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GAMERA VS GUIRON - 4 Slimes
Rated G
Copyright 1969 Daiei
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Gamera - Everybody's favorite jet propelled turtle and protector of all children, even bald ones.
  • Akio - Young Japanese boy who believes in aliens, especially after they shave his head.
  • Tommy - American boy who can hit a button with a suction cup pistol from ten yards. Oh, and by the way Tommy, your mom is woof-dog ugly.
  • Tomoko - Akio's little sister, she's smart enough not to get on board flying saucers.
  • Kondo - Goofy police officer.
  • Barbella and Florella - Two outer space chicks who love to eat brains, especially fresh young ones. Barbella zaps her friend then gets in the way of a stray missile.
  • Gaos - Huge bird monster, chopped into stir fry by Guiron.
  • Guiron - The solar system's largest paring knife, broken in half by Gamera.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Gamera has fought some darn silly opponents, not the least of which is this one. Take a Bulldog and strap the largest kitchen knife you have to it's head, that's Guiron. (Actually kids, do not strap a kitchen knife to a Bulldog's head - though I honestly doubt any court would hear your case, our judicial system is pretty whacked at times.)

Akio and Tommy find a flying saucer, so they climb aboard and start fooling with the controls. When it lifts off Tomoko is left wondering what to tell mom, while the two astronauts are experiencing some mild anxiety, until Gamera shows up. The big turtle comes motoring through space, propelled by flames from his rear end, intending to take the kids back home. The saucer has other ideas, leaving Gamera behind and bringing the boys to an advanced world guarded by Guiron.

The planet's (it's on the mirror side of the Sun from us) only inhabitants are a pair of space women who plan on eating some fresh brains, then fleeing to Earth. It seems that a horde of Gaos are slowly destroying their world and the planet climate control system is degenerating to boot. I tell you, when it rains it pours. Lucky for Akio Gamera arrives just in time, the two cranium craving coeds were ready to split his newly shaved grape and dig in.

Unfortunately for Gamera he wasn't quite ready for an huge rubber carving knife to come jumping at him (Okay, I'm here and... ...WHAT IN THE HECK IS THAT?), he tumbles into a nearby lake after being pummeled. Following a brief rest we see the overgrown Macroclemys Temminckii back for more, and putting Mary Lou Retton to shame! He's kinda shaped like her too.

Dubbed Kaiju films are always a blast and this one is no exception, plenty of goofy lines to amuse you.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Advanced civilizations have perfect driving records.
  • Toy sucker cup shooting pistols are pretty powerful.
  • Japanese police shave little kid's heads when they are bad.
  • Gamera likes to drag race.
  • Monsters cause water to flow uphill.
  • Aliens talk in fast forward.
  • Huge monsters know how to use throwing stars.
  • If somebody will not wake up you should punch them in the forehead.
  • Turtles are naturally agile and experts on the parallel bars.
  • Gamera has a sexy butt... (Hey, they had to show it to me.)

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 4 mins - What about Uranus? (Hehe, um, silly joke - sorry.)
  • 12 mins - Is that kid wearing thigh-high socks and daisy dukes? Who dressed him? Did RuPaul go back in time and dress him?
  • 16 mins - Now these are some awesome special effects.
  • 21 mins - Earth is a planet, not a star, you moron.
  • 28 mins - Nothing like an inconspicuous BLINKING ORANGE security camera.
  • 30 mins - Are those neon hula-hoops?
  • 48 mins - What are you kids drinking, it sure isn't milk.
  • 60 mins - You know, they really should have a big "Beware of the Dog" sign or something.
  • 75 mins - What is that blinking belt thing of hers anyway, a fertility meter?

Quotes: 

  • Kondo: "Remember, the next time, if you are naughty again, I'll shave your heads!"
    Kids: "Ewww."
  • Barbella: "And we can't waste any time, because while they are sleeping we'll eat their brains raw."

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note gamvsguiron1.wav Guiron roaring.
Green Music Note gamvsguiron2.wav Akio: "What a superior civilization. You know, I looked in my telescope every day, and I thought there'd be a perfect planet, without work, or wars, and traffic accidents, and I've been believing it up to this day."
Green Music Note gamvsguiron3.wav Barbella: "Let's eat the kids later, and let's fix the spacecraft first."
Green Music Note gamvsguiron4.wav Scientist: "Gamera is heading this way with a spaceship in his mouth!"
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

ImageImageImage
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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipgamvsguiron1.mpg - 2.8m
Gamera on the parallel bars, can he stick the landing? You can reach down and pick your jaw up now. Stuff like this happens all the time in Gamera movies.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6
Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #25. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by slycooper
Whoever thought a flying turtle that breathes fire should be Japan's savior is completely nuts. But at the same time a genious. A genious at taking a seemingly goofy idea and making it even more goofy. This has to be among Gamer'as most embarassinbg moments. His main rivals here are two squirrely voiced girls who own this...bulldog knife headed shuriken throwing monster...thing. what in god's name was going on in the creator's heads when they made Guiron? (Even the guys who make all those Pokemon monsters in Japan come up with better looking monsters than this.) The Japanese are masters at making weird monsters with seemingly cool powers. Also masters at making turtles real fighters. Not to mention expert gymnasts. (I wasn't sure if Gamera was trying to impress guiron before Guiron macheted him with shurikens.) There is one thing however that remains planted in my brain that makes me hate these kinda movies. not bad special effects or goofy plots, but tight short-shorts annoying brat kids! Kids who speak in tones equivalent to nails going down chalkboards, and constantly ooh and aah at every freaking thing. This is where most of the inspiration for your animes come from. A seemingly serious situation turned goofy somehow. What can I say? Godzilla or Gamera? you decide. Oh, and the movie also taught me Japan's law enforcment. thanks to our local policeman "cornjob" (as mst3k dubbed him" "If you're bad, I'll shave your heads!" Reminds me of what Americans were doing with Japanese films long before they actually sat down and learned the language. Now U.S.A's a hot zone for Japanese language and culture. Thanks to anime, and not so much goofy Gamera and Godzilla movies.
Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #26. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by Todd Shields
I used to think that this the worst Gamera movie before I saw G VS. ZIGRA. The only improvement the Sandy Frankenfurter version had over the AIP dub (ATTACK OF THE MONSTERS) was the inclusion of Gyaos getting butchered.
 But either way you go, they both stink!
Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #27. Posted on March 19, 2008, 06:49:48 PM by George
For quite awhile everybody who's been a fan of this 5th entry to the Gamera movies has been waitting for the return of that missing scene where Guiron chops up Space Gaos,your wait is over,Showa Video has the complete version,thanks in part to me,you see I gave our good friend at Showa Video not only that great video of X-From Outer Space,but also the two and a half minutes of Guiron & Gaos he needed to make the AIP version complete,some companies claim they had it,Showa Video does!,it's my way of contributing to the cause,if anyone out there has a perfect recording of the AIP version of War of the Monsters send it Showa Videos way!,we'll all be glad you did!.
Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #28. Posted on September 13, 2008, 10:12:21 AM by Dr. Mobogo
The restored footage is WICKED! Anyone making fun of Guiron hasn't seen him sever Gaos' leg by deflecting his own sonic beam, then stand over his helpless foe and sadistically lop off his head and various bodyparts like a Benihana chef! Badass!

Gamera was like an old-school wrestler, typically bleeding much more than other monsters. So I knew as a kid that the Guiron matchup was going to be grisly - and it sure was. This'd be a favorite of mine, except for the incredibly obtuse white kid.
Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #29. Posted on March 29, 2009, 03:01:21 PM by George
Ah yes!,the first Gamera film the KMR reviewer ever saw,I didn't see it until 1985!.

Yet I knew there was something just not right about that Guiron Goas encounter.

It wasn't until 1991 when the horrible Sandy Frank dub was shown on the sci-fi channel,that was the best part of the movie so what I did was videotape that part and put in the AIP version,as I've already said I then gave this 2mins to my friend at Showa Video,so if Mr.Wickwire wants an original AIP dub with the 2mins of Space Gaos getting owned by Guiron,he and you too,can get said dvd from Showa Video!.
Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #30. Posted on April 07, 2009, 03:06:35 PM by George
I've said a lot of things about this particular Gamera movie,I have always liked the original Gamera series,especially Return of the Giant Monsters.

But I also have a fondness for this one because I never saw until 1985,taped it,the UHF channel was comming clear as a bell!,yet I knew something wasn't right about the Guiron Gaos fight,so when the redubbed SF version was on the Sci-Fi station,I just taped that 2mins and put it on my AIP version.

In a way Sandy Frank did some good,giving us Gamera vs. Zigra,Speed Racer,Legend of the Dinosaurs,and a whole host of bad movies for MST3K.

Destroy All Planets and Attack of the Monsters were not the original concept.
After the huge success of Gamera vs. Gaos Daie made two live shows called Invasion of the Virains and Terror on Planet Terra staring everybodies favorite turtle Gamera!,since they were live,they couldn't splice them into movies.For a half hour each Saturday an episode was shown,this was the latter half of 1967 & early 1968.

When Daie announced they were going to make movies from these two matinee features,the kids of Japan couldn't be happier!.

However by that time,for some reason,Masaichi Nagata and 3 other daie workers,(thankfully not Noriaki Yuasa),were using company founds to bribe public officials and who knows for what other things ,you can read a little about that over at Sci-Fi Japan News.

Thankfully AIP was still in the monster making mood,they helped Daie with 3 of there last 4 Gamera movies,Destroy All Planets,(really made on the cheap,with mostly stock footage from the original 3 Gamera films,with new scenes filmed in outer space and on beach front property).
Attack of the Monsters though had a little more ump,thanks to financial help from AIP,they also gave financial backing for Gamera vs. Monster-X as well.

However after that AIP sinced the trend in movies was moving away from monsters,in 1971 they chose Godzilla vs. Headarh over Gamera vs. Zigra as there final monster entry in there long and distinguished career of giving us some of the best and memorable monster classic ever to be seen on Creature Feature!.
Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #31. Posted on October 12, 2009, 12:59:03 AM by david G
       Things I also learned from this movie
* Gaos is made from easy cutting organic Foam. LOL
  also I love Myst3k
           DG
Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #32. Posted on October 12, 2009, 01:00:30 PM by venomx
This is my favorite Gamera movie! I have the uncut VHS version! (total bloodfest)

IMO the DVD version sucks.
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