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HOWLING II - 2 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1984 Cinema '84 (Very original...)
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Ben - Brother of the deceased newscaster Karen White, (I'm hoping you've seen the first Howling.) he's the heroic hero type. You know, the kind of guy who will let out a manly yell while shooting someone in the back.
  • Jenny - Another reporter and Ben's girlfriend. Her job is either screaming ("Lookout Ben, behind you!") or helping Stefan convince her boyfriend this is all real.
  • Stefan - Christopher Lee! Seems that he's a 10,000 year old werewolf hunter who used to boink his sister. Transforms into a human tiki torch.
  • Vasile - Dwarf werewolf hunter, probably the best knife thrower I've ever seen. (Cough.) His eyes explode after hearing Stirba's demonic chant.
  • Tondo - Another companion of Stefan who turns out to be evil.
  • Mariana - Reputed to be among the most violent and cunning of female werewolves, which is why Ben kills her with a knife.
  • Vlad - Stirba's mate and high priest, also taken out by Ben.
  • Stirba - Sybil Danning! Queen of the werewolves and Stefan's sister. Also a tiki torch.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

First off, are there any budding Siskel and Ebert types out there who think this is a good movie? Yes? Hang it up buddy; go apply at Burger King or Sears; you are not going to make it as a movie reviewer and seem to have limited intelligence.

While definitely not a good film, this has some redeeming qualities and certainly worth watching just for Ben. He is angry for starters. Any time you have some big blonde guy wearing denim with an attitude... ...plus he can get eight shots out of a .38 revolver. (Look at the size of the cylinder, it is not going to happen.)

Basically, the film takes up where its predecessor left off. Karen White was just killed as she turned into a werewolf on television. Now, Stefan wants to drive a titanium stake through her heart. You may ask, "Why not silver or wood?" Turns out that some werewolves are immune to silver and only titanium can kill them. That must have sucked for those medieval villagers.

Priest: "You must use a weapon of pure titanium to kill the beast."
Villagers: "What the heck is titanium?"

Mr. Happy News goes on to drop another bombshell: The world is infested with lycanthropes and when Stirba finally comes to her full power all hell will break loose. Ben takes some convincing, but finally all three journey to Transylvania and hook up with Stefan's little band of freedom fighters there. After locating the castle mankind's last hope is armed with titanium weapons, two pistols, a rifle, holy water, blessed earplugs, and holy oil for the final conflict. Do not discount the oil. Stefan uses it like a grenade against one werewolf, dropping it in the hole and running as all sorts of pyrotechnics burst out.

Bottom line is that someone took a decent premise (depraved werewolf queen presides over her cursed subjects) and managed to screw it up big time. Reusing the same footage flashed before us over and over is just one symptom.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Christopher Lee looks odd in new age sunglasses.
  • Tough women drive Volkswagen Rabbits.
  • If a silver bullet kills someone then they are a werewolf.
  • Some werewolves are only harmed by titanium... (Boy were those villagers out of luck.)
  • Hitchhikers = werewolf takeout food.
  • Villages are always having some sort of festival.
  • Finding the one woman of color in a Transylvanian town should not be difficult.
  • Werewolves can throw their voice while chanting demonic rites.
  • Never wear a bell on you head when some viscous dwarf is running amok with a flail.
  • Spontaneous Human Combustion is caused by incest.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 4 mins - Um, the "dead girl" is breathing.
  • 11 mins - Ouch! (Bottle to the head.)
  • 11 mins - Ouch! (Pipe to the head.)
  • 12 mins - Ouch! (Crate to the head.)
  • 19 mins - Ewww, now that you put it that way.
  • 20 mins - Left your lights on... ...hey Ben, your lights are on... ...yo, MORON! Lights!
  • 24 mins - Next on Fox: When Wookies Attack.
  • 34 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
  • 42 mins - Ben is wearing jeans and she has shorts on, but they are having sex.
  • 62 mins - Did you get those holy amulets at a garage sale or something?
  • 65 mins - Werewolf orgy!
  • 84 mins - How many times can we watch Stirba rip off her clothes during the ending credits remix?
    Let us see: 17 ...that would be seventeen.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note howlingii1.wav Jenny: "What do you know about the death of Karen White?"
Stefan: "I know that she is a werewolf."
Green Music Note howlingii2.wav Ben: "Jenny, what'd he say?"
Jenny: "He said your sister is a werewolf."
Ben: "Ah bullshit."
Green Music Note howlingii3.wav Stefan: "Even now there are great numbers of werewolves living secretly among us!"
Green Music Note howlingii4.wav Stirba: "Stefan, you never could resist me."
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Cliphowlingii1.mpg - 1.9m
Next on Fox: When Wookies Attack.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 2 3 [4] 5
Howling II
Reply #25. Posted on August 20, 2005, 01:16:10 PM by Zach
I must be in the minority here.  The ending song reminded me of so many faceless douchebag bands from the eighties that thought they were soooooooo cutting edge back then.  I did enjoy the loop of Sybil ripping off her top, exposing the two best supporting actors in this film.  Those are amazing breasts considering this was filmed before implants gained wide notoriety.
Howling II
Reply #26. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Corey
Strange movie. I watched it twice and still don't get the plot. The werewolves themselves were good though. I give this movie a B, like what it's catagorized as. (Unlike SOME movies COUGH*Mosquitos*COUGH)
Howling II
Reply #27. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Adrielle
I personally loved Howling 2. The sex and tits were deffinatly a plus, but I just loved it in general. Granted, some of the acting was aweful...but loved it non-the-less...I'm looking for that song that Stephen Parsons did, yeah that cheezy 80's punk song...if anyone has it...can you tell me?
Howling II
Reply #28. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by WitchKing
  Admittedly, the "Howling" series is uneven.  Only the first is a bonafide classic, but you have to admit that compared to many of the other 80's horror franchises, these movies are more imaginative and off-the-beaten-track.  I've read that "Howling 2" was abruptly removed from the director's hands in post-production and subjected to a disastrous re-edit.  Part 3 is exotic and very bizarre, Part 4 is the only total write-off, Part 5 has a cool setting (and a decent plot inspired by "The Beast Must Die"), Part 6 has surprisingly sympathetic characterization, and even Part 7 was tolerable.  Part 2 is interesting, if not terribly assured.  I do love the notion of the deathless Werewolf Queen ruling in debauched splendor from her Middle European castle.  Sybil Danning certainly looks the part in her studded fetish gear.  Chris Lee has never given a bad performance, although why they thought putting him in those wretched shades in the nightclub would make him look less conspicuous is beyond me.  The Babel song with the grunting hook is still cool and the lyric "Howling since the world began!" is darkly fascinating.  Marsha Hunt (from "Dracula A.D. 1972") is a fetching second banana to Sybil's lead she-wolf.  There are many nice little touches throughout.  The puppet show with the wolf marionette is unsettling, the shadow-shrouded werewolves baying through the forest are well-photographed, the death of the dwarf accomplice is tense, and the Werewolf Queen's cacophanous chanting left me a little chilled.  C'mon, a horror film with shapeshifting, incest, werewolf orgies, Satanism, and murderous eyeless dwarfs can't be completely dismissed.
Howling II
Reply #29. Posted on September 09, 2005, 12:49:21 PM by IT
One of the stoopidest movies I have ever seen.Unlike the classic original the werewolves look like apes and the transformation scenes are footage from the original movie.Buy the original HOWLING do not buy this GARBAGE you was warned.Once again when I was a teenager I talked some friends into seeing this mess and I was never allowed to pick the movies again.
Howling II
Reply #30. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by djhowls
Genius. pure adulterated genius.

Whilst Howling 2 is technically a bad movie If you factor in the entertainment value then Howling 2 is actually better than the deathly dull Citizen Cane

I know which one I would want to stranded on a desert island with.

Dissenters need to watch the movie again with fresh eyes, a litre of JD and some pompous donnie darko fans. You will not be dissappointed :)  
Re: Howling II
Reply #31. Posted on May 03, 2007, 07:24:34 AM by Snivelly
I caught this one on cable last night, and I was drawn in like bystanders at a messy car wreck.

The review failed to mention the special effects that would have looked cheesy even in a 1950's sci-fi b-movie!  And what the hell was the thing on Stirba's staff anyway?  The friend I watched it with and I called it the "werebatwolf" for lack of a better name.  And I had no idea that werewolves were into bondage, nor that they always gyrate like pole dancers when they howl.

If you watch this one, be sure to watch for the folk dancing scene.....obviously the choreographer for this one is used to writing dance routines for fat drunk white guys. 
Re: Howling II
Reply #32. Posted on May 03, 2007, 10:46:32 PM by Zapranoth
The only part of this movie I remember is the end credits, with Danning repeatedly ripping her shirt off to the cheesy end credits song.

"Howl!"   *rip*    "Howl!"  *rip* *rip*  "Howl!"

When I was 16, it was just about ideal.  =)
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