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JACK FROST - 3 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1996 Frost Bite Films Ltd.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Sam - Town Sheriff who brought Jack Frost in the first time.
  • Ryan - Sam's darn kid, he cooks way to often for a boy.
  • Anne - Sam's wife. Anything else about her? Anyone?
  • Agent Manners - FBI with the normal smug personality. I'd like to see him and Moulder argue about killer snowmen for an hour. Dies of "frostbite."
  • Stone - Scientist who created the genetic acid which bonded Jack Frost to the snow. Ends up filled with snow.
  • Jill and Tommy - Shannon Elizabeth and um, some guy! Two young lovers, and she really needed to get naked. I could sleep at night if she had gotten naked. Anyway, he gets an icicle through the head and she dies from a case of horizontal hypothermia mambo.
  • Paul - Old guy who owns the town general store.
  • Jake, Sally, and Billy - The rest of Jill's family. Billy's head is removed by a sled, Jake has an axe jammed down his throat, and Sally is strangled with Christmas lights.
  • Chris, Joe, and Marla - The rest of the police force. Jack Frost runs over Chris with his own cruiser.
  • Jack Frost - Killer who is accidently melted down with a genetic acid. He becomes a deadly snowman! Dissolved in antifreeze.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

A killer snowman, (I'll let that sink in for a few moments.) created when a serial killer is melted by genetic acid, which combines with snow of course. This is because murderers have only one valence electron (like Hydrogen) and will covalently bond with Oxygen atoms. Okay, so it doesn't work, you explain the damn thing. Jack is pretty annoyed with Sam for capturing him in the first place, getting melted probably didn't help things, so he begins killing off the rednecks, um, townspeople. Scary thing is we are constantly bombarded with AWFUL puns. Hurray for the film's creators, they never attempt to be serious - smart move when you're dealing with killer snowman movies. Poor Sam makes every attempt to stop the murderous snow cone, high powered bullets, blowing up the police station, even using hairdryers. Nothing works, the villian can melt and freeze at will! Finally Ryan's oatmeal proves effective, it's secret ingredient is Antifreeze! I never said Ryan was a very good cook... One of my favorite parts is when Jack strangles Sally with the Christmas lights and smashes her face into a box of ornaments, though Jill undressing to sexy Christmas music worked nicely. All the absurdity you can ask for, Badmovies.org's must see for the Christmas season.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Never let your psychopathic brother tell Christmas stories to the kids.
  • Death row inmates are driven to the electric chair.
  • Snowmen need not be anatomically correct.
  • Memo pads should not be used for stuff like "somebody died."
  • Sleds are guillotines waiting to happen.
  • Backwoods people think Oprah is a philosopher.
  • Having your face crushed into a box full of Christmas ornaments sucks.
  • Getting clothes off to have sex, during the winter, can take a while.
  • Hair dryers are excellent weapons against snowmen.
  • Aerosol cans are more destructive than dynamite.
  • If you are a killer snowman - AVOID ANTIFREEZE AT ALL COSTS!
  • Dunking your kid in engine coolant is okay under certain circumstances.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 3 mins - Why are those two sitting so close together? Oh, to be in the same shot.
  • 7 mins - Ouch! Doused with genetic acid!
  • 13 mins - That looks like crap with marshmallows in it.
  • 35 mins - Axe handle crammed down the throat...
  • 37 mins - Obviously a doll having it's face stuffed into Christmas ornaments.
  • 45 mins - Manners, you are such a dickhead.
  • 52 mins - Jill undressing to a sexy version of The Twelve Days of Christmas.
  • 59 mins - It appears Jack Frost is humping Jill. Oh heck, where is his carrot nose?
  • 79 mins - You put antifreeze in the oatmeal? Are you out of your mind kid? Sam, beat your kid.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note jackfrost1.wav Uncle Henry telling his niece a Christmas story. (hehehehe!)
Green Music Note jackfrost2.wav Stone: "It can freeze and unfreeze at will! It melted, came through the doggie door, and refroze on the inside."
Green Music Note jackfrost3.wav Jack Frost: "Looks like Christmas came a little early this year. Well, hope it was good for you honey."
Green Music Note jackfrost4.wav Sam: "Hey Jack!"
Jack Frost: "What?"
Sam: "What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?"
Jack Frost: "I dunno."
Sam: "Snowballs."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipjackfrost1.mpg - 2.8m
They just finished blowing the police station to kingdom come, hoping to destroy the evil snow cone in the process of course. It looks like the blast mixed up Jack a little bit, I wonder how many snowmen like this are built near places "the short school bus" makes its stops.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 ... 7
Jack Frost
Reply #17. Posted on April 19, 2000, 06:07:10 PM by STPezatcha
Which was more disturbing ...The Son putting anti-freeze in his dad's oatmeal? or This movie ever being made?
Jack Frost
Reply #18. Posted on July 05, 2000, 10:32:10 AM by Kurt
For all the good and bad comments we've seen about this movie--no one can deny that it looks like it was a hell of a
lot of fun to make.  The special effects are admittedly awful, the plot is rather weak, but still...dammit, I thought this was gleefully cheesey fun.  That's a lot of what bad movies are all about--it's not scary, but that's not the point.    The point of bad movies is delighting in the cheesiness of it all.
Jack Frost
Reply #19. Posted on July 24, 2000, 10:03:37 AM by Syke
It's been a year since I last saw this film, and reading your review reminds me how much I laughed my head off when me and my friends rented Jack Frost. We expected a creepy horror movie (remember what Jack looks like on the hologram cover) and got a comedy with crazy death scenes. From the priest moving his hairdyer in a cross motion to Jack's constant puns ("I can see your house from up here" when he's run over by the store owner) it's a definite classic B-movie. I'm still waitng for A Pix to get some more of whatever they smoked so they can make "Jack Antifreeze" Another thing you can learn from this movie: Never let your children cook oatmeal unless killer snowmen are on the loose.
Jack Frost
Reply #20. Posted on April 23, 2002, 03:08:18 AM by Jack
The Best movie of all time.  Seriously folks there is no movie better than this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jack Frost
Reply #21. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Canadaphile
Jesus God, they made a SEQUEL to this?!  Even my husband couldn't finish watching it, and he sits through crap that would send anyone else out of the room screaming.

Although admittedly the line, "It ain't f---ing Frosty" was pretty funny.
Jack Frost
Reply #22. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Daniel Gabriele
This is the best movie ever made. It has sex, suspense, and great acting. It deserves awards in all aspects. Jack Frost is made of genetically altered snow molecules! He is a meanyhead, but you can kill him with anti-freeze!! This is a true story, I am told. It happened about three years ago in the Mighty Empire of Zimbabwe; Mr. Frost was infecting the remaining 30% of Africa's population that didn't have AIDs with Ebola!
Jack Frost
Reply #23. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Izzy
Now, I love trash. I love terribly bad horror films. But this film has on e HUGE, HUGE error. It is the only thing keeping it from becoming a cheese classic- the people behind it took themselves seriously. They tried to make a genuine horror flick. That was the same problem with LEPRECHAUN- great (awful, in normal filmgoer terms) storyline, but the crew wanted to make a quote-unquote, "good scare film". Jack frost is absoulutely terrible.
Jack Frost
Reply #24. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by The_Cynical_Critic
I saw this movie back in '99. I didn't like it. I feel just like the commenter who said they felt the film violated them and screwed with their head.

The humor was too crude for my taste, the death scenes were far too cheesy, and I too found myself repositioning often because I was so uncomfortable watching this. This movie is genuinely disturbing, sick, sadistic, and nauseating to the core. Don't even reconsider watching this, it's just plain trash.
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