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CRASH AND BURN - 1 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1990 Full Moon Entertainment
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Tyson - Nothing this sexy has been on a motorcycle since Elvis.
  • Arren - Young girl who has exceptional computer skills and a serious itch to scratch. Perhaps her grandpa should have let her go on a few dates with boys her age.
  • Lathan - Old revolutionary; he covertly runs a television station in the wastes of southern California. Tries out for the part of a thousand amp fuse.
  • Winston Wickett - Overweight and often sweaty talk show host. I could have done with far less footage of him shirtless. Has an arm wrenched off by Quinn.
  • Christie and Sandra - Two prostitutes that were guests on Winston's talk show. Hmmm, two hookers on a talk show - I wonder what happens? Do they get called sluts? Their self esteem hardly matters; both go to the great bordello in the sky.
  • Bud and Scratch - Gas station attendants. Scratch spends a little too much time under the open sky without sunscreen.
  • Parice - Video schoolteacher that Tyson takes for a roll in the sack. He later discovers she is a synthoid, though he is probably the only person surprised by this. Turned into dust by a close range shotgun blast.
  • Quinn - All around handyman and all robot. Mashed flat.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

After watching numerous movies about the future I have decided it sucks, whether it be evil companies taking over, the development of killer robots, or an environment ruined by man's hubris. Unfortunately for the characters populating this movie, all three have happened; it has been a bad century.

When the small group inhabiting a wasteland television station realizes one of their number might be a ruthless synthetic human, they do what every other group would do: rip off of John Carpenter's "The Thing." That is right, cut everyone's finger to see who bleeds oil, but it does not work since the robots are full of stage blood (oh, I mean red freon). Perhaps there was an easier way, like noticing that two characters never sweat even when everyone else is dripping wet! I noticed it, probably over half the audience noticed it, why did Tyson or Arren not notice it?

Tyson does catch on to the fake people and soon a game of cat and mouse (if cats were made from steel and mice used shotguns) is played out through the station's dark corridors. None of it should surprise you, especially not one of the hookers deciding to take a shower and being killed. Only when things look hopeless does our heroine play her trump card, the DV-8.

The video cover prominently displays the DV-8. It is an old mining or construction robot quietly rusting away in the local scrap heap. Arren has taken the time to fix it up and feels confident about piloting the thing. Despite a quick conversation in which we find out that it took "months" to learn the monster robot's controls, it does not look very difficult. If you want it to stand, then you type "stand." I am sure any other veteran Zork players out there would feel comfortable at the controls. In fact, screw throwing the rusty knife at the cyclops' eye, I want to type "punch cyclops in head" and be done with the annoying lout once and for all.

You are going to spend the entire movie waiting for the DV-8 to do something cool, you are also going to be very disappointed. It walks about a hundred yards, lifts up a fallen girder, steps on Quinn - then falls to pieces. Obviously a GM product.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Wearing a motorcycle helmet for several hours will not mess up a carefully feathered head of hair.
  • Most blackouts are caused by old men falling onto transformers.
  • People can speak clearly and in complete sentences while under heavy sedation.
  • Hugging a woman is a sure-fire way to get her into the sack.
  • Freon is indistinguishable from human blood.
  • Hair picks and shotguns are equally effective as weapons.
  • An ungrounded robot will only electrocute you if he grabs the showerhead.
  • Safety glass is not used in pickup trucks.
  • Male androids are made from titanium, but female ones are made out of powdery clay.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 5 mins - Tyson's white jumpsuit is exceptionally clean considering he has been riding a motorcycle through the desert.
  • 7 mins - Oh now he's dirty...
  • 11 mins - Did he pass a washer and dryer on the way out the door? How did his suit become pristine white again?
  • 24 mins - Over one hundred degrees (Fahrenheit) in there and none of you woke up until the alarm sounded?
  • 30 mins - Are these two fixing the electrical system or going skiing?
  • 40 mins - Okay, so someone has read Asimov, very good.
  • 49 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A DISPLAY CASE!
  • 60 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
  • 63 mins - Tyson pumps the shotgun a second time (for effect I guess), the problem is doing so would eject an unfired shell. Wait, he did it again! Hehehehehe!
  • 73 mins - Preventive maintenance is always very important.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note crashburn1.wav Tyson and Arren talking, listen to him try not to crack up at the lines he is given.
Green Music Note crashburn2.wav Parice: "UNICOM is a free enterprise bureaucracy dedicated to the concepts of life, liberty, and the pursuit of economic stability."
Green Music Note crashburn3.wav Tyson: "By international agreement synthoids are programmed to be incapable of killing humans."
Arren: "Any synth can kill you if you override its fail-safe program with a crash and burn virus."
Green Music Note crashburn4.wav Parice: "This is crazy, it took months of training to walk a DV-8!"
Arren: "I've been trained!"

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipcrashburn1.mpg - 3.0m
You waited the entire movie to see it, so here is the DV-8. Still wondering why piloting the darn thing takes months of training? Join the crowd.

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Internet Movie Database


Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 [2]
Crash and Burn
Reply #9. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Charlie Smith
"Crash and Burn" is actually a pretty good low-budget flick. I think, however, people who see it who expect a giant robot movie are the ones who are most disappointed. I mean, the movie's advertising went to lengths to show the robot -- but it appears only at the end of the movie. Indeed, the robot has essentially no reason to exist in this flick as its not central to any of the action or plot.

But... if you can unwrap your mind from the robot issue, the movie is right on-the-mark as a futuristic whodunit. On that level, "Crash and Burn" is a might fine detective story. I didn't know who the killer was until very late in the move. That's the way it should be!

And, compared to "Robot Jox," I must say that "Crash and Burn" is -- by far -- the better movie. It's more intelligent, it doesn't use special effects gratuitously, it has more believable villians, and it's better paced. "Crash and Burn" -- while not a gem -- is much, much better than the majority of direct-to-video flicks that are produced. So, we should hold "Crash and Burn" up as one of the better (albeit lesser known and hardly appreciated) science fiction flicks on video.
Crash and Burn
Reply #10. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by General von Asskik
Total crap. This movie should rot in Hell! Wait...let me take that back that movie should be ground into toilet paper so I can wipe my tumor-infested ass!
Crash and Burn
Reply #11. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by WitchKing
Not a bad little movie really.  The post-apocalyptic setting is convincing and at least the filmmakers managed to create a world-on-the-brink-of-collapse plot that didn't reference "The Road Warrior" to the point of outright plagarism like most others.  The cast-- featuring the always welcome Bill Moseley and Full Moon MVP Megan Ward-- move through the proceedings with a collective poise.  No, the robot isn't the big star of the movie, but I never found the brief Giant Robot Throwdown genre that interesting anyway.  Definitely better than most of the other films in its ilk.
Crash and Burn
Reply #12. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Djaxis
I loved this movie, I thought it was cool, neat, engrossing, and real good sci-fi flick, but I was like 12 when I saw it on UPN I think.  I recently relived those "fond" childhood memories.  Big mistake.  The memories were much sweeter than the movie.
Crash and Burn
Reply #13. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by kjw
I thought that the lead actor who played Tyson looked alot like Michael Hutchence former lead singer of the New Wave band Inxs.In fact until I read the credits at the end of the movie,I really thought that it was him.Not bad for a newer movie from the 90's.I have seen alot worse.At least there was plenty of action.
Crash and Burn
Reply #14. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Zack
Crash and burn huh?  I doubt chuck band or anyone else at full moon could have anticipated the prophecy their title predicted for sales revenue

and I mean...any body else notice that the robot guy didn't really bother anybody til all the humans pointed at him and said "AAAAGH it's a machine, it's different than us!!  GET EM!!!!!!!!!"

and come on...the damn giant robot's on the cover and it's barely in five minutes of the movie...the LAST five minutes...sheesh
Re: Crash and Burn
Reply #15. Posted on March 14, 2008, 06:36:11 AM by vaguener2
Man, i hahe this one in my collection... i like this one, but the cover show lots of giant robots and destruction... all we have are a couple of robot steps  - argh, i lost my arm - and finally a big fall...

it's remembered another movie i like... Roboman
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