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THE DUNGEONMASTER - 1 Slime
Rated PG-13
Copyright 1985 Empire Pictures
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Paul - Nerd extreme, I'm surprised he has a girlfriend. Pretty tough when dressed in blue though, have to hand that to him.
  • Gwen - Paul's girlfriend who is jealous of his computer.
  • Cal - Paul's super desktop computer with nearly sixty-four kilobytes of memory. It can do anything! Interact with an ATM, scan equipment for problems, even shoot laser beams.
  • Mestema - Richard Moll! Yes, it's "Bull" from "Night Court" as the budget version of Satan!
  • The Midgets - Phil and Sal Fondacaro! Evil worshipers (I guess?) of the stone giant.
  • A Stone Giant, Zombies, and other weird things - Adversaries that Paul must defeat to free Gwen.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Here we have an example of Charles Band getting creative, honestly this is not a good thing. Granted, only one segment of the film (with the hard rockers) was directly his fault, since each part was written by a different person. It is much like one of those writing assignments you had in English, where someone begins the story and each following person adds a paragraph. Remember the guy who always had Hulk Hogan bust in and start beating whatever characters four other people had fleshed out? Well imagine some whacko scientist cloned him, sent all the clones to screenwriting school, and then actually produced the movie they wrote together (each adding a paragraph of course). Yes, it's that bad.

As this absurd plot would have it, Satan has been listlessly plodding through the centuries in search of a worthy opponent. Bypassing some promising types like Christ, Joan of Arc, and Teddy Roosevelt he finds Paul. What in the hell is Satan thinking? So what if Paul can meld with his computer, it's a computer. Not a holy sword, nor a magical tome, not even a blessed elixir. I'd be damned if anything which manipulates ones and zeros would be my choice of weapons versus the Devil.

Despite not understanding the "magic" of computers, the fallen angel turns Cal into a bracer that Paul then wears on his arm, matching the rest of his blue suit. Handsomely equipped he is sent to face the terrors of the aforementioned annoying screenwriting guild and I refuse to describe everything they came up with. Suffice to say that he usually conquers each challenge by tapping a few buttons on Cal and shooting blue beams at it, then he does a glittering dissolve back to the staging area. Get used to the dissolves, there are lots of them.

Finally Paul is sick and tired of this (join the party bud), he challenges the hulking Dungeonmaster to unarmed combat. Winner takes all, loser is tossed into a river of lava, whatever. Why Satan is vanquished by taking a dip in molten rock is beyond (maybe I mean below) me, but then again so is this film.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • The Prince of Evil is completely mystified by computers. (Which clears Bill Gates of some serious allegations.)
  • Midgets are kleptomaniacs and are able to outrun a full grown man who is in top physical condition.
  • Dead bodies do no make comfortable beds.
  • Hard rock groupies should trim their fingernails more often.
  • Satan likes to make puns - bad, evil puns...
  • Cops hate jelly doughnuts.
  • Satan needs to invest in a thesaurus.
  • Laser weapons have recoil, lot's of it.
  • Deities do not have very much practice at hand to hand combat.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 5 mins - I don't know what this has to do with the movie, but I like it.
  • 15 mins - What in the heck is going on?
  • 34 mins - Why did Einstein go to Hell? How is this fair?
  • 38 mins - They probably have herpes or something like that, you are dealing with Satan here.
  • 41 mins - What about the dead body? These cops should call the station or an ambulance right? Anyone with me here?
  • 47 mins - Paul ran just over one mile in five minutes, through city streets.
  • 53 mins - Thermonuclear or geothermal? I'm confused, but this is not any drastic change from the last fifty-two minutes.
  • 56 mins - Now when exactly was Satan a "lad?" In an alley? What?
  • Ending Credits - I feel like someone (a very large someone) has been sitting on my head.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note dungeonmaster1.wav Gwen: "Why did this happen to me? How did I fall for a guy whose first love is a machine?"
Green Music Note dungeonmaster2.wav Mestema: "In a future reality I shall destroy you!"
Paul: "I reject your reality and I substitute my own."
Green Music Note dungeonmaster3.wav Paul: "You know what you are? You're the lowest of the low. You use people for your own entertainment, your own little whims and fancies."
Green Music Note dungeonmaster4.wav Cal: "Warning, thermonuclear activity."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipdungeonmaster1.mpg - 2.9m
Paul encounters the stone giant and overcomes it the same way he does most of his challenges. Nothing clever or interesting, he just taps a few buttons and shoots rays at it.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: [1] 2 3
The Dungeonmaster
Reply #1. Posted on May 15, 2000, 11:14:48 AM by Ken Begg
Since it'll undoubtedly be a while (i.e., years) before I get around to doing this myself -- and curse you, Andrew, for doing it before me! -- I'd like to mention one of my all-time bad movie bits.  The Satan guy does or says something vaguely evil, and the hero notes (in a bad Clint Eastwood sort of way) that "You're the lowest of the low!", following which Satan angrily reacts with one of those "Why, You! I'll...!" reactions.  You'd really think the Prince of Darkness would have a thicker skin after all these years.

P.S.  I think the band's Black Flag.  An old schoolmate got excited when we made her watch the film, because her cousin was the lead singer.
The Dungeonmaster
Reply #2. Posted on May 17, 2000, 10:52:58 AM by Monica
Finally! Someone else actually saw this gem. I first watched it as a kid, and was blown away by the utter cheesiness of this fiasco. The highlight was seeing WASP in one of the "vignettes" complete with the requisite rocker dudes and aqua net babes...what can I say, I found this movie again at a store for $5.00 last week, and could not resist. I had to add it to my already heinously cheesy collection...hey. have you seen a movie called Interface? It's right up (down?) there with this flick. for a real gastronomical treat, do a double feature!
The Dungeonmaster
Reply #3. Posted on July 08, 2000, 08:22:16 PM by Max Levin
I just want you all to know that I saw this movie when I was a kid. CanŽt forget it, cause I thought it was great! But if I see it today, IŽll maybe dislike it. Who knows...
The Dungeonmaster
Reply #4. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by masterblaster-rob
I remeber seeing this movieas a kid with my dad. we both
have been big fans of this film ever since. I highly
recomemend it!!!
The Dungeonmaster
Reply #5. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by GREG
I LOVE THIS MOVIE! I saw when i was very young and has stuck with me for a long time. This movie rocks, the music rocks, and I want to see this on DVD! Where's my Dungeonmaster 2?
The Dungeonmaster
Reply #6. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by steve flynn
has anyone seen my copy of this movie? i had it when i was a kid my older brother bought it for a pound {i'm irish}
i only remembered it recently and when i looked at the clip for it here nostalgic feelings filled me like a toilet bowl on a bank holiday morning and i really miss my copy of this extremly bad movie. btw over here it was known as RAGEWAR.
The Dungeonmaster
Reply #7. Posted on July 22, 2001, 02:25:14 PM by jimmy johns jones
First off, best movie ever.  Second, what the heck happens at the end of the movie?
The Dungeonmaster
Reply #8. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Ricky
Black Flag! No, the band in the movie was WASP an 80's heavy metal band.Black Flag was a punk band and Henry Rollins was the lead singer.I love this movie and I own it on vhs, I had the poster when I was younger.Did anyone recognize satan in the movie, none other than Bull from the 80's t.v. show night court!This movie is one of the best of the worst movies I have ever seen.                                                                
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