|Copyright 1985 Sho Films Limited
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 14 January 2001
- Lee - John Stockwell! Country boy out to experience the "real world." For some reason this means joining a motorcycle gang.
- Albert - James Earl Jones! Enjoys raising orphans, building model aircraft, and guerrilla warfare.
- Mick - Leader of "The Clippers," a prestigious gang of bikers. Pretty thick headed if you ask me, he only starts to get the message when you shoot at him.
- Yogi - Rae Dawn Chong! Mechanical genius that keeps the gang's bikes in perfect working order.
- Wickings - Kim Cattrall! Doctor (of something, they never really explain) who disagrees with her company's business practices and who can blame her? Shooting people for not cooperating makes this company look like a cross between Cold War Russia and Microsoft.
- Ray - Leader of the DA's, a rival gang working with the Sunya Corporation to take over the city. He finally sees the light and tears up his union card.
- Whitey - Member of the Clippers and Mick's close friend, he stumbles across a meeting between Sunya and the DA's, which earns him a .45 pistol wound to the neck (that means he dies).
- Bolo - Oooohhh! A corporate Nazi killed by a kamikaze model plane! Isn't that ironic? Don't you think? Mom? Dad? God? Anyone? (Pay attention, there is a joke for Kevin Smith fans in that sentence.)
- Carver - Young butthead managing this example of hostile takeover. Crushed between a desk and the wall.
|This is a movie that I am really ambivalent towards. First off, with all the edits and incomplete sections you get the idea that the half of the film that we really could have used ended up on the editing room floor. Some of the cuts result in what casual watchers might believe are massive continuity errors or just plain useless flashbacks, plus they are still maddening after several viewings to boot. Secondly, none of the characters are very well defined. This is what comes of having nine major players and a slew of bit parts in a film which runs around eighty minutes (refer to my first complaint).
Read on, I'll get to the point somehow.
We are informed that a plague devastated society, wiping out nearly every adult and leaving a world full of children to die of neglect. Bereft of any mentors they have done what any unsupervised children would do, formed motorcycle gangs. They also use comic books as illustrated guides to living, including double duty as legal references.
Lee is full of wanderlust, so he goes searching for a legendary motorcycle gang called "The Clippers." Armed with his impressive talent of not looking comfortable on a bike he arrives in the city and is soon bungling the task of social interaction with other humans. While it is true the DA's start off on the wrong foot by hitting him with a chain, for the most part Lee just runs away from anyone out to kick his ass, which ends up being pretty much everyone.
During the exciting chase a gang member is killed, because the idiot tries to ram Lee and Lee gets out of the way. Let me see, guy sitting still on his bike where I can ram him, but he is gunning the engine and applying the brakes... ...no way that he'll jump aside! Doh! He jumped aside! I'm crashing into a shed made out of rotten wood and breaking my neck!
For some reason Yogi likes the out of towner's style and, along with help from other members of the Clippers, convinces Mick and Ray to a trial by combat (precedent courtesy of an Insect Man comic book). If Lee wins he will become a Clipper, but if he loses the DA's do as they please.
Of course he wins, after spending five minutes being absolutely thrashed by the DA's champion he jump kicks her (correct pronoun) off her bike and the battle is over. Too bad that becoming a member is rendered meaningless by what is soon to follow.
The evil Sunya Corporation has taken an interest in reclaiming the city for some reason or another. To this end they have recruited Ray and his gang, though Mick has resisted all advances by the suits. Finally Bolo and friends get tired of negotiations, what follows is a massacre as company employees armed with assault rifles ambush the Clippers and shoot the beejezus out of them.
Lee leads the survivors out of the city and back to the farm where he grew up, there they get to meet Albert. With his help (and a barn full of motorcycles and military hardware) they make an assault on the company's fortress headquarters. Do you know who kicks the most butt? Albert. He has a small fleet of remote controlled aircraft that are packed with explosives and he employs them as unmanned kamikazes! Even in the future corporate America is unable to deal with innovation and soon the company is run out of town.
Plot points are available in volume, with little regard to relevance or continuity, they're just dropped in your lap. Amazingly it all makes sense in the end if you are good at problem solving, with an emphasis on flexibility.
One plot point is the kids (I refer to actors in their twenties like this far too often) sewing some sort of silvery lining to the insides of their coats, thus making them bulletproof. What? Something with the consistency of silk (perhaps spider web, oh boy am I giving this too much credit) that you can hand sew with a needle is going to stop a bullet? Let me give you a good scoop, bulletproof vests are made to stop low velocity rounds. Take a shot at one with a rifle and you're going to be buying a new vest, but you will probably live through a 9mm knocking you down and bruising your ribs. Why did I go through all this? There's a point at which Lee is shot at a range of about ten yards, he reacts like you hit him with a small rock. Not only does the silvery liner stop the bullet, it somehow distributed all that kinetic energy evenly (1800 ft/lbs or so of it). I'll not comment on the fact that they somehow weld up bulletproof shields for the motorcycles as well.
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- While using your water tower as a hot tub (adult sexual play included) might seem fun, one should remember that eventually you are going to drink that water.
- Internal combustion engines work much better with their spark plugs.
- Women demand respect, especially ones armed with baseball bats.
- Do not drink and joust.
- Do not drink and try to be Tarzan either.
- Having a sunroof is bad when people are fond of dropping Molotov cocktails on you.
- Cars do not belong in the living room.
- 4 mins - That was a really confusing edit.
- 28 mins - I was wondering when the dinosaur skeleton would get smashed to pieces.
- 36 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A STREETLIGHT!
- 48 mins - Why didn't they take him back to their compound for interrogation?
- 53 mins - So he could be rescued, of course, how silly of me.
- 62 mins - Is Kim Cattrall going to show off her...
- 62 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 66 mins - See that shadow in the bottom left corner? I wonder what that could be from? Almost looks like a movie camera...
- 70 mins - Good thing that he didn't shoot you in the head.
- 78 mins - Great, now I'm going to have nightmares about juvenile delinquents chasing me. Not only that, but they'll be armed with maces made from circular saw blades lashed to poles.
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Albert: "Most of the adults were killed by the plague and left a world of orphans to die off from lack of care or live by their own devices."
||Whitey: "How come you wear a sheep?" |
Lee: "Sheep didn't need it no more."
||Carver: "Progress... ...is a train. You can climb aboard, you can get out of the way, or you can be crushed."
||Ray: "Let me at least try!" |
Bolo: "All right. Okay, but you make it clear to them, this Mick, that they either cooperate or they're dead!"
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
|Albert is leading the counterattack with his fleet of suicide bombers and Bolo is trying to shoot them down with a pistol. If our little corporate Nazi had used some common sense (along with a shotgun packing dove load) he might still be alive.
| ||Leave a comment||EXTRAS||Buy the movie|| |
Reply #1. Posted on January 15, 2001, 12:34:05 PM by Chris B
The first episode of MST3K I ever saw was this POS... it still cracks me up!
Reply #2. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Jim Hepler
Rae Dawn Chong.. I thought I recognized her. She is one of the two main characters in Lover's Vow. Always did love that ending.. Great FX work by a soon-to-be world class makeup FX team.
Reply #3. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by
the MST'd version of this movie needs a video release in the near future... saw it back when I was an elementary school student, hilarious stuff although the entire cast probably regrets it now.
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