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GODZILLA 2000 - 2 Slimes
Rated PG
Copyright 1999 Toho Pictures
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 21 February 2009

The Characters:  

  • Shinoda - Apparently, living and working out of a studio loft apartment while your lifetime scientific rival sips chardonnay with the heads of state and flies around in a helicopter is a feather in your cap.
  • Yuki - For this woman, a lead-lined, professional grade, digital SLR camera is the Holy Grail.
  • Io - The first thing that she did after this movie was over was to take out a life insurance policy on her dad.
  • Katagiri - Everybody knew that he would go far due to his incredibly intense stare. It is the stare of a man who is going places. His secret is that he uses coffee in place of Visine, and that his eyelids have been surgically removed. Squished.
  • Miyasaka - You little toad.
  • Godzilla - He is going to rock Japan just like a hurricane. Except...Japan does not have to worry about hurricanes, they get typhoons. If a hurricane ever showed up in Japan, it would probably be lost and looking to buy a cheap GPS.
  • Orga - Giant monster that dies spectacularly when it tries to swallow Godzilla whole. Let me say that again: it tries to swallow Godzilla whole. Anybody confused as to why this thing is dead? No? Good.
  • The Flying Blue Nose from Outer Space - Wow, dumb.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Godzilla is a force of nature (8/8 trample, and all that) incarnated as a towering radioactive monster. When on a rampage, and he only visits Japan when he is in the mood to rampage, he is as destructive as any typhoon, earthquake, or tsunami. In fact, he could be more dangerous due to his unpredictability. An earthquake can level a city, leaving just rubble and refugees. The difference is that Godzilla is liable to return to stomp on all of the people who thought they were safe because there weren't any buildings left to collapse on them. Earthquakes don't do that.

Godzilla taking a leisurely stroll from Tokyo to Kyoto would be enough to make the utility companies lobby the government for the power to draft workers to repair downed electrical lines, cause a salivating Pavlov reaction in construction company CEOs, and inspire thousands of suicides among insurance underwriters. I always wonder if homeowners' policies in Japan require special coverage to insure against losses caused by giant monsters. Even worse, what if you need separate coverage for each different monster? "Oh, I'm sorry. Your plan only covered losses by Godzilla, Manda, Ghidrah, Gigan, or Anguirus. You are not insured against Baragon."

So, an interesting idea in "Godzilla 2000" is the Godzilla Prediction Network (GPN), which is a cousin to the storm chasers who hunt tornados. Shinoda and Io are the heart of the network, and the father-daughter team is very successful at predicting when and where Godzilla will come ashore. The Godzilla chasers want to understand what makes Godzilla tick, and why the giant monster is compelled to smash Tokyo flat every couple of years. What causes the rampages? Mrs. G getting on his nerves? His favorite team losing a game? Does Godzilla just wake up one morning and say to himself, "I hate people?"

Personally, I am voting for "I hate people."

The first half of the movie features Shinoda, Yuki, and Io chasing after Godzilla as the reptilian behemoth visits death and destruction on Japan once more. The Godzilla suit is excellent, and there are some beautiful shots of Godzilla stomping along, wrecking everything in his path. Actually, most of the scenes in the movie that show Godzilla are excellent. Unfortunately, there are a couple of scenes that look terrible. Anything with the meteorite (more on that stupid rock in a minute) looks awful, and there is one special effects shot of an attack helicopter launching missiles at Godzilla that looks so bad I wish I had never seen it to begin with.

Overall though, the blending of man-in-a-suit, real footage, and special effects is very good.

Godzilla comes ashore again, and nothing is stopping the king of monsters. Aquatic mines are useless, attack helicopters do not have any effect, tanks do not slow him down, he completely ignores the jet fighters, and the new Godzilla-piercing missiles...OK, those kind of hurt. Godzilla is not happy about the Godzilla-piercing missiles. Most of Japan stays glued to their televisions watching special reports on Godzilla, but Katagiri and Miyasaka are preoccupied by a huge meteorite that was found on the ocean floor. Raising the massive object to the surface causes an unexpected reaction: the meteorite levitates out of the water itself. Turns out that the meteorite is actually a solar-powered spaceship. It soaks up the sun's rays for a while, then zips off toward the Japanese mainland. When it arrives, the spaceship gets into a fight with Godzilla. The monster and the extraterrestrial craft blast each other. Godzilla swims off to recuperate, while the mysterious visitor from outer space sheds its rocky covering to reveal a sleek blue ship that is unconventional in its design.

The alien spaceship looks like a flying saucer with a big blue nose. Weird. Even weirder than that is the fact that Godzilla has the microscopic equivalent of magic elves in his blood. The "Regenerator G1" cells repair almost any damage immediately. The little magic elves are the reason that the flying blue nose is after Godzilla.

Did I really just type that last sentence?

Can your hearts stand the shocking truth about computer hackers from outer space? I ask because the spaceship parks itself atop a Shinjuku skyscraper and starts accessing the city's computer systems, all of them. The alien intelligence is searching for information about Godzilla. Shinoda tries to discover what the alien is after, but he almost gets killed when Katagiri orders the spaceship blown to kingdom come. The forty trillion candlepower plasma spotlight bombs obliterate the top few floors of the skyscraper; the spaceship is unscathed.

By this time, Godzilla is done taking a break. He shows up, angry at the flying nose from outer space. Unfortunately, there probably is not any way to have an interesting fight between a flying blue nose and Godzilla. This film is proof of that. Even after the spaceship knocks Godzilla down and steals a sample of Regenerator G1 to get pregnant, the movie does not get any better. The product of alien DNA combined with Regenerator G1 is a massive alien monster called Orga. The Orga suit looks terrible, and it is so massive that the actor inside can barely move. Orga basically has two attacks. One is to hunch over and shoot some sort of energy beam. The second is a comically bad haymaker.

Meanwhile, Godzilla blasts the spaceship and destroys most of it. Now the darn thing really does look like a flying nose! I am thankful that Godzilla finally destroyed the rest of that hideous special effect construction and put it out of its misery. I am even more thankful that Godzilla showed Orga why snakes never try to swallow radioactive fire-breathing lizards. As for what Godzilla does to Katagiri - well, I think that we all knew that was coming.

Out of everybody in this film, I feel sorry for Yuki. Her attempts to take pictures of Godzilla are doomed to failure, because she keeps getting too close to the radioactive monster. The film is destroyed by the radiation whenever that happens! You know, it might be a good idea for Yuki to get a mammogram in the near future. Her employer's health insurance program should cover it.

While the GPN is following Godzilla, the human part of the story is acceptable, but it feels like filler once Shinoda starts investigating Regenerator G1 in the laboratory. That old filler feeling is even worse when he sneaks into the skyscraper to spy on the alien's computer hacking efforts. As usual, the real reason to watch a Godzilla movie is Godzilla himself. We all want to revel in his destructive nature. I loved the scenes of Godzilla stomping around, making a nuisance of himself to anybody not smart enough to get out from underfoot. The same cannot be said of Godzilla's battles against the flying blue nose and Orga; those are not interesting.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Godzilla thinks that boats are for playing fetch.
  • Auto safety glass is not designed to withstand halitosis.
  • Destroying Tokyo on a regular basis is just Godzilla's way of promoting green energy.
  • The Blue Angels were formed to develop practical uses for synchronized aerobatics in combat situations.
  • Nobody likes a tailgater.
  • Every skyscraper needs a "No Parking" sign on the roof.
  • Installing optical fiber in your house is about as safe as licking a used handkerchief.
  • The worst thing about being a heartless government bastard is having to subsidize FTD Florists with your paycheck.
  • In the event of a UFO gravity cannon, avoid the stairs and use the elevator shaft.
  • Godzilla hates people that can't parallel park.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 4 mins - Dude, you need to find a convenience store and buy yourself a lottery ticket.
  • 7 mins - Did you have to shine it in his eyes? Was there any doubt about what you were looking at?
  • 11 mins - It's a Japanese man, dubbed in English, speaking French. Freaky.
  • 23 mins - Were you two an item at one time?
  • 38 mins - If you are trying to guess Godzilla's age by counting the layers of sediment...I think that I have found a flaw in your technique.
  • 48 mins - What idiot attached the tethers to the bridge?
  • 60 mins - Those are either bombs or a special edition of "Stratego."
  • 68 mins - Do not ask me how it is that Shinoda still has hands, let alone skin on those hands, left. I don't know.
  • 69 mins - The look she just gave him means **Splooter!**
  • 75 mins - Did the flying saucer just hit a cat?

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

Green Music Note godzilla2k1.wav Yuki: "Are you sure he's going to come?"
Shinoda: "Hope so. Don't want to disappoint a big shot reporter like you."
Yuki: "I've really got to get some great pictures of him."
Green Music Note godzilla2k2.wav Katagiri: "This is Katagiri of Crisis Control. Godzilla is heading for Tokai as we speak. Shut down all your reactors immediately."
Technician: "Are you crazy? I don't have the authority."
Katagiri: "You do now, and as head of the Crisis Control agency, I'm giving you authorization. Now shut down those reactors!"
Green Music Note godzilla2k3.wav Miyasaka: "I'm convinced that this vessel comes from another galaxy."
Bureaucrat: "A visitor from outer space? My God, it's just too crazy to believe."
Miyasaka: "Right. Like Godzilla's normal."
Green Music Note godzilla2k4.wav Yuki: "But then, why? Why does he keep protecting us?"
Shinoda: "Maybe because...Godzilla is inside each one of us."
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 


 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipgodzilla2k1.mpg - 5.1m
The Japanese military is using every weapon at their disposal to stop Godzilla, even the flight demonstration team.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 2 [3]
Re: Godzilla 2000
Reply #17. Posted on February 28, 2009, 01:52:15 AM by anonymous
Much like any other foreign movies released to the united states, Godzilla 2000 has to be tampered with. Removing scenes and and switching things around, just like Jackie chan's hong kong films or Jet Li's hong kong films, they have to be cut and dubbed. And then the distributors when they release the movie on DVD don't add any bonus features like deleted scenes or the original soundtrack or voices to the film.
Re: Godzilla 2000
Reply #18. Posted on March 03, 2009, 02:44:39 PM by davezilla
Bad Andrew!!!

I love this movie.  It's so campy and it totally embraces the Gflicks of the 70s.  I love the new suit, I think it's a great design, one of my favs.

However you didn't use the best line in the entire movie

"This missle will go through Godzilla like crap through a goose!"

I howled with laughter in the theater at that.

And it was such a treat to see a real G flick in the theater again....
Re: Godzilla 2000
Reply #19. Posted on April 13, 2009, 03:08:53 PM by George
Okay,nice and slow.

In the year 2000,the Y2K crisis has pasted,however underwater sonar's all over the world have detected a large moving radioactive object,now what do you suppose it could be?.

Shinoda,head of the Godzilla Prodiction Network decides to to go in a rather small boat to find out.

Now remember in 1995 Godzilla finally died!,so we know it can't be him,or,well in 1998 something that looked vaguely like Godzilla did attack New York.

I wish we'd have a Godzilla vs. Biollantie sight,it started with Godzilla cells and a scientist who's daughter was dieing,he took her cells and G-cells and made a monster rose bush,there might have been some G-cells blown to the four winds,I think we're about to find out it could be true.

If that wasn't enough,a new underwater harbor's being made in Tokyo Bay,while digging the ocean bottom,the crew strikes some hard object.

It's here we meet Katagiri,he is Japan and Japan is Katagiri!. He orders the thing to be brought up and much to our surprise,it's another ufo!,wow big surprise.

To make along story short,the foolish people take it to a glass highrise then enter it,what they discover is a highly advanced state of technology,no life,I guess the aliens died,but they find some sort of container with liquid.

If anyone remembers Ultraman episode Evil Repeated,you know by now you should never take an unknown liquid to the lab and shoot artificial lightening at it.

Back to the Godzilla search,Shinoda and his girl Yuki do indeed discover the large object is yet another Godzilla,reborn by radioactive G-cells.

Oh boy,this is going to get ugly!,with a capital U!,Godzilla finally makes himself known to the world once again and as always heads for Japan,why always Japan?,we finally learn the answer in Godzilla All Monsters Attack,so you'll have to wait until that sight is up and running here to finally find out the real answer to that question,the only thing we need to know now he's back and headed for a nuclear power plant to get stronger before destroying Tokyo again!.

For hither to unknown reasons Shinoda Yuki,and Shinodas daughter Io seem to have compassion and understanding for Godzilla,even though he's about to visit death and destruction on Japan once again,well as long as it's Japan that's.

When Katagiri learns of this,he has a fit!,and orders everthing short of nuclear weapons to be used against Godzilla,the battle's awesome but the results are the same!.

Still Katagiri's not giving up,everyone fights Godzilla till no one's left!,and nuclear plants are ordered shut down!.

Back at the ufo liquid deal,stupid scientists subject the liquid to artificial lightening,and as if Godzilla headed there way wasn't bad enough,a Godzilla 98 clone comes up through the roof and starts to lumber down the streets of Tokyo!.

On a bright sun shinny day what else could happen,the ufo's espoused to the sun and some how gets reactivated!. Look Out!,breaking glass is flying everywhere!,and so's the ufo.

At this point people are losing there minds,because Godzilla shows up.

Everything and anything and anyone for that matter that's in the way is destroyed and killed!.

Wow,what a day,that's turning into night!,obviously Godzilla saw Godzilla 98,I did too,is it any wonder he's more angry than usual!,meantime on board the ship we see computers that seem to be relaying information about everything going on,to what alien race we don't know,but a lucky shot from Godzillas tail causes it to crash and it's blown to smithereens!.

Then G-98 tries to eat Godzilla,oh nothing like a yucky gooey 98 clone to try to make a quick snack out of you!.

Godzilla does something to cause 98 to spit him out then he finishes it off and again really lights up the night!.

Now after all's said and done,we'd finally think Godzilla would leave in peace like Gamera always does,well.

Katagiri's amazed at how close they all are to Godzilla,he gives Big G that smug look as if to no matter what you think Japan is mine,and I'm Japan!,Godzilla rises his fist and by by Katagiri!.

Yuki thanks Godzilla for saving them from this awful double threat,and ask Shindoa why Godzilla acts the way he does,Shinoda explains,"Because there's a little bit of Godzilla in all of us"?.

I'd rather have a little Gamera in me myself because after a nice complement like that Godzilla turns around and proceeds to barbecue the other side of Tokyo!,then storms off!.

We are then treated to a still shot of Godzilla battling  G-98 and the spaceship with weird ending music and the credits.
Re: Godzilla 2000
Reply #20. Posted on April 21, 2009, 01:14:35 PM by Thedeaththatistocome
You must be kidding. This is one of the most entertaining movies I ever went to see at the theater. There was me my buddy and a guy and girl couple in the other corner of the theater and that was IT. My buddy and I had the time of our lives doing an MST3K number on this flick.
It was belly splitting fun.
First off, the "godzilla" detector suv. I mean "come on folks" do you really need all of that to find a 300 foot radioactive lizard? How about a geiger counter and binoculars?
But it was funny. BounceGiggle
Re: Godzilla 2000
Reply #21. Posted on April 30, 2009, 07:19:05 PM by ZorakTheMusician
I, quite proudly, own this movie. Having watched it several times, it still provides great amusement for me. I especially like the scene where Orga tries to EAT Godzilla. I could see Orga's demise coming from 2 miles away, however. No one gets away with eating Godzilla.
Re: Godzilla 2000
Reply #22. Posted on November 10, 2011, 01:59:21 AM by CalrissianFoxxSteele
So after like 20 some odd movies they finally found out that Godzilla can quickly regenerate his own body very f*cking duh. You've used every device, every alien, monster, robot in your power to kill him, and it can't be done. You JUST NOW take a piece of his flesh that fell and see the fast regenerating cells form. Wow, Japan. Keep your inventions and primary interests in anime, porn, wrestling, and nintendo. cause everything else isn't really your hobby.
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