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JACK FROST - 3 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1996 Frost Bite Films Ltd.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Sam - Town Sheriff who brought Jack Frost in the first time.
  • Ryan - Sam's darn kid, he cooks way to often for a boy.
  • Anne - Sam's wife. Anything else about her? Anyone?
  • Agent Manners - FBI with the normal smug personality. I'd like to see him and Moulder argue about killer snowmen for an hour. Dies of "frostbite."
  • Stone - Scientist who created the genetic acid which bonded Jack Frost to the snow. Ends up filled with snow.
  • Jill and Tommy - Shannon Elizabeth and um, some guy! Two young lovers, and she really needed to get naked. I could sleep at night if she had gotten naked. Anyway, he gets an icicle through the head and she dies from a case of horizontal hypothermia mambo.
  • Paul - Old guy who owns the town general store.
  • Jake, Sally, and Billy - The rest of Jill's family. Billy's head is removed by a sled, Jake has an axe jammed down his throat, and Sally is strangled with Christmas lights.
  • Chris, Joe, and Marla - The rest of the police force. Jack Frost runs over Chris with his own cruiser.
  • Jack Frost - Killer who is accidently melted down with a genetic acid. He becomes a deadly snowman! Dissolved in antifreeze.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

A killer snowman, (I'll let that sink in for a few moments.) created when a serial killer is melted by genetic acid, which combines with snow of course. This is because murderers have only one valence electron (like Hydrogen) and will covalently bond with Oxygen atoms. Okay, so it doesn't work, you explain the damn thing. Jack is pretty annoyed with Sam for capturing him in the first place, getting melted probably didn't help things, so he begins killing off the rednecks, um, townspeople. Scary thing is we are constantly bombarded with AWFUL puns. Hurray for the film's creators, they never attempt to be serious - smart move when you're dealing with killer snowman movies. Poor Sam makes every attempt to stop the murderous snow cone, high powered bullets, blowing up the police station, even using hairdryers. Nothing works, the villian can melt and freeze at will! Finally Ryan's oatmeal proves effective, it's secret ingredient is Antifreeze! I never said Ryan was a very good cook... One of my favorite parts is when Jack strangles Sally with the Christmas lights and smashes her face into a box of ornaments, though Jill undressing to sexy Christmas music worked nicely. All the absurdity you can ask for, Badmovies.org's must see for the Christmas season.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Never let your psychopathic brother tell Christmas stories to the kids.
  • Death row inmates are driven to the electric chair.
  • Snowmen need not be anatomically correct.
  • Memo pads should not be used for stuff like "somebody died."
  • Sleds are guillotines waiting to happen.
  • Backwoods people think Oprah is a philosopher.
  • Having your face crushed into a box full of Christmas ornaments sucks.
  • Getting clothes off to have sex, during the winter, can take a while.
  • Hair dryers are excellent weapons against snowmen.
  • Aerosol cans are more destructive than dynamite.
  • If you are a killer snowman - AVOID ANTIFREEZE AT ALL COSTS!
  • Dunking your kid in engine coolant is okay under certain circumstances.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 3 mins - Why are those two sitting so close together? Oh, to be in the same shot.
  • 7 mins - Ouch! Doused with genetic acid!
  • 13 mins - That looks like crap with marshmallows in it.
  • 35 mins - Axe handle crammed down the throat...
  • 37 mins - Obviously a doll having it's face stuffed into Christmas ornaments.
  • 45 mins - Manners, you are such a dickhead.
  • 52 mins - Jill undressing to a sexy version of The Twelve Days of Christmas.
  • 59 mins - It appears Jack Frost is humping Jill. Oh heck, where is his carrot nose?
  • 79 mins - You put antifreeze in the oatmeal? Are you out of your mind kid? Sam, beat your kid.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note jackfrost1.wav Uncle Henry telling his niece a Christmas story. (hehehehe!)
Green Music Note jackfrost2.wav Stone: "It can freeze and unfreeze at will! It melted, came through the doggie door, and refroze on the inside."
Green Music Note jackfrost3.wav Jack Frost: "Looks like Christmas came a little early this year. Well, hope it was good for you honey."
Green Music Note jackfrost4.wav Sam: "Hey Jack!"
Jack Frost: "What?"
Sam: "What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?"
Jack Frost: "I dunno."
Sam: "Snowballs."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipjackfrost1.mpg - 2.8m
They just finished blowing the police station to kingdom come, hoping to destroy the evil snow cone in the process of course. It looks like the blast mixed up Jack a little bit, I wonder how many snowmen like this are built near places "the short school bus" makes its stops.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: [1] 2 3 ... 7
Jack Frost
Reply #1. Posted on January 23, 1999, 02:20:34 AM by David Emery
A killer snowman...hehehe!
Jack Frost
Reply #2. Posted on February 03, 1999, 11:57:18 PM by Greg B
This movie totally demolishes the "feel-good" Jack Frost movie that just came out with Michael Keaton. I love the sassy cop, who has the best lines in the movie. Jack Frost, of course, has some gems of his own, like "I'm one p**sed off snow cone." To anyone who doesn't like this movie, I have three words: What......the.......f***!
Jack Frost
Reply #3. Posted on February 10, 1999, 08:56:29 PM by Warren H.
That snowman in this movie is one hell of a lot less scary than the one in the Michael Keaton Jack Frost.  Now that is a movie monster if I ever saw one.  And one other thing:  why wasn't the cop concerned that his son was trying to poison him with antifreeze?  I mean, it didn't disturb him one bit.
Jack Frost
Reply #4. Posted on March 13, 1999, 10:19:54 PM by Keith
I watched this a while back because of the catch phrase thing :"He chills, he kills" and the hologram thing on the cover.  I laughed my ass off.  My fave part was when the teenage boy is looking around for what made that weird noise and jack's white oven mitt/hand punches him.  The teenager goes "who the hell are you" or something to that effect, and jack goes "wel it aint f-ing frosty"  he doesn't actually say "f-ing", but im not gonna do that to the little ones out there.
Jack Frost
Reply #5. Posted on March 31, 1999, 02:50:35 PM by Mike Morrissey (dkscrambler@yahoo.com)
Possibly the greatest film ever created. I seriously doubt that the intention was to create a classic, nor should I waste my time with analyzing how it could have been better. I think the entire intention was to create a movie that would make the audience laugh. That's why I think analyzing how Marlon Brando and Dustin Hoffman could have made the movie better is a waste of time and effort. You can't beat the intense high quality animation of the acid reacting with him to create the monster that is Jack Frost. And what about when he's in the back of the truck, he couldn't possibly know the truck will crash and allow for his escape, yet he looks directly at the camera and exclaims "Oh ya!". Seriously, I don't think you can look at this movie any other way than by viewing it as a good source of laughter. -Mike, a non-film study major at CU
Jack Frost
Reply #6. Posted on April 11, 1999, 03:29:32 PM by NetFrog Alpha
Ahh, APIX Films strikes again. Still, this was funny enough to enjoy. The scene in the bathtub with the carrot will probably go down in history, but not a whole lot else from this movie makes it stand out. Watch it because you know it's stupid.
Jack Frost
Reply #7. Posted on May 23, 1999, 09:47:16 PM by jjhnson@hcis.net

Dude, you OBVIOUSLY did not give this movie the attention it deserves.  There is SO much more to be learned from this film then what you put down.  

For starters, backwoods teen couples REGULARLY choose to make out in their locals sheriff's house, even thought they're not related to him or anything.

Big sisters rarely feel any grief when their younger brother is brutally killed, In fact, they'll usually go out on a date and happily make out with their boyfriend the very same night.

You also forgot how easily it is to make several huge snowmen even though there's very little snow on the ground (not to mention how easy it is for roads to be blocked off cause of snow...)

Heck not to mention that anytime you tell an avergae hillbilly to "fill up the back of their truck with anti-freeze" they'll actually think you mean to POUR it into the back, rather than just stock up on a bunch of bottles.

You also should have learned that flying icicles can easily pierce right THROUGH someone's skull, (not to mention a house wall.)

Oh, and, all girls from redneck areas like to take baths in stranger's houses before they screw their boyfriends, you should have learned that as well.

In short, I'd advise you to pay more attention to the films you review, otherwise you'll miss even MORE valuable lessons...

:)

CultofTS
Jack Frost
Reply #8. Posted on June 27, 2002, 10:42:08 AM by Buh
To make viewing more pleasurable, try taking a shot for every snowman you see in the film :)
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