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DAY OF THE WARRIOR - 3 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1996 Skyhawks Films Inc.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Willow Black - Female commander of L.E.T.H.A.L.
  • Tiger - Shae Marks! (Did some nude centerfolds a ways back.) The definition of more back pain through surgery.
  • Tyler - Tiger's man, always envious of the gun some other guy is using.
  • Cobra - Blonde, her mammaries are only surpassed by Tiger's.
  • Doc - Cobra's man, he can't shoot.
  • Shark and Scorpion - Two operatives, both are wounded and pass blissfully from the film.
  • Fu - Martial arts master and Elvis impersonator.
  • Jordan - Willow's man, part of the branch in DC.
  • The Warrior - Ex CIA agent who has gone bad.
  • Kim - Broad shouldered female working for the Warrior (there are a few meanings to that).
  • Manuel - Henchmen to Warrior; shot by Kim for one reason or another.
  • JP and Chaz - Inept hitmen hired by the Warrior.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Few things can scare me nowdays, Shae Marks' breasts are one of those things though. You laugh, they intimidated me, they intimidated Katie (the spouse), and in a fight against them I'd lose. If there ever was a movie which was not a porn, but featured loads of busty women with their tops off - this is the one.

L.E.T.H.A.L. (Legion to Ensure Total Harmony and Law) is a secret law enforcement agency based in Dallas, Texas. Hot on the trail of a powerful criminal called "Warrior" who smuggles diamonds, deals in stolen art, and has a porn company they run into a snag. Not Shae Marks trying to fit in a compact car either; it's a breach of their personnel database that compromises the safety of four agents.

Cobra had infilitrated the diamond smuggling operation and barely escapes with her life when Willow's warning beacon alerts her to danger. The hitman posing as her pool guy is quickly dispatched by the lotion wearing blonde. (Probably distracted by her bosom.) Shark and Scorpion are seriously wounded by JP and Chaz, but the evil dudes flee when Willow and Fu arrive. Meanwhile Tiger and Tyler fly deep into the southern Texas wilderness and easily free Doc from Warrior's men.

Still with me?

Warrior likes to dress up as an American Indian and slay his enemies with his bare hands using professional wrestling moves. To this end he has Willow and Fu kidnapped. Only the fortunate arrival of the others prevents a massacre.

There are exactly three, count them three, jokes about "I've got to get something off my chest." of which two are followed by women dropping top. Tiger employs a number of expoding tip weapons, from crossbow, to rocket launcher cane, to Tyler - if she touches it, there's a bang. And Fu, who is incredibly Japanese, has to be the worst Elvis impersonator.

Now most women (hey, it's the 90s) are not going to enjoy the film quite as much, but guys may chant during the opening credits, "Show me the silicon!"

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Dallas has zero flat chested women.
  • Asking a California girl her GPA is like saying, "Show me your tits."
  • Japanese Elvis impersonators are not very popular.
  • Breasts can be frightening.
  • Breasts can also be martial arts weapons.
  • The sounds in porn films are fake! (I'm shocked!)
  • Most women wear a bathing suit in the shower and keep a pistol handy.
  • Pagers make excellent magnetic tracking devices.
  • Disneyland is prime real estate for hookers.
  • Corregated tin is bulletproof.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 3 mins - Wow! There is a naked girl dancing during the opening credits! Hey, Alan and Rob!
  • 10 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A SHACK!
  • 11 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
  • 12 mins - No way those are real.
  • 22 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
  • 29 mins - Can that plane fly with her breasts on board?
  • 38 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST AN OWL!
  • 69 mins - I'm certain they don't see your car parked in the middle of their lawn.
  • 71 mins - Acting!
  • 76 mins - Willow, seen those faces before? Maybe they were shooting at you?
  • 82 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
  • 92 mins - Any reason you two are both holding the pistol?

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note daywarrior1.wav Tiger: "Everything I touch has a way of exploding."
Green Music Note daywarrior2.wav Tyler: "That son of a bitch has got a big gun."
Green Music Note daywarrior3.wav Warrior: "My whole damn Vegas operation is up in smoke now."
Green Music Note daywarrior4.wav Willow: "I've told you a thousand times, you've got to think positive!"
Warrior: (bellows)
Fu: "I'm positive we're going to get killed."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipdaywarrior1.mpg - 2.9m
The end of the big "Battle Royal" scene. Of course, there is just one more "I've got to get something off my chest" joke.

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Internet Movie Database


Comments:Write CommentPages: [1] 2
Day of the Warrior
Reply #1. Posted on July 29, 1999, 03:43:53 PM by carson@mtnhome.com
That July 5th nuclear war was terrible!!!!
Day of the Warrior
Reply #2. Posted on November 15, 1999, 04:02:52 PM by wellender@hotmail.com
You may want to note that the Warrior is played by
professional wrestler Buff Bagwell of WCW.

Jim O'Keef
Day of the Warrior
Reply #3. Posted on February 01, 2000, 02:43:28 PM by Paul H.
This is one of those movies that you thought would be better before you watched it.  Thought it was terrible while you were watching it.  But as soon as it was over you find yourself happy that you watched it and somehow feel that it was better then it had any right to be.  Then you start to scare yourself by thinking that, that might have been the actually effect that they were going for and it was that bad itentionally and if they wanted to the movie could have made some sense.  Then you have to do something else to get these evil thoughts out of your mind.  (sorry about the run-on but it seemed to fit the movie)

All and all.  Wow that was bad.  But I like it. (2 green globs)

("Convicit 762" and "Beach babes 2: cave girl island"  Have the same effect.
Day of the Warrior
Reply #4. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by mechaman
I can't believe I actually watched this movie.
I can't believe someone actually made this movie.
I can't believe I ACTUALLY watched this movie.
Oh, who am I kidding? It was the tits that made me do it ...
Day of the Warrior
Reply #5. Posted on May 11, 2001, 02:31:07 AM by Steve Bentley
This was made by Andy Sidaris (God love him!) and is pretty typical of his work.  Beautiful women and their bountiful jumblies in seriously bizarre action and nice locations.  Check out Savage Beach for more fun in the sun with beautiful women.  Did I mention there are beautiful women in all his movies?
Day of the Warrior
Reply #6. Posted on June 22, 2001, 01:42:16 PM by Deliciousdannyscott
Buff BAGWELL!!!! BUFF BAGWELL!!!!
Day of the Warrior
Reply #7. Posted on July 12, 2002, 10:50:32 AM by larry green
my favorite moment is when the two male spies(like their names matter) are sitting in the car talking and somehow the two assassins sent to kill them sneak up on them while driving a BULLDOZER!!  how is it possible to NOT hear a bulldozer coming?
Day of the Warrior
Reply #8. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by oldschool
Going through channels last night, I came across this little gem. I thought for a minute I had come across soft porn. Those breasts were SCARY big. The big blonde (Kim, I think), was the only actress I recognized. She had a part on "JAG" as a pilot whose hobby was - that's right - weight lifting. I think I would have enjoyed the movie if I had turned off the sound. The dialogue was only slightly less moronic than the acting. I'm glad I didn't pay to see this stinker, big boobs or not. Best part of the movie: Chinese Elvis gets hit with the big rack. Laughed my butt off at that.
Pages: [1] 2
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