Note cemeteryman3.wav Francesco: "You're supposed to be setting a good example. Now will you get back to your coffin immediately!"
Green Music Note cemeteryman4.wav Gnaghi: "Nah!"

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipcemeteryman1.mpg - 2.5m
Zombie Boy Scouts!

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6
Cemetery Man
Reply #25. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by popman
Gnaghi is played by François Hadji Ladzarro. He is the  leader of one of the most important independant french rock band. This band is called "les garçons boucher" (butcher boys in english). He only François appears in only 4 or 5 european movies but I can assure you he is a very good actor in very different styles (cop, bad boy...). Anyway, his performance in Dellamorte Dellamore is one of the best.

In the Italian comics "Dylan Dog" which Dellamorte Dellamore is inspired, Gnaghi is replaced by a sort of Groucho Marx clone.
Cemetery Man
Reply #26. Posted on July 10, 2001, 05:41:13 PM by Stupid Jacob
I like the ending. I felt in fit with the whole weird ass movie (and it was really weird). Damn was that chick hot or what?
Cemetery Man
Reply #27. Posted on March 21, 2002, 11:25:06 AM by Paul Westbrook
I need to know who the actress was, who played the disembodied head.Anyone have a clue?
Cemetery Man
Reply #28. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Molo
Actually, I think it was Dylan Dog that grew out of Dellamorte Dellamore. The novel, of the same name, is by DD's creator Tiziano Scavli. The edition I have has been beautifully illustrated by the wonderful Angelo Stano too. But I don't think it's ever been translated into English. <SHAME!!!>

Dylan is based facially on Rupert Everett of course, so actually getting him for this movie was quite a coup. Not to mention the fact that he is YUM. :D

This is one of my favourite movies of all time. I love it. It's possibly the world's only goth zombie movie. I love Michael Soavi's work anyway (The Church was great too, and Stagefright), but this is surely his finest hour!!!

Favourite moments are too numerous too mention but the killing of the nurse is one, and the scene with Death is another.

The film is available to buy on DVD from Europe - there's a German edition (Red Edition) and a Spanish edition (both still in English of course.)
Cemetery Man
Reply #29. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by D
OK FIRST OF ALL THIS IS NOT A BAD MOVIE! and if you thought so you just didnt understand it. If your adictied to zombie movis like i am ( true most of them are bad!)
then you would understand in refrence what was going on
from The classic Night where the girl runs in the house and then out side its night for no reason! Cemetary man was based off a comic book although ive never seen it and the movie makes moresense if you pay attention to things like when fransisco falls asleep on the phone and winds up killing every one. its funny beacuse that is the best part of the movie and ill tell you why. you can here the sound fiel of death saying " stop killing the dead there mine." in fact thats not true Cemetary took andvantage of the fact that no one in the movie is really dead. there actors and the zombies have a humanside to them unlike the countless dod clones whe its just masses of brain dean monsters but they are people in rerality. then why have ther been so many sombie movies? beacuse its pretty cool when you get to see hundres of people decapotated in 2 hours. the movie plays with that allot and even the philly zombie genra. fransisco " IM NOT DEAD YET! BITE CANT KILL YOU!"
Ok it might not look at first like the best made film but it was not some huge $$$$$ deal. even so it still has better effects then newer movies (resident evil) which is a good name cuz its an evil movie! But what do you expect from a company who has made the same things over and over again for over 13 years.
 
Cemetery Man
Reply #30. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by PL
This is a brilliant movie...it will satisfy gorehounds and fans of intelligent films.

Note: The scene is the hospital (yes, I'm talking about the killing spree) reminds me of American Psycho, but it's even better...
Cemetery Man
Reply #31. Posted on March 01, 2003, 11:20:42 PM by Todd
I think im in love with Anna Falchi (ooooh she is soo hot!)
Cemetery Man
Reply #32. Posted on December 04, 2002, 10:49:03 PM by Emo Inversion
GREAT movie!!! Just saw it last night; f**ked-up plot, beautiful Italian woman who constantly gets naked, and some great make-up effects. Definitely worth a look.
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