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Rated G
Copyright 1969 Daiei
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Gamera - Everybody's favorite jet propelled turtle and protector of all children, even bald ones.
  • Akio - Young Japanese boy who believes in aliens, especially after they shave his head.
  • Tommy - American boy who can hit a button with a suction cup pistol from ten yards. Oh, and by the way Tommy, your mom is woof-dog ugly.
  • Tomoko - Akio's little sister, she's smart enough not to get on board flying saucers.
  • Kondo - Goofy police officer.
  • Barbella and Florella - Two outer space chicks who love to eat brains, especially fresh young ones. Barbella zaps her friend then gets in the way of a stray missile.
  • Gaos - Huge bird monster, chopped into stir fry by Guiron.
  • Guiron - The solar system's largest paring knife, broken in half by Gamera.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Gamera has fought some darn silly opponents, not the least of which is this one. Take a Bulldog and strap the largest kitchen knife you have to it's head, that's Guiron. (Actually kids, do not strap a kitchen knife to a Bulldog's head - though I honestly doubt any court would hear your case, our judicial system is pretty whacked at times.)

Akio and Tommy find a flying saucer, so they climb aboard and start fooling with the controls. When it lifts off Tomoko is left wondering what to tell mom, while the two astronauts are experiencing some mild anxiety, until Gamera shows up. The big turtle comes motoring through space, propelled by flames from his rear end, intending to take the kids back home. The saucer has other ideas, leaving Gamera behind and bringing the boys to an advanced world guarded by Guiron.

The planet's (it's on the mirror side of the Sun from us) only inhabitants are a pair of space women who plan on eating some fresh brains, then fleeing to Earth. It seems that a horde of Gaos are slowly destroying their world and the planet climate control system is degenerating to boot. I tell you, when it rains it pours. Lucky for Akio Gamera arrives just in time, the two cranium craving coeds were ready to split his newly shaved grape and dig in.

Unfortunately for Gamera he wasn't quite ready for an huge rubber carving knife to come jumping at him (Okay, I'm here and... ...WHAT IN THE HECK IS THAT?), he tumbles into a nearby lake after being pummeled. Following a brief rest we see the overgrown Macroclemys Temminckii back for more, and putting Mary Lou Retton to shame! He's kinda shaped like her too.

Dubbed Kaiju films are always a blast and this one is no exception, plenty of goofy lines to amuse you.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Advanced civilizations have perfect driving records.
  • Toy sucker cup shooting pistols are pretty powerful.
  • Japanese police shave little kid's heads when they are bad.
  • Gamera likes to drag race.
  • Monsters cause water to flow uphill.
  • Aliens talk in fast forward.
  • Huge monsters know how to use throwing stars.
  • If somebody will not wake up you should punch them in the forehead.
  • Turtles are naturally agile and experts on the parallel bars.
  • Gamera has a sexy butt... (Hey, they had to show it to me.)

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 4 mins - What about Uranus? (Hehe, um, silly joke - sorry.)
  • 12 mins - Is that kid wearing thigh-high socks and daisy dukes? Who dressed him? Did RuPaul go back in time and dress him?
  • 16 mins - Now these are some awesome special effects.
  • 21 mins - Earth is a planet, not a star, you moron.
  • 28 mins - Nothing like an inconspicuous BLINKING ORANGE security camera.
  • 30 mins - Are those neon hula-hoops?
  • 48 mins - What are you kids drinking, it sure isn't milk.
  • 60 mins - You know, they really should have a big "Beware of the Dog" sign or something.
  • 75 mins - What is that blinking belt thing of hers anyway, a fertility meter?


  • Kondo: "Remember, the next time, if you are naughty again, I'll shave your heads!"
    Kids: "Ewww."
  • Barbella: "And we can't waste any time, because while they are sleeping we'll eat their brains raw."

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

Green Music Note gamvsguiron1.wav Guiron roaring.
Green Music Note gamvsguiron2.wav Akio: "What a superior civilization. You know, I looked in my telescope every day, and I thought there'd be a perfect planet, without work, or wars, and traffic accidents, and I've been believing it up to this day."
Green Music Note gamvsguiron3.wav Barbella: "Let's eat the kids later, and let's fix the spacecraft first."
Green Music Note gamvsguiron4.wav Scientist: "Gamera is heading this way with a spaceship in his mouth!"
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 


 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipgamvsguiron1.mpg - 2.8m
Gamera on the parallel bars, can he stick the landing? You can reach down and pick your jaw up now. Stuff like this happens all the time in Gamera movies.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 ... 4 5 [6]
Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #41. Posted on August 09, 2010, 09:32:10 PM by George
I meant to say the AIP version of Attack of the Monsters with the 2mins of Gurion chopping up Gaos from the Sandy Frank version.
Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #42. Posted on September 24, 2010, 11:18:25 AM by Xenorama

Destroy All Planets and Attack of the Monsters were not the original concept.
After the huge success of Gamera vs. Gaos Daie made two live shows called Invasion of the Virains and Terror on Planet Terra staring everybodies favorite turtle Gamera!,since they were live,they couldn't splice them into movies.For a half hour each Saturday an episode was shown,this was the latter half of 1967 & early 1968.

When Daie announced they were going to make movies from these two matinee features,the kids of Japan couldn't be happier!.

Thankfully AIP was still in the monster making mood,they helped Daie with 3 of there last 4 Gamera movies,Destroy All Planets,(really made on the cheap,with mostly stock footage from the original 3 Gamera films,with new scenes filmed in outer space and on beach front property).
Attack of the Monsters though had a little more ump,thanks to financial help from AIP,they also gave financial backing for Gamera vs. Monster-X as well.

However after that AIP sinced the trend in movies was moving away from monsters,in 1971 they chose Godzilla vs. Headarh over Gamera vs. Zigra as there final monster entry in there long and distinguished career of giving us some of the best and memorable monster classic ever to be seen on Creature Feature!.

this isn't true.  AIP gave no money to Daiei at all to make the Gamera movies, except to import them directly to US TV. GODZILLA VS THE SMOG MONSTER was way more marketable, and went to the theaters first, then to TV.
check out the new DVDs from Shout! Factory, they are awesome.

Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #43. Posted on October 12, 2010, 06:30:54 PM by Brian
  They don't make 'em like this anymore... I say bring back " Creature Features " to the local TV channels and lets have a Gamera-Fest !     I remember in the early 70's watching Gamera Films as a child.   Viras and Guiron were the Films played the most..  Gammera, Gaos & Barugon were rarely seen in my area of the map, but all those Godzilla movies filled in the gaps on the local late night channels..  There is something magical about watching Japanese Kaiju movies at the midnight hour...  - Long Live Cornjob! javascript:void(0);
Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #44. Posted on October 13, 2010, 03:55:09 PM by Umaril The Unfeathered
There is something magical about watching Japanese Kaiju movies at the midnight hour...  - Long Live Cornjob! javascript:void(0);

LMFAO, good old officer Cornjob!  At least, that's what the officer's name sounded like. As to what a cornjob actually is...I'm wondering that myself,but with a name like that, do we want to know?  Buggedout
Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #45. Posted on October 14, 2010, 08:23:56 PM by George

Regarding the Shout Factory releases.According to Mr. A.C. Cronvich,SF did not do a good job with the English Soundtracks,they are out of sink with the movies,I pray this isn't the case,but if Mr.Cronvich says so,then I guess they more than likely are,and now that Keith and Showa Video are gone,he told me he was in pertty bad health so I guess he's either dead or to ill to run Showa Video anymore,in any case,if the soundtracks don't match then SF should go back and correct this at once,at least with our videos,they were the AIP versions with the 2mins of Sandy Frank on them.
Shout Factory and Sandy Frank,SF,makes one wonder.

As for the rest of it,after the success of Gamera vs. Gaos,Daiei made half hour episodes of Gamera Viras and Giuron,then the movies there after,and if weren't for AIP,Daiei may well of gone out of business a few years before they did.
Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #46. Posted on December 17, 2010, 07:33:59 PM by George
Shout Factory read A.C.Cronvichs review on Amazon,the AIP dub on the DVD i got was perfect,except for some high low sound when Guiron chopped up Gaos.
Only goes to prove one thing,constructive criticism goes along way to finally get the right results.
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