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JACK FROST - 3 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1996 Frost Bite Films Ltd.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Sam - Town Sheriff who brought Jack Frost in the first time.
  • Ryan - Sam's darn kid, he cooks way to often for a boy.
  • Anne - Sam's wife. Anything else about her? Anyone?
  • Agent Manners - FBI with the normal smug personality. I'd like to see him and Moulder argue about killer snowmen for an hour. Dies of "frostbite."
  • Stone - Scientist who created the genetic acid which bonded Jack Frost to the snow. Ends up filled with snow.
  • Jill and Tommy - Shannon Elizabeth and um, some guy! Two young lovers, and she really needed to get naked. I could sleep at night if she had gotten naked. Anyway, he gets an icicle through the head and she dies from a case of horizontal hypothermia mambo.
  • Paul - Old guy who owns the town general store.
  • Jake, Sally, and Billy - The rest of Jill's family. Billy's head is removed by a sled, Jake has an axe jammed down his throat, and Sally is strangled with Christmas lights.
  • Chris, Joe, and Marla - The rest of the police force. Jack Frost runs over Chris with his own cruiser.
  • Jack Frost - Killer who is accidently melted down with a genetic acid. He becomes a deadly snowman! Dissolved in antifreeze.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

A killer snowman, (I'll let that sink in for a few moments.) created when a serial killer is melted by genetic acid, which combines with snow of course. This is because murderers have only one valence electron (like Hydrogen) and will covalently bond with Oxygen atoms. Okay, so it doesn't work, you explain the damn thing. Jack is pretty annoyed with Sam for capturing him in the first place, getting melted probably didn't help things, so he begins killing off the rednecks, um, townspeople. Scary thing is we are constantly bombarded with AWFUL puns. Hurray for the film's creators, they never attempt to be serious - smart move when you're dealing with killer snowman movies. Poor Sam makes every attempt to stop the murderous snow cone, high powered bullets, blowing up the police station, even using hairdryers. Nothing works, the villian can melt and freeze at will! Finally Ryan's oatmeal proves effective, it's secret ingredient is Antifreeze! I never said Ryan was a very good cook... One of my favorite parts is when Jack strangles Sally with the Christmas lights and smashes her face into a box of ornaments, though Jill undressing to sexy Christmas music worked nicely. All the absurdity you can ask for, Badmovies.org's must see for the Christmas season.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Never let your psychopathic brother tell Christmas stories to the kids.
  • Death row inmates are driven to the electric chair.
  • Snowmen need not be anatomically correct.
  • Memo pads should not be used for stuff like "somebody died."
  • Sleds are guillotines waiting to happen.
  • Backwoods people think Oprah is a philosopher.
  • Having your face crushed into a box full of Christmas ornaments sucks.
  • Getting clothes off to have sex, during the winter, can take a while.
  • Hair dryers are excellent weapons against snowmen.
  • Aerosol cans are more destructive than dynamite.
  • If you are a killer snowman - AVOID ANTIFREEZE AT ALL COSTS!
  • Dunking your kid in engine coolant is okay under certain circumstances.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 3 mins - Why are those two sitting so close together? Oh, to be in the same shot.
  • 7 mins - Ouch! Doused with genetic acid!
  • 13 mins - That looks like crap with marshmallows in it.
  • 35 mins - Axe handle crammed down the throat...
  • 37 mins - Obviously a doll having it's face stuffed into Christmas ornaments.
  • 45 mins - Manners, you are such a dickhead.
  • 52 mins - Jill undressing to a sexy version of The Twelve Days of Christmas.
  • 59 mins - It appears Jack Frost is humping Jill. Oh heck, where is his carrot nose?
  • 79 mins - You put antifreeze in the oatmeal? Are you out of your mind kid? Sam, beat your kid.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note jackfrost1.wav Uncle Henry telling his niece a Christmas story. (hehehehe!)
Green Music Note jackfrost2.wav Stone: "It can freeze and unfreeze at will! It melted, came through the doggie door, and refroze on the inside."
Green Music Note jackfrost3.wav Jack Frost: "Looks like Christmas came a little early this year. Well, hope it was good for you honey."
Green Music Note jackfrost4.wav Sam: "Hey Jack!"
Jack Frost: "What?"
Sam: "What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?"
Jack Frost: "I dunno."
Sam: "Snowballs."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipjackfrost1.mpg - 2.8m
They just finished blowing the police station to kingdom come, hoping to destroy the evil snow cone in the process of course. It looks like the blast mixed up Jack a little bit, I wonder how many snowmen like this are built near places "the short school bus" makes its stops.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 7
Jack Frost
Reply #25. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Joe
Me and my mates hired this out coz of the hologram on the front and we thought it was a blast!!!  Probably the funniest movie I've ever seen, especially the shower seen (a rival to Psycho surely!) and the classic zoom by the xmas tree.  If you want to find the king of tacky horror movies, Jack Frost is your Mekkah.  Watch it now!!!
Jack Frost
Reply #26. Posted on October 01, 2001, 02:10:36 AM by Marcus
A movie based on a typical B-Movie theme...stupidity stupidity and more stupidity!  Bad acting is the key though along with the cheezball lines from the killer snowman.  The shower scene is hilarious none the less.  One problem, how the hell does that guy live after he gets an icicle through the heart??? I often wonder who would win in battle...Jack Frost from this movie or Jack Frost from that lame Michael Keaton flick.  My money is 100 to 1 on that bad mother f**king snow cone...
Jack Frost
Reply #27. Posted on October 23, 2001, 07:41:24 PM by Alex Davis
What a fantastic film! The sequel is even cheesier if that is actually possible. Killer snowman travels to Carribean island for revenge...what is up with the bathtub scene? The whole premise s just brilliant, how do you come up with something as out there as this? Th man who direceted this was nothing short of agenius. Well among the cheesiest fils I have ever seen, barring JF2.
Jack Frost
Reply #28. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by
Without a doubt the most stupid film ever made. Ed Wood's films are genius compared to this crap.
Jack Frost
Reply #29. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by The MessiahMan
This was just plain awful.  I stopped watching it as the police station was blown up and jack reformed.  There was just no comedic value to the film at all...instead, I got THE stupidest death scenes known to man...THE lousiest one-liners a writer could write...and THE dumbest plot I've ever seen, barring none!  I REALLY wanted to find this movie funny.  Maybe if I was twelve again...
Jack Frost
Reply #30. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by wheresthecarrot
As you can probably tell from my username, I love this movie.  Not because it's good, but because of how bad it is.  I can say that it is better than "Uncle Sam," which was produced by the same people.  But the movie is so incredibly not scary it's wonderful.  It's also good to see where Shannon Elizabeth got her roots.  It's a great movie, in the same way that "Cannibal the Musical" and "Silent Night Deadly Night" are good.  If you love dumb horror movies, it's a must see.
Jack Frost
Reply #31. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Desdanova
I caught this movie some time ago (on HBO or the like) and though it was great fun... Humorous like "Nightmare on Elm Street" albeit a bit sillier. The next winter I saw "Jack Frost" in the listings again and the anticipation swelled inside me. I actually scheduled my time to watch it (which I rarely do) and had the popcorn and the coffee ready when it came on. Imagine my HORROR when that mushy-ass, warm and fuzzy rip-off movie featuring Michael Keaton started rolling!!! Talk about AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH !!!!!!
Jack Frost
Reply #32. Posted on November 24, 2002, 07:20:01 PM by Heinrich_Himmler
This thing is bad and I do mean really bad.When I saw it I expected it to be so bad its good type fair.You know clever jokes and quips and such atleast.Well it is just plain bad nothing good about it.Who the f**k made this movie?
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Lesson Learned:
  • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

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