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CHILDREN SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS - 2 Slimes
Rated PG
Copyright 1972 Brandywine/Motionarts
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Alan - Owner of the theater troupe, he's a little sick and definitely on a serious power trip. Munched.
  • Val - Middle aged woman, she's the only person Alan takes any crap from. Also munched.
  • Paul and Terry - Two aspiring thespians in love, he was voted "most athletic." Zombie chow.
  • Anya - FREAK girl! Funny enough she's the one who best understands the zombies. Guess what happens to her? Yup, munched.
  • Jeff - Chubby guy who needs some lessons in bladder control. The zombie snack equivalent of a moon pie.
  • Roy and Emerson - Two effeminate actors hired by Alan to scare everyone, they are bit parts, they are wandering around the graveyard, they are so dead.
  • Orville - Dead guy chosen by Alan to be the life of the party.
  • The Zombies - Quick little fellows raised from the dead by Alan's attempt at Necromancy, too bad they have the munchies.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Something mom never taught me, but with all the knowledge to pass on to your kids Necromancy usually gets left out. Okay, for the record: Necromancy = bad. Got it? When Alan decides to treat his theater group to a night of frights and Satanic rituals he never guesses how successful it will be. The joke goes off marvelously, when Jeff climbs into a grave to exhume the corpse it grabs him. (Alan emptied it earlier and had Roy climb inside.) With all the fun and games finished it's time for the serious business. Alan has brought a tome of black magic and a small amount of dried baby's blood to raise some undead. Where do you get dried baby's blood anyway, Wallmart? The megalomaniac is a bit put out when nothing happens. First Alan, then Val take turns mocking the Prince of Darkness. Needless to say, doing so at midnight, in an unhallowed graveyard, in a b-movie of all things, is not advised. To make matters worse Alan insists on dragging Orville back to the old house they're using and having a wedding. There's actually a rather amusing section when they're making Orville "walk" and just let go, much like those trust building exercises. Except the corpse falls forward and nobody catches poor Orville. It's a little later when Roy and Emerson first discover the dead are rising and the two of them are appetizers. For all the overacting "Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things" is very good, but just in case you didn't read the character descriptions, don't get attached to anybody...

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Never startle a vampire.
  • Remote island graveyards are brightly lit.
  • Theater companies border on white slavery.
  • Flickering firelight is best simulated by a wavering flashlight beam on the person's face.
  • Dark blue Necromancer robes did not go with other 70's fashions.
  • You can't give cadavers a penny for their thoughts.
  • Satan has a horde of nicknames.
  • Zombies suffer from insomnia.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 3 mins - Did the zombie not pay his rent or something? Undead eviction?
  • 12 mins - Where did Alan get those pants, gads...
  • 30 mins - Anya, you are a FREAK!
  • 44 mins - Somebody hit her with a shovel, Val - shut up.
  • 54 mins - No more dead puns, I mean it.
  • 71 mins - Those must be the strongest panes of glass in history.
  • 59 mins - Two women and two men hold off a horde of zombies, but one kills Paul with no problem?
  • 84 mins - Everybody (zombies included) gives Alan the "you bastard" look.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note childdead1.wav Alan: "Uh, how many merits does an Eagle Scout get for seducing a Brownie?"
Terry: "I don't know, you'll have to check that in your Boy Scout manual."
Green Music Note childdead2.wav Alan: "The magnitude of your simplitude overwhelms me."
Green Music Note childdead3.wav Alan: "You know what you are? You're a slab of meat I hired to dress my stage and I like my sides of beef to hang quietly in the corner until I need them. So why don't you just shut up!"
Green Music Note childdead4.wav Anya: "If we respect him, he'll respect us! Look! He's trying to tell us, you can it in his face!"
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipchilddead1.mpg - 2.2m
Terry, I wouldn't stand in that doorway...

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 ... 3 4 [5] 6 7
Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things
Reply #33. Posted on February 20, 2004, 01:37:25 AM by McCrackan
Waitasec--DOES Anya get munched? Every time I watch that scene, it look like the zombies merely carry her away. Maybe they accepted her apology after all.
Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things
Reply #34. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by zees 1954
The character I feel sorry for the most was the cemetary care taker who was bound and gagged to a tree at the edje of the graveyard. When the zombie were reanimated and started for the house where the "children" were. Every zombie walked past his tree except for the last damn one who looked back and saw him.   Munch.
Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things
Reply #35. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by scott
I found this masterpiece at meijer in dvd format along with the undertaker and his pals for a mere $3.33!  What a deal!  Does anyone else look at this movie and think 'Charles Manson meets Scooby-Doo and the gang'?
Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things
Reply #36. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Thorn495
This is my most unfavorite movie.  I've watched it 3 times in my life.  I was drunk 2 of those times.  This movie just p**ses me off.  I've tried giving it away to friends and they give it back each time.  It's like a curse.  I can't understand how anyone enjoys it.    
Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things
Reply #37. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by pgram
Just found these sites for CSPWDT!! Lovin' it! I'm 58 yrs. old and this has always been one of my faves!! This weekend is Halloween-gotta watch it-AGAIN! Yeah!
Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things
Reply #38. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by WitchKing
   A curious entry in the Zombie canon that treads a very fine line between horror and comedy.  File it somewhere between "Return of The Living Dead" and "Chopper Chicks In Zombietown".  Alan must be one of the most bravely repellent characters ever to grace the screen. Pretentious beyond all belief!  The make-up is highly effective and the walking dead themselves are frighteningly savage.  Horrendous fashions all around--  which usually goes without saying in 70's era cinema-- but some of these get-ups are blindingly bad.  It's very favorable overall.  Plus, it boasts one of my all-time favorite lines:  "The dead are losers!"  
Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things
Reply #39. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Dean
Saw this on UHF while camping in Maine as a kid, 1977ish, maybe '78.  We were just camping out of a van and the campground had electricity at each site.  I was 7ish.  At one point some older kids walked by and said "A TV, that's roughing it."  The TV Channel screwed up the reels and we ended up watching it out of order so it didn't make much sense story wise but it was creepy and fascinating none the less.  I haven't seen it since then but it remains one of the scariest things I've ever seen.
Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things
Reply #40. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Mike
lol, well, for it's time and budget its a great flick.  not to mention that my mom is terry, my dad was the 'a' camera operator, my uncle was the first assistant and my grand father was the director of photography!  i actually think i was concieved while this movie was being made.

i got a kick out of reading all the reviews.

tnx,

mike mcgowan, soc
www.mikemcgowan.net

yes, that really is my family.
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