|Copyright 1990 SGE Entertainment Corporation
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
- Jeffrey - Electrician and mad scientist, brilliant once you bore a hole through his head. Has that very same head sliced off by Zorro.
- Elizabeth - Jeffrey's girlfriend, turned into mulch by a lawnmower.
- Zorro - Very large and angry pimp, loses his entire harem to a bag of deadly drugs. Presumed dead.
- Honey, Amber, Angel, Crystal, Anise, Chartreuse, Snow, Sugar, and Monkey - Zorro's streetwalkers, every one of them explodes in a shower of sparks after doing some bad drugs.
- Frankenhooker's Trick - Funny little guy, he loves the "I'm a monster" routine until his body disintegrates.
- Jeffrey's Mom - Just that, plus she sounds like "The Godfather."
- The Shelley's - Elizabeth's family, whatever.
- Frankenhooker - Monster created from Elizabeth's head, the bodies of dead hookers, and spare electrical equipment. Everything on this girl is purple, I mean everything...
|This is your standard New Jersey love story, boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, girl gets sliced to ribbons by remote control lawnmower, boy patches girl back together with parts from hookers, girl goes on a rampage in New York City. The film is a riot, especially the "Exploding Prostitutes" scene, half a dozen naked women blowing apart! Jeffrey is an electrician who dabbles in mad science, he even has this weird cyclops-brain creature. (Still don't understand that thing, but it ends up in a fish tank, swimming happy with the guppies.) At Mr. Shelley's birthday party an accident involving the powerful remote control lawnmower grinds up Elizabeth, she kills herself actually. (Darwin didn't consider blondes in his studies.) Utterly crushed, the young man begins hatching a plan to bring her back. Having kept the head from his deceased in a deep freezer full of preservative he intends to butcher a hooker and use her body. Jeffrey couldn't actually kill anyone, so he devises a special blend of crack cocaine which causes the user to explode! Losing nerve at the last second he repents, unfortunately for the hookers they delve into his bag. Finding the crack, the women have a party - until everyone starts blowing up. After that Jeffrey has all the parts he needs, soon Frankenhooker is brought to life by an electrical storm. Major problem, her brain is scrambled and all she wants to do is turn tricks. Tromping through New York City the female monster causes any male who gets intimate to explode, until Zorro knocks her head off and unscrambles the circuits. Then our mad scientist has his precious girlfriend back, though there is a trick ending. Zorro kills Jeffrey, just before a horde of spare hooker parts drag the pimp away. Frankenhooker has only one way to bring her lover back, rejuvenation will only work on female bodies, so Jeffrey wakes up to the new and higher estrogen version of himself. The crazy antics never stop, CHEESY special effects lurk everywhere, Jeffrey drills holes in his own head, (It helps him think.) and the faces Frankenhooker makes, oh man did those crack me up. She has this way of snarling, it's great.
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Brain surgery requires a hammer and scalpel.
- Never stand in front of a remote control lawn mower.
- Gray's Anatomy comes complete with wiring diagrams.
- Egg salad contains Lithium.
- Pink lemonade is a preservative.
- The key to unlocking creative genius is a power drill.
- Pimps brand their hookers.
- Crack causes guinea pigs to explode.
- Areola should not be purple. (Oh go and look it up.)
- Never kiss, hump, or orally gratify an electric hooker.
- Pimps hate surgeons.
- 1 min - What the heck is that thing?
- 11 mins - Hmmm, I wonder who has those missing body parts.
- 14 mins - Did mom smoke for too many years?
- 27 mins - A flock of hookers!
- 28 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 30 mins - Memo to self: "Stay out of New York City restrooms."
- 43 mins - MULTIPLE RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOTS! IT'S THE MOTHER LOAD!
- 45 mins - Exploding prostitutes! Woohoo!
- 56 mins - Where did she get one brown arm from anyway?
- 58 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A BUSINESSMAN!
- 65 mins - Not very well adjusted there, gal; what is up with your face?
- 76 mins - Oops, Jeffrey is dead.
- Jersey Girl: "Jeffrey stapled your stomach?"
Elizabeth: "Yeah, but it didn't help much, I'm still a compulsive eater."
- Jeffrey: "For crying out loud, you're like cats with catnip!"
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||News report about the lawn mower accident.
||Jeffrey: "I can make you into anything you want! I can make you the centerfold goddess of the century...just need the right parts."
||Frankenhooker: "Wanna date?"
||Jeffrey: "What are you, some kind of a Swede? You're talking to me in Swedish in Times Square!"
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
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