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I LOVE MARIA - 2 Slimes
Not Rated
Copyright 1988 Film Workshop Inc.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Curly - Inventor and member of the special forces police unit. If we're comparing him to the Three Stooges he actually looks more like Larry. He eats pig brains, just thought I'd throw that in there.
  • Whisky - Alcoholic member of the Hero Gang. Once he and Maria were an item, she seems to have gotten over it, he has not.
  • T.Q. Zhuang - Inept reporter, manages to be right in the middle of the action, but then fumbles his camera until it is over.
  • Maria - Heartless bitch and quick on the trigger. Did she really need to shoot the guy in the back of the head after the other gang members shot him full of holes? Pulls a lemming after her brother dies.
  • The Master - Original leader of the Hero Gang, his honorable nature makes him betray the organization to stop their horrible crimes. He also has a neato flying motorcycle with bombs and machine guns.
  • Brother - Maria's to be exact. Leader of the Hero Gang, if that position was not unsavory enough he seems to be doing his sister as well. The Master administers a good beating to the ruffian, then incest boy falls several stories.
  • Pioneer 1 - Bulky and powerful robot built by the Hero Gang, they saved money by using some off the shelf parts - including a slide machine carousel. (hehehehe!)
  • Pioneer 2 (Maria Robot) - The real star here and it is easy to see why. Built to satisfy some nasty little whim of Brother's the robot is reprogrammed by Curly. For some reason a huge missile can pop out of her arm which exceeds the diameter of the limb in question, not even taking hydraulics and such into account.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Hong Kong cinema seems obsessed with robots and technology, all too often this results in me watching something very confusing and boring, but here is a welcome change. (thank Daikoku for that)

Gangs are employing powerful robots to defy law enforcement and three unrelated fellows are down on their respective luck when destiny gets an artificial hand. Chance meetings bring them together, not always on the best of terms, but every time they treat each other as human beings. Remarkable when you consider that the Hero Gang wants to kill Whisky for befriending a cop, Curly is nearly imprisoned by the police after they learn his involvement with a gang member, and Zhuang gets fired for not delivering the big story.

Pioneer 2 crashes into a water tower while trying to kill Whisky so Curly takes it upon himself to reprogram her. A combination of hastily written code and several traumatic injuries to her circuits start molding a true personality where there once was none. For all purposes it's the old "learning to be human" plot, but not overdone and it has some funny quirks. Maria the robot making Zhuang drink gasoline on two occasions jumps to mind, though her touching song number (delivered with a straight face and using a wrench as a mic) is not to be missed.

Now that the good guys have some firepower they assault the Hero Gang's complex to destroy Pioneer 1 and save the Master. Lots of shooting and people running around as the robots duke it out and overall great fun, even watching Curly and Whisky discussing how to kill and eat a dog.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Never volunteer to help test experimental weapons.
  • Bartenders like to play a sadistic version of the shell game with drunks, this involves whiskey and dishwater.
  • Never try to physically abuse the robotic replica of your ex girlfriend.
  • It is difficult to run across a corrugated tin roof and be stealthy.
  • Robots should be equipped with grounding plugs.
  • Static from a home stereo will jam any remote controlled objects within hearing.
  • Crashing into a portable toilet is bad.
  • Do not annoy the guy who has a gatling cannon.
  • Sometimes falling through high voltage power lines is a good thing.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 5 mins - Suddenly we are watching a stationary truck explode, though the robot fired it's rockets at a moving vehicle.
  • 10 mins - That "experimental cannon" sure looks like an M-60 medium machine gun.
  • 14 mins-RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A JUKE BOX AND WHISKEY!
  • 29 mins - You would think they would program a robot not to fly into water tanks.
  • 34 mins - Who designed this car anyway?
  • 37 mins - Watching these two discuss killing and eating a dog is pretty wrong. Drown it? Strangle it? Eat the brains?
  • 43 mins - Hey, that's my printer cable!
  • 47 mins - How exactly are they still swinging on those things?
  • 69 mins - Zhuang is having a really bad week.
  • 75 mins - Why does she have a coiled air hose hooked up to her head?
  • 89 mins - I guess you called that one wrong...

Quotes: 

  • Curly: "So many of you against one man."
    Punk: "We are bullying you, so what?"
  • Curly: "There's no way you can trust her, her missile is gigantic!"
  • Curly: "I don't eat pork."
    Whisky: "It's a dog."
    Curly: "I don't eat dog that looks like a pig."
  • Zhuang: "You look disgusting when you laugh."
  • Brother: "I use machines to eliminate garbage."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipilovemaria1.mpg - 1.7m
Maria (Pioneer 2) kicking butt.

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Internet Movie Database


Comments:Write CommentPages: [1]
I Love Maria
Reply #1. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by fenris@badmovies.org
Kyunghun Jung was kind enough to point out a few errors I made, the worst of which was substituting "Japanese" for "Hong Kong" in the review.  That's already fixed.



He also said it appears the subtitles are misleading toward the relationship between Maria and Brother.  They are actually not related and instead are students of the Master.



Some final facts he provided:

Maria is Sally Yeh (the Killer, with Chow Yun-Fat)

Whisky is played by Tsui Hark.  He has been involved in a number of excellent films, <A HREF="http://us.imdb.com/Name?Tsui,+Hark">just look at his IMDB profile.</A>


Oh, to have a proofreader with such skills!
I Love Maria
Reply #2. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by craterz
I really wish there were more movies this fun out there.  I recently got a copy and have been most pleased with the purchase.  It's amazing how much they could pull off without the big expensive computer effects in Hollywood movies nowadays.  The characters are alot of fun, especially when they interact with each other.  Great running gags.  And Maria is on heck of a babe.
I Love Maria
Reply #3. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Colin G. Davis
I'm glad to see others enjoyed this film too. Oriental humour is often pretty clumsy and an acquired taste, but this picture  I did find funny. The will-they-won't-they scene with the dog was great, because in a Hong Kong movie, where ANYTHING can happen, it seemed they really might eat the pooch.
Each time I watch a Hong Kong movie with an actress I hadn't seen before (in this instance Sally Yeh), I think, Wow, where do they keep finding them? Not only are they great looking, they usually have talent and personality.
Re: I Love Maria
Reply #4. Posted on June 20, 2012, 03:12:27 PM by JBFletcher
I have not had the pleasure of viewing this flick, but find the similarities between the posted pics and Maria from Fritz Lang's Metropolis amusing. Ouch.
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