|CHILDREN SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS
|Copyright 1972 Brandywine/Motionarts
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
- Alan - Owner of the theater troupe, he's a little sick and definitely on a serious power trip. Munched.
- Val - Middle aged woman, she's the only person Alan takes any crap from. Also munched.
- Paul and Terry - Two aspiring thespians in love, he was voted "most athletic." Zombie chow.
- Anya - FREAK girl! Funny enough she's the one who best understands the zombies. Guess what happens to her? Yup, munched.
- Jeff - Chubby guy who needs some lessons in bladder control. The zombie snack equivalent of a moon pie.
- Roy and Emerson - Two effeminate actors hired by Alan to scare everyone, they are bit parts, they are wandering around the graveyard, they are so dead.
- Orville - Dead guy chosen by Alan to be the life of the party.
- The Zombies - Quick little fellows raised from the dead by Alan's attempt at Necromancy, too bad they have the munchies.
|Something mom never taught me, but with all the knowledge to pass on to your kids Necromancy usually gets left out. Okay, for the record: Necromancy = bad. Got it? When Alan decides to treat his theater group to a night of frights and Satanic rituals he never guesses how successful it will be. The joke goes off marvelously, when Jeff climbs into a grave to exhume the corpse it grabs him. (Alan emptied it earlier and had Roy climb inside.) With all the fun and games finished it's time for the serious business. Alan has brought a tome of black magic and a small amount of dried baby's blood to raise some undead. Where do you get dried baby's blood anyway, Wallmart? The megalomaniac is a bit put out when nothing happens. First Alan, then Val take turns mocking the Prince of Darkness. Needless to say, doing so at midnight, in an unhallowed graveyard, in a b-movie of all things, is not advised. To make matters worse Alan insists on dragging Orville back to the old house they're using and having a wedding. There's actually a rather amusing section when they're making Orville "walk" and just let go, much like those trust building exercises. Except the corpse falls forward and nobody catches poor Orville. It's a little later when Roy and Emerson first discover the dead are rising and the two of them are appetizers. For all the overacting "Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things" is very good, but just in case you didn't read the character descriptions, don't get attached to anybody... |
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Never startle a vampire.
- Remote island graveyards are brightly lit.
- Theater companies border on white slavery.
- Flickering firelight is best simulated by a wavering flashlight beam on the person's face.
- Dark blue Necromancer robes did not go with other 70's fashions.
- You can't give cadavers a penny for their thoughts.
- Satan has a horde of nicknames.
- Zombies suffer from insomnia.
- 3 mins - Did the zombie not pay his rent or something? Undead eviction?
- 12 mins - Where did Alan get those pants, gads...
- 30 mins - Anya, you are a FREAK!
- 44 mins - Somebody hit her with a shovel, Val - shut up.
- 54 mins - No more dead puns, I mean it.
- 71 mins - Those must be the strongest panes of glass in history.
- 59 mins - Two women and two men hold off a horde of zombies, but one kills Paul with no problem?
- 84 mins - Everybody (zombies included) gives Alan the "you bastard" look.
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Alan: "Uh, how many merits does an Eagle Scout get for seducing a Brownie?" |
Terry: "I don't know, you'll have to check that in your Boy Scout manual."
||Alan: "The magnitude of your simplitude overwhelms me."
||Alan: "You know what you are? You're a slab of meat I hired to dress my stage and I like my sides of beef to hang quietly in the corner until I need them. So why don't you just shut up!"
||Anya: "If we respect him, he'll respect us! Look! He's trying to tell us, you can it in his face!"
|Theme Song|| Listen to a clip from the soundtrack. |
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
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