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HOWARD THE DUCK - 4 Slimes
Rated PG
Copyright 1986 Universal Pictures and Lucasfilm Ltd. (You read that right.)
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

Green Dot Howard T. Duck - From a planet far far away... ...um, sorry. His world is like ours, except ducks evolved into the sentient species.
Green Dot Beverly - Lea Thompson! Struggling rock singer with a heart of gold, and a soft spot for waterfowl.
Green Dot Phil Blumburtt - Tim Robbins! Wants to be a scientist, but is seriously lacking in the brain power to do so.
Green Dot Doctor Jenning - Jeffrey Jones! Researcher whose revolutionary "Laser Spectroscope" brought Howard to Earth. Ends up possessed by a Dark Overlord until the very end.
Green Dot Lieutenant Walker - Police officer who is tasked with capturing Howard.
Green Dot The Dark Overlord of the Universe - Some all powerful demon he was, lost the jousting match to a duck riding a golf cart. (Okay, it's not a golf cart - and the Overlord looks cool.)

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Few things are more imposing than a midget in a duck suit, Lea Thompson with big hair is one of them. Don't get me wrong, pretty girl, she just doesn't look right with Van Halen's hair. Enough about that, we've got a great ducking movie to review! (You saw it coming.) Howard is living happily on his planet when a strange phenomenon sucks him through space, landing the poor waterfowl in Cleveland. Taken in by the talented, but mismanaged rock singer Beverly he begins setting things right. First he gets her out of a dead end record contract, then the drake begins searching for a way home. Constantly forced to defend himself from the evolved apes occupying Ohio's premiere city, Howard resorts to "Quack-Fu" or biting sarcasm. Personally, if a three foot duck offers me a banana, I'm punting the quacker. (There's another one! On a roll today.) Through Beverly he meets Phil, who after insulting everyone's intelligence by trying to communicate with our feathered hero by quacking at him actually discovers how the duck came to Earth. A research team led by Doctor Jenning was using a new spectroscope and it created a passageway between worlds! Bad news for mankind though, a second experiment has teleported in one of the Dark Overlords of the Universe. (No, not the people who run NBC.) Using a golf cart packing more firepower than most tanks Howard blasts the stop motion baddie into oblivion. The number of visual duck puns is astounding, Howard reads "Playduck" and carries a "Mallardcard" in his wallet. In addition we have the possessed Dr. Jenning, who feeds on electricity, plugging his tongue into a truck cigarette lighter and generally being a public nuisance. Jenning cracked me up during his possessed phase, one minute he's exclaiming in a dark voice, "This will mean the extinction of all existing life forms." and the next he's sad because the waitress took his ham and eggs. Seeing Lea Thompson, in her bedclothes, getting amorous with Howard was a twist too. (He's hung like an Ostrich!) Most people either hate this film, or love it. The movie is ridiculous, it's eighties, and it's a special effects bonanza - I'm with the latter crowd.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

Green Dot Ducks can get jock itch too.
Green Dot Falling stars are actually bipedal waterfowl entering the atmosphere.
Green Dot Motorcycle women are not attractive.
Green Dot Ducks are really good at playing "Mercy."
Green Dot Nobody locks their doors in downtown Cleveland.
Green Dot Those suffering from demonic possession should not drive or operate heavy machinery.
Green Dot Howard will not eat eggs, green or whatever.
Green Dot Dark Overlords all went to trucker school.
Green Dot Standing in the middle of a nuclear reactor will not burn your clothes off.
Green Dot Experimental Neutron Cannons are securely protected by a padlock.

Stuff To Watch For: 

Green Dot 3 mins - What is with all the duck stuff? (At this point I slap my head and hope nobody heard me.)
Green Dot 5 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS FEATHERED BREAST SHOT! (Yes, duck boobs count.)
Green Dot 7 mins - Punk rockers, the eighties version of a violent sub culture. Kinda like mail carriers today.
Green Dot 20 mins - No way that duck had a condom in his wallet...
Green Dot 30 mins - Howard can't swim?
Green Dot 42 mins - Lea Thompson in her underwear, I love this movie!
Green Dot 64 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST CONDIMENTS!
Green Dot 79 mins - Crazed duck flying an ultralight, look out hunters!
Green Dot 97 mins - Who woke that thing up on the wrong side of creation?
Green Dot Ending Credits - Hey, they put the special effects guy's credits BEFORE the actors, no selfless promotion of ILM there Mr. Lucas...

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileSizeDialog
Green Music Note howardduck1.wav 43k Howard: "That's it, no more Mr. Nice Duck."
Green Music Note howardduck2.wav 94k Beverly: "You got some place to go?"
Howard: "Hey, if I had some place to go I certainly wouldn't be in Cleve-Land."
Green Music Note howardduck3.wav 90k Phil: (Talking like a duck.)
Howard: "Undoubtedly one of Earth's greatest minds here."
Green Music Note howardduck4.wav 114k Jenning: "I told you birdbrain, I am not Jenning anymore. I am now one of the Dark Overlords of the Universe."
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Cliphowardduck1.mpg - 2.9m
This thing could really use a valium.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: [1] 2 3 ... 10
Howard the Duck
Reply #1. Posted on June 10, 1999, 02:00:51 PM by greyajah@juno.com
Now this is the kind of bad movie i love, Big budget bomds!. Man was this bad!. This should prove to Star Wars fans that not everything lucas touches turns to gold.
Howard the Duck
Reply #2. Posted on June 18, 1999, 02:39:30 PM by starmonster@netscape.net
Do ya think MST3K knows about this flik? With a midget in a feathered suit an Laya Thompson looking like a punk-smurf, THIS movie defines kink! It was bad. It was tacky. On the whole it SUCKED! Which is why I have to say... I REALLY LOVE THIS MOVIE!!! I've had dreams about Lea T. since th' first Back To The Future. This movie is so bent it just confirmed my lust, correction, love for her... Wuz that politically correct or what?! Just proves what you can REALLY do with great effects an' a duck suit that would make Jim Henson roll over in his grave.
Howard the Duck
Reply #3. Posted on September 01, 1999, 02:34:07 PM by Warren H.
I LOVE this movie!  It has everything you could want: ducks, chicks, lasers, monsters, and Jeffrey Jones.  It even has a Cabover Peterbilt hauling arse.
Howard the Duck
Reply #4. Posted on October 21, 1999, 11:38:54 AM by Paul Westbrook
I saw this movie in the summer of 1986. 3 times to be exact. I did not see it for the plot.[As if there was one to begin with] I saw it to look at Lea Thompson. She was the best thing about the whole film. Lea woud probably want to forget she was ever in this movie, but I count it as the movie that introduced me to the Lovely Lea.
Howard the Duck
Reply #5. Posted on December 02, 1999, 06:10:47 AM by marknalexander@hotmail.com
This is undoubtedly the greatest film EVER!!! The plot, the special effects, the script, the jokes....I could go on forever. If only I could have a pet Howard for myself. If I ever find anybody who doesn't like this film, I will slap their dad!
Howard the Duck
Reply #6. Posted on February 03, 2000, 10:32:37 AM by robertblanks@hotmail.com
Howard the Duck is one of gods gifts to the film industry.  It is a masterpiece of modern (?!) cinematography and Lea Thompson is a mega babe.  The acting is great, well maybe not, but I like to think it's great.  Worthy of an oscar for bad guy dialogue.  Ciao.
Howard the Duck
Reply #7. Posted on April 19, 2000, 07:08:34 PM by STPezatcha
This movie reminds me too much of my bad youth.  I think its pretty sad that a movie about a duck represents most of my youth...I need to start watching better movies
Howard the Duck
Reply #8. Posted on April 21, 2000, 03:47:35 PM by Iain Anglin
Howard the Duck is a classic ''bad movie," that is why I think it is a really good movie. I used to rent this movie eveyday growing up, well also Ghostbusters too.  This movie has great special effects for back in 1986, Jeffery Jones was creepy and hilarious as the scientist who gets possessed by the Dark Overlord, and Lea Thompson in her underwear, oh yeah!!!.  To sum it all up, Howard the Duck is a great film that everyone has to see at least once.  WHY DID GEORGE LUCAS DISOWN THIS FILM, STAR WARS: EPISODE 1 wasn't all that great either.
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