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HOWLING II - 2 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1984 Cinema '84 (Very original...)
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Ben - Brother of the deceased newscaster Karen White, (I'm hoping you've seen the first Howling.) he's the heroic hero type. You know, the kind of guy who will let out a manly yell while shooting someone in the back.
  • Jenny - Another reporter and Ben's girlfriend. Her job is either screaming ("Lookout Ben, behind you!") or helping Stefan convince her boyfriend this is all real.
  • Stefan - Christopher Lee! Seems that he's a 10,000 year old werewolf hunter who used to boink his sister. Transforms into a human tiki torch.
  • Vasile - Dwarf werewolf hunter, probably the best knife thrower I've ever seen. (Cough.) His eyes explode after hearing Stirba's demonic chant.
  • Tondo - Another companion of Stefan who turns out to be evil.
  • Mariana - Reputed to be among the most violent and cunning of female werewolves, which is why Ben kills her with a knife.
  • Vlad - Stirba's mate and high priest, also taken out by Ben.
  • Stirba - Sybil Danning! Queen of the werewolves and Stefan's sister. Also a tiki torch.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

First off, are there any budding Siskel and Ebert types out there who think this is a good movie? Yes? Hang it up buddy; go apply at Burger King or Sears; you are not going to make it as a movie reviewer and seem to have limited intelligence.

While definitely not a good film, this has some redeeming qualities and certainly worth watching just for Ben. He is angry for starters. Any time you have some big blonde guy wearing denim with an attitude... he can get eight shots out of a .38 revolver. (Look at the size of the cylinder, it is not going to happen.)

Basically, the film takes up where its predecessor left off. Karen White was just killed as she turned into a werewolf on television. Now, Stefan wants to drive a titanium stake through her heart. You may ask, "Why not silver or wood?" Turns out that some werewolves are immune to silver and only titanium can kill them. That must have sucked for those medieval villagers.

Priest: "You must use a weapon of pure titanium to kill the beast."
Villagers: "What the heck is titanium?"

Mr. Happy News goes on to drop another bombshell: The world is infested with lycanthropes and when Stirba finally comes to her full power all hell will break loose. Ben takes some convincing, but finally all three journey to Transylvania and hook up with Stefan's little band of freedom fighters there. After locating the castle mankind's last hope is armed with titanium weapons, two pistols, a rifle, holy water, blessed earplugs, and holy oil for the final conflict. Do not discount the oil. Stefan uses it like a grenade against one werewolf, dropping it in the hole and running as all sorts of pyrotechnics burst out.

Bottom line is that someone took a decent premise (depraved werewolf queen presides over her cursed subjects) and managed to screw it up big time. Reusing the same footage flashed before us over and over is just one symptom.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Christopher Lee looks odd in new age sunglasses.
  • Tough women drive Volkswagen Rabbits.
  • If a silver bullet kills someone then they are a werewolf.
  • Some werewolves are only harmed by titanium... (Boy were those villagers out of luck.)
  • Hitchhikers = werewolf takeout food.
  • Villages are always having some sort of festival.
  • Finding the one woman of color in a Transylvanian town should not be difficult.
  • Werewolves can throw their voice while chanting demonic rites.
  • Never wear a bell on you head when some viscous dwarf is running amok with a flail.
  • Spontaneous Human Combustion is caused by incest.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 4 mins - Um, the "dead girl" is breathing.
  • 11 mins - Ouch! (Bottle to the head.)
  • 11 mins - Ouch! (Pipe to the head.)
  • 12 mins - Ouch! (Crate to the head.)
  • 19 mins - Ewww, now that you put it that way.
  • 20 mins - Left your lights on... ...hey Ben, your lights are on... ...yo, MORON! Lights!
  • 24 mins - Next on Fox: When Wookies Attack.
  • 42 mins - Ben is wearing jeans and she has shorts on, but they are having sex.
  • 62 mins - Did you get those holy amulets at a garage sale or something?
  • 65 mins - Werewolf orgy!
  • 84 mins - How many times can we watch Stirba rip off her clothes during the ending credits remix?
    Let us see: 17 ...that would be seventeen.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

Green Music Note howlingii1.wav Jenny: "What do you know about the death of Karen White?"
Stefan: "I know that she is a werewolf."
Green Music Note howlingii2.wav Ben: "Jenny, what'd he say?"
Jenny: "He said your sister is a werewolf."
Ben: "Ah bullshit."
Green Music Note howlingii3.wav Stefan: "Even now there are great numbers of werewolves living secretly among us!"
Green Music Note howlingii4.wav Stirba: "Stefan, you never could resist me."
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 


 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Cliphowlingii1.mpg - 1.9m
Next on Fox: When Wookies Attack.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: [1] 2 3 ... 5
Howling II
Reply #1. Posted on November 01, 1999, 03:57:04 PM by
I can't recommend this movie enough.  My friends and I laughed hysterically the entire time.  I can't even begin to describe how terrible it is.  Where to begin?  The atrocious acting, nonsensical plot, the wonderfully cheesy New Wave '80s thing it has going on, the editor who has a burning desire to use every possible wipe or transition no matter how inappropriate,etc.  There's more (like wolf orgies), but you just have to see it to fully comprehend it's awfulness.
Howling II
Reply #2. Posted on November 02, 1999, 12:42:57 PM by Warren H.
I just realized . . . Ben is the same big blond guy from Space Mutiny!  He was also on an episode of Miami Vice.  Good gosh, how could such a bum get even that many roles?  Guess it was the 80s.
Howling II
Reply #3. Posted on November 07, 1999, 09:13:33 PM by Bill Z. Bub
I happened to recall that Fangoria Magazine held a "Worst Horror Movie Of All Time Contest" that same year... And Howling 2 won first place by 4 TIMES the votes of the contender...  and What the hell is with that band in the club?  Who are they?  Werewovles?  Vampires?  Ravers?  Worse?  The world may never know...
Howling II
Reply #4. Posted on January 20, 2000, 05:50:46 PM by Gloomjunki
Oh my God.  We just rented this disaster of a movie.  Sad to see Christopher Lee's name associated with it.  Did a couple of drunken mental patients write the script?  It made about as much sense as a Japanese infomercial played backwards.  We just about died laughing at some spots.  The freaky werewolf three-way was about the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen filmed.  Wow, did this one hurt....
Howling II
Reply #5. Posted on April 05, 2000, 12:42:45 AM by Omega Man
One of the worst sequels ever!!! Right up there with "Return of the Living Dead 2". Words can't describe how s**tty this movie is. A couple of drunken five year olds on acid could make a better movie. The only reason to sit through this turd is to see Miss Danning flashing her tits every few minutes! The acting and the special makeup effects are pure s**t! In spite of it all, Christopher Lee gives a decent performance. Too bad they never released a soundtrack for this one. "The Cramps" wannabes in the movie were totally awesome! The other sequels in this s**tbox series were even worse. I have a good idea for a Howling 8 or is it 9?(who's counting?,who cares?) It will be about this all boy band of werewolves that need teenage virgins every full moon. It'll be a throwback to the T&A flicks of the 80's. Sounds good?
Howling II
Reply #6. Posted on May 17, 2000, 10:24:18 AM by Thundercracker
Why does everyone hate this movie?  I found it to be quite enjoyable. For some movies, the cheesiness just adds to the flick.  This is one of those cases.  For those of you that think this movie is bad, check out Howling 5-7.  You want s**tty sequels, there you go.  They suck.  Leave poor Howling 2 alone.  Hey, someone had to have some sympathy for it, right?
Howling II
Reply #7. Posted on April 24, 2000, 03:16:40 PM by Lupe
Well, I have to give them credit; in between puking and instant diarrhea that this movie evokes, you'll hava coronary from laughing !
It is my no.1 worst movie ever and Christopher Lee must cringe at the thought of his participation. This movie has that internationally co-produced loser-air emanating between the pixels of your tv-screen, it's somekind of Australian/Polish co-production.
There are some things -like this movie- so unconsumable to the human psyche that laughing about it must be the only way of dealing with it.
Howling II
Reply #8. Posted on August 17, 2000, 08:58:19 AM by Brian Lindsey
Yeah, it's not very good... But even a rotten film with Christopher Lee - the last Living Legend of Horror Cinema - in it is worth at least one viewing. And the New Wave '80s theme song brought back fond memories of hopping about in a drug-induced frenzy (wearing a very skinny tie & even skinnier shades) at the Antenna Club in Memphis.
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