JACKER II: DESCENT TO HELL
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| Not Rated
| | Copyright 1996 Herman, Stanski, Gaines
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 10 June 2001
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- James - After recovering from wounds suffered in the original "Jacker" he leaves the hospital and is framed for the deaths of three policemen. I've been trying to figure out where the third murder charge came from, but it's a pretty hopeless task.
- Ken, Len, and Ben Crotch - Three brothers (all played by the same person) who are police officers. Len is portrayed by the actor wearing a hideous curly wig; it looks like Annie's hair, but dyed black. All are killed.
- Jackson - Earnest detective shot by Len Crotch during a small misunderstanding.
- Gina - She is supposed to be a private detective, but the only thing that kept running through my mind was "thirty-seven?"
- Kate - The Jacker's dead girlfriend. Tries to haunt him for a little while before giving up and going to stay with her mother.
- Mike Rivers - Here is our carjacker. He is ruthless, brutal, and displays superhuman powers of regeneration. Amazingly good at framing people for his crimes too; which is troubling since he sometimes uses the 911 system from his home phone (think about it) and makes a number of judgment errors.
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I tried everything to avoid watching this tape the second time and I do mean everything. I mowed the lawn, cleaned up the garage, rearranged my office, and even patched knotholes in my cedar siding. Didn't do a lick of good, the cursed thing was still sitting there when the chores were finished. Arrgggghhhh! I think the descriptive title was a personal message to me.
The plot begins as scenes rehashing the first "Jacker" movie play, finally ending with Jackson tossing Mike off of a bridge. He (actually a stunt dummy) falls a long way to the ground, but next we are treated to a number of halt and fades as the wounded jacker stumbles back to his car. You had better get used to the film image suddenly freezing and the next edit fading in on top. Sounds annoying? It is and it happens over and over and over. THE PAIN!
Mike slumps in his seat, burbling and complaining about serious injuries as two other carjackers approach. Owning a vehicle is extremely dangerous in New York; the main antagonist manages to encounter other people in his profession twice. Look what we have: carjackers jacking from carjackers! Anyway, these two crooks are not professionals at all; they don't even have their own pistols to use during the crime. Instead one of them reaches into Mike's car and grabs a handgun from under the seat, then brandishes it menacingly. Relying on the victim to have a weapon in the car, does anybody else see the problem here? Mike forgets his serious injuries (this is the same guy who was just complaining to himself about a punctured lung) and kills the two amateurs with a folding pocketknife.
Missed complaining about something in the previous scene. The camera lens is filthy and will remain so during the movie. At times this will not matter, then a sunny outdoor scene will really make the spots stand out. Why didn't they clean the lens? Nothing fancy, just a little bit of water and some tissue would have gone a long way.
The plot develops like some horrible form of cancer and the industrious criminal tricks Len into killing both Jackson and Ben. The latter was just standing in the wrong place when the other two wrestled for a handgun. Sitting in front of my television set, I felt more kinship with Ben than any other character in this film. Killing two fellow officers is bad juju and Len ends up standing tall in the Police Chief's basement, er office, trying to explain how both bodies managed to disappear and later be found in a dumpster. He is unable to do so, probably distracted by the fact that the Chief's office is indeed a basement. We can see milk crates, piles of stuff, a bench grinder, and even a fuse box. MY BRAIN IS MELTING!
A jacker's work is never done, so Mike spends the middle of the film doing various bad things. He managed to skin Jackson (somehow that was not mentioned earlier) and picks up James from the hospital disguised as the dead man. Funny how well that worked, almost as if the actor playing Jackson had really been in the car... ...ahm. During another scene, that caused me no little grief, Mike bursts in on a man and woman getting busy. The male victim left his hotel key in the outside door of their second story room. Also, upon entering through the door, you must look right to see the bed. The film warps time and space so that the killer throws open a door on the ground floor (with a set of ascending concrete steps to his left) and stands in the doorway looking directly forward at the bed. STOP IT! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NOOOO!
Despite the same Pontiac sedan being reused along with four (count 'em, four) phones, the film had tried for some semblance of coherency up until now. That becomes a moot point when James starts hallucinating about a horny blonde, a new apartment, and Hell. What does the opposite of Heaven look like? People wearing Halloween masks being filmed at all the wrong angles. At least put something around their neck so we can't see the mask's edge and that all too familiar chin.
By this point I was little more than a lolling mass on the couch; something scientists would classify as life, while carefully omitting the "sentient" adjective. Clear fluids leaked from my nose and ears as Mike Rivers survived another hail of bullets to say "Gotcha!" at the end. |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- The best treatment for broken ribs is a hot bath.
- If your cordless phone's page function goes off it means you have a call.
- In New York women carry billfolds.
- Never let a man, who you just met, put handcuffs on you.
- There is one fewer legless Vietnam veteran than census figures indicated.
- Breasts are a memory enhancer.
- There is no honor among carjackers.
- One of the entrances to Hell is located in New York. (Well, duh.)
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- 6 mins - He stabbed one person to death and killed another by throwing the knife, but the blade was not locked?
- 13 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A PHONE!
- 17 mins - There are a few ways to make your punches look real on camera. This isn't one of them.
- 24 mins - And this is a sorry excuse for a police station. What's your point?
- 27 mins - So... ...he actually did steal her car? How does this fit? Help?
- 30 mins - The bottle of beer is empty! Couldn't somebody have gone to the corner store and purchased a new forty of beer for this scene?
- 31 mins - I have a headache.
- 35 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 53 mins - Stupid onlooker. Hey idiot, you're in the scene!
- 55 mins - There is that same plastic gun. I thought the Police Chief took it away from him?
- 73 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | jackerii1.wav
| Len: "He's pure evil. He's a heartless son of a b**ch and I think that he's responsible for Detective Jackson's and Ben's death."
| | jackerii2.wav
| Mike: "James, you like what I did to Jackson? Pretty creative huh? Well, it's nothing compared to what I'm gonna do to you. I'm gonna tear your heart and your soul right out of you!"
| | jackerii3.wav
| Police Chief: "The case is closed. Jackson was the carjacker. He raped and killed his own sister."
James: "No, no, that's a lie! It was that guy, Mike Rivers!"
| | jackerii4.wav
| James: "Officer Ben, aren't you dead?"
Ben's Ghost: "James, it's all part of the plan to capture the jacker."
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| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | jackerii1.mpg
- 2.2m
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| Mike was going to steal this car, but another jacker had already laid claim to the automobile. Notice the fact that he is shot six times in the gut. There are a lot of organs you need in that area, aren't there? Now I should point out that he will be running around, good as new, in a little while.
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