DEATHSTALKER
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 1983 Palo Ato Productions Inc.
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
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- Deathstalker - Deadly fighter and all around hero type, except he likes to force himself on women and eat dog.
- Kaira - Blonde female warrior who loves aggressive men, falls in love with Deathstalker, but dies after Gargit wounds her.
- Oghris - This guy looks just like Scott Baio with a large bare midriff, he's a traitor who lured Deathstalker to the tournament. Suffers from a case of "snapped neck."
- Salmaron - Old guy who was turned into an imp/troll/whatever by Lord Munkar, freed by Deathstalker and his human form doesn't look much better.
- Princess Codille - Top heavy maiden in distress. Not in a dress mind you.
- Toralva - Nasty old witch, toasted by Munkar for helping Deathstalker.
- Pig Monster - Evil warrior with a pig's head.
- About a dozen women in their twenties - Where do you think all the breast shots come from?
- Gargit - Henchmen, there's a rather brief, but disturbing period during which Munkar turns him into a woman (Princess Codille) and then Deathstalker tries to force himself upon the magical gender bender. Killed by Kaira.
- Howard - Evil hand puppet which lives in a box, eats a diet of eyes and fingers.
- Lord Munkar / General Kang - Evil sorcerer who controls two of the great powers. Torn apart by townspeople after Deathstalker defeats him.
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| Sword and sorcery movies tend to catch my attention, not the least reason being they're often filled with naked women. One minute you're grumbling about who directed this fight scene, the next it's, "Oh hey, hooters!" Deathstalker, named after the main character, is no exception. Now here's a role model hero, he's a murderer and thief for goodness sakes! Which explains why the deposed king begs him to save the princess and Toralva gives him one of the powers of creation. (A sword, the man wielding it can not be killed.) Fully equipped and accompanied by Salmaron he sets off for Munkar's castle, but the cast seems pretty sparse doesn't it? Not a problem! There are plenty of other warriors wandering the countryside, Munkar has declared a tournament, the winner shall inherit his throne. Truthfully the sorcerer only wishes to secure his position by killing the victor. Plenty of reasons for fighting in that plot, even a silly little monster the wizard keeps as a pet, but gratuitous breast shots? Perhaps women with 44DDs like the feeling of riding a galloping horse minus support? Deathstalker wins the tournament, then recovers the amulet and chalice of creation from Munkar. Guess what he does with them... ...no, he destroys them! No adverse effects there, destroying powers which created the world. (Cough.) The fight in which Kaira is mortally wounded cracks me up, her and Gargit fight it out for about five minutes, swords clashing together, him yelling at her, etc., and Deathstalker never hears a thing. Then the dying woman murmurs, "Deathstalker..." and he comes running out. Who in their right mind would even try to battle a guy named "Deathstalker" in a b-movie anyway? Warrior: "So what is my next opponent's name?" Manager: "Deathstalker..." Warrior: (Jumps a little.) "Oh shit, um, gotta go, my hut is on fire." |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- Six bowlegged trolls can easily sneak up on you.
- In days of old women's clothing was less complicated.
- Medieval women were always being tied up and raped by brigands, it's a wonder they got any housework done.
- Throw two girls into a mud pit and they'll instantly attack each other.
- A man with breasts will spend a lot of time touching himself.
- If some huge guy is carrying a mattock don't stab him in the genitals.
- Falling into a harem is always good news.
- You can break a man's neck by turning it ten degrees left.
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- 3 mins - My thoughts exactly when faced by half a dozen trolls carrying axes.
- 7 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 12 mins - Hey Kang, you lost your peasant...
- 27 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 28 mins - Nice mole, ugh.
- 30 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 38 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS LARGE MUD COVERED BREASTS SHOT!
- 41 mins - Okay, everyone resume violence.
- 42 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A SERVANT!
- 47 mins - Please stop, I know, the audience knows, but you don't know that you're kissing a man. Oh no, not that, please don't force yourself on her/him/it...
- 72 mins - A Munkar convention, imagine that.
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | deathstalker1.wav
| Deathstalker: "Get any poorer and you're going to have to eat that dog."
Dog: *GROWL*
Deposed King: "I hope it'll be as tasty as the one you're enjoying."
Deathstalker: "Real kings live in castles, like Lord Munkar."
Deposed King: "Munkar was my magician. That castle was mine, and will be again."
Deathstalker: "It is said that once an entire army marched against him, a real army. Munkar waved his hand and turned the whole army into a flock of sheep."
| | deathstalker2.wav
| Toralva: "Go! Reunite the three powers!"
Deathstalker: "And after they are together?"
Toralva: "You can do anything. You will be the power!"
| | deathstalker3.wav
| Munkar: "Were you planning to take her with you?"
Deathstalker: (carrying Codille) "For the night, anyway."
Munkar: "She is mine you know, but I think she fancies you. I'll have her sent to your chamber once the excitement is over."
*Celebratory brawl resumes*
| | deathstalker4.wav
| Munkar: "I trust you're comfortable?"
Oghris: "I am not, and this is no way to treat the man who brought you Deathstalker."
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| Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | deathstalker1.mpg
- 5.2m
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| See, this is what I mean about taking on a warrior named "Deathstalker."
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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Reply #1. Posted on October 28, 2000, 06:20:57 PM by Roy
Its pretty cool that the guy who played Oghris in this movie played Jason in Friday 3D.
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Reply #2. Posted on December 07, 2000, 09:33:51 PM by Meri
I think Oghris is cool. It sux how he had to get his neck snapped. And o yea, he kicked ass as Jason in Friday 3D. Whadda hottie! Luv yah Richie!
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Reply #3. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by Ashley
This film is everything a bad barbarian movie should be and a bit more. The only movie that tops this is the Deathstalker 2. Which strangely has about 15 minutes of film from the first one spliced in to fill out some fight seens.
I am still trying to find the third film. I saw it in a video store on holiday once.
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Reply #4. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by joey
This movie is one of my "guilty pleasures". Everything about it is cool - Heroic, musclebound Rick Hill, ravishing Barbi Benton, Rick Hill RAVISHING Barbi Benton... need I say more?
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Reply #5. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by whatever
A B-movie that is pretty fun. This movie is actually more entertaining than recent flicks like Dungeons & Dragons or
Scorpion King; and it was made with a budget that would equal what was used for catering on these current big budget schlockfests.
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Reply #6. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by Ken
this movie series is great the Barbarian Queen movies where cool also I think Rick Hill is the only true DeathStalker {he returns in the 4th one} Join the DeathStalker & Barbarian Queen fan-club for info,pics,& clips on both series @ http://groups.yahoo.com/group/deathstalkerclub |
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Reply #7. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by The Necrofile-Crocodile
This is the worst movie i've ever seen!!!
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Reply #8. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by kniGht
Actually, I think it was a pretty good movie, for the genre.
Halfway decent plot, terrific guy in the lead (Rick Hill), and some of the sweetest wenches I've ever seen! It kinda deteriorated toward the end, but it was fun getting there. Didn't this pic win the Oscar for best picture that year?
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