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Rated G
Copyright 1969 Daiei
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Gamera - Everybody's favorite jet propelled turtle and protector of all children, even bald ones.
  • Akio - Young Japanese boy who believes in aliens, especially after they shave his head.
  • Tommy - American boy who can hit a button with a suction cup pistol from ten yards. Oh, and by the way Tommy, your mom is woof-dog ugly.
  • Tomoko - Akio's little sister, she's smart enough not to get on board flying saucers.
  • Kondo - Goofy police officer.
  • Barbella and Florella - Two outer space chicks who love to eat brains, especially fresh young ones. Barbella zaps her friend then gets in the way of a stray missile.
  • Gaos - Huge bird monster, chopped into stir fry by Guiron.
  • Guiron - The solar system's largest paring knife, broken in half by Gamera.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Gamera has fought some darn silly opponents, not the least of which is this one. Take a Bulldog and strap the largest kitchen knife you have to it's head, that's Guiron. (Actually kids, do not strap a kitchen knife to a Bulldog's head - though I honestly doubt any court would hear your case, our judicial system is pretty whacked at times.)

Akio and Tommy find a flying saucer, so they climb aboard and start fooling with the controls. When it lifts off Tomoko is left wondering what to tell mom, while the two astronauts are experiencing some mild anxiety, until Gamera shows up. The big turtle comes motoring through space, propelled by flames from his rear end, intending to take the kids back home. The saucer has other ideas, leaving Gamera behind and bringing the boys to an advanced world guarded by Guiron.

The planet's (it's on the mirror side of the Sun from us) only inhabitants are a pair of space women who plan on eating some fresh brains, then fleeing to Earth. It seems that a horde of Gaos are slowly destroying their world and the planet climate control system is degenerating to boot. I tell you, when it rains it pours. Lucky for Akio Gamera arrives just in time, the two cranium craving coeds were ready to split his newly shaved grape and dig in.

Unfortunately for Gamera he wasn't quite ready for an huge rubber carving knife to come jumping at him (Okay, I'm here and... ...WHAT IN THE HECK IS THAT?), he tumbles into a nearby lake after being pummeled. Following a brief rest we see the overgrown Macroclemys Temminckii back for more, and putting Mary Lou Retton to shame! He's kinda shaped like her too.

Dubbed Kaiju films are always a blast and this one is no exception, plenty of goofy lines to amuse you.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Advanced civilizations have perfect driving records.
  • Toy sucker cup shooting pistols are pretty powerful.
  • Japanese police shave little kid's heads when they are bad.
  • Gamera likes to drag race.
  • Monsters cause water to flow uphill.
  • Aliens talk in fast forward.
  • Huge monsters know how to use throwing stars.
  • If somebody will not wake up you should punch them in the forehead.
  • Turtles are naturally agile and experts on the parallel bars.
  • Gamera has a sexy butt... (Hey, they had to show it to me.)

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 4 mins - What about Uranus? (Hehe, um, silly joke - sorry.)
  • 12 mins - Is that kid wearing thigh-high socks and daisy dukes? Who dressed him? Did RuPaul go back in time and dress him?
  • 16 mins - Now these are some awesome special effects.
  • 21 mins - Earth is a planet, not a star, you moron.
  • 28 mins - Nothing like an inconspicuous BLINKING ORANGE security camera.
  • 30 mins - Are those neon hula-hoops?
  • 48 mins - What are you kids drinking, it sure isn't milk.
  • 60 mins - You know, they really should have a big "Beware of the Dog" sign or something.
  • 75 mins - What is that blinking belt thing of hers anyway, a fertility meter?


  • Kondo: "Remember, the next time, if you are naughty again, I'll shave your heads!"
    Kids: "Ewww."
  • Barbella: "And we can't waste any time, because while they are sleeping we'll eat their brains raw."

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

Green Music Note gamvsguiron1.wav Guiron roaring.
Green Music Note gamvsguiron2.wav Akio: "What a superior civilization. You know, I looked in my telescope every day, and I thought there'd be a perfect planet, without work, or wars, and traffic accidents, and I've been believing it up to this day."
Green Music Note gamvsguiron3.wav Barbella: "Let's eat the kids later, and let's fix the spacecraft first."
Green Music Note gamvsguiron4.wav Scientist: "Gamera is heading this way with a spaceship in his mouth!"
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 


 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipgamvsguiron1.mpg - 2.8m
Gamera on the parallel bars, can he stick the landing? You can reach down and pick your jaw up now. Stuff like this happens all the time in Gamera movies.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 6
Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #17. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Chris B.
Actually the cop's name is Kondo and the girl calls him Kon-chan. The -chan is a Japanese title (like Mr. or Miss is used in America) but is usually used for children. Why she calls him that is unknown to me.
Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #18. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Dragon
This flick is what I've grown to like alot. Guiron is a rather freaky but scary creature and takes no prisioners.
The first Gamera/Gurion battle was good. I'm glad to see the un-edited scenes with the space Gaos and Gurion fight for the first time in 1992. I do have the VHS and other titles. But WHY there is no release of "Gamera vs Jiger"??
Not fair! That has got to be the best Gamera flick, from the early days.

Gamera is, to me, is more brilliant than Godzilla. Since I find Godzilla pointless.
Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #19. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Josie
For some reason my friends and I found ourselves quoting Monty Python during the 'Guiron Fights Gaos' scene...

"You've got no arms left!"
"But a flesh wound!  The tinfoil pterodactyls always triumph!"
"What are you going to do, bleed blue paint on me?"

And did anybody else think the water was disturbingly yellow?
Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #20. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Anonymous
My favorite of the Gamera movies, next to Gamera vs. Baragon and Gamera vs. Gaos. It's a bit violent, even for a kaiju film, what with Guiron cutting up Gaos like he did, but it was still fun.
Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #21. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Aku
The plot & such wern't so good, but gamera look his best in this film.Guiron wasn't too bad eather,still bad plot, bad human acting, ect, ect,ect.
Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #22. Posted on November 27, 2002, 05:14:19 PM by tyler
This is the worst GAMERA movie I have seen!Save your mony!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #23. Posted on January 29, 2003, 02:25:14 AM by Gowest
With a warm heart I say Thank you! Everything enjoyable in this movie is found at this site. Good Job
Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #24. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by James Perry
Top Notch Gamera (when watched with Joel and the Bots --CROW:  "That's Cathy Rigby in that suit")!  This is fun even without the MST3K treatment.
Cornjob is the MST3K version of the cop-on-a-bike's name, certainly.  The little girl probably calls him this because Kon-chan (Cornjob, whatever) is a bit childlike.  
I've watched these wonderful Japanese monster movies for years.  I wish they'd put them back on along with UltraSeven, Prince of Space and etc.  Probably too much to ask in this by-the-ratings TV age!  At least Sci-Fi resurrects these things.  But I'll cheer like hell when (if) a DVD widescreen of King Kong VS Godzilla comes out!
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