JACK FROST
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 1996 Frost Bite Films Ltd.
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
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- Sam - Town Sheriff who brought Jack Frost in the first time.
- Ryan - Sam's darn kid, he cooks way to often for a boy.
- Anne - Sam's wife. Anything else about her? Anyone?
- Agent Manners - FBI with the normal smug personality. I'd like to see him and Moulder argue about killer snowmen for an hour. Dies of "frostbite."
- Stone - Scientist who created the genetic acid which bonded Jack Frost to the snow. Ends up filled with snow.
- Jill and Tommy - Shannon Elizabeth and um, some guy! Two young lovers, and she really needed to get naked. I could sleep at night if she had gotten naked. Anyway, he gets an icicle through the head and she dies from a case of horizontal hypothermia mambo.
- Paul - Old guy who owns the town general store.
- Jake, Sally, and Billy - The rest of Jill's family. Billy's head is removed by a sled, Jake has an axe jammed down his throat, and Sally is strangled with Christmas lights.
- Chris, Joe, and Marla - The rest of the police force. Jack Frost runs over Chris with his own cruiser.
- Jack Frost - Killer who is accidently melted down with a genetic acid. He becomes a deadly snowman! Dissolved in antifreeze.
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| A killer snowman, (I'll let that sink in for a few moments.) created when a serial killer is melted by genetic acid, which combines with snow of course. This is because murderers have only one valence electron (like Hydrogen) and will covalently bond with Oxygen atoms. Okay, so it doesn't work, you explain the damn thing. Jack is pretty annoyed with Sam for capturing him in the first place, getting melted probably didn't help things, so he begins killing off the rednecks, um, townspeople. Scary thing is we are constantly bombarded with AWFUL puns. Hurray for the film's creators, they never attempt to be serious - smart move when you're dealing with killer snowman movies. Poor Sam makes every attempt to stop the murderous snow cone, high powered bullets, blowing up the police station, even using hairdryers. Nothing works, the villian can melt and freeze at will! Finally Ryan's oatmeal proves effective, it's secret ingredient is Antifreeze! I never said Ryan was a very good cook... One of my favorite parts is when Jack strangles Sally with the Christmas lights and smashes her face into a box of ornaments, though Jill undressing to sexy Christmas music worked nicely. All the absurdity you can ask for, Badmovies.org's must see for the Christmas season. |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- Never let your psychopathic brother tell Christmas stories to the kids.
- Death row inmates are driven to the electric chair.
- Snowmen need not be anatomically correct.
- Memo pads should not be used for stuff like "somebody died."
- Sleds are guillotines waiting to happen.
- Backwoods people think Oprah is a philosopher.
- Having your face crushed into a box full of Christmas ornaments sucks.
- Getting clothes off to have sex, during the winter, can take a while.
- Hair dryers are excellent weapons against snowmen.
- Aerosol cans are more destructive than dynamite.
- If you are a killer snowman - AVOID ANTIFREEZE AT ALL COSTS!
- Dunking your kid in engine coolant is okay under certain circumstances.
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- 3 mins - Why are those two sitting so close together? Oh, to be in the same shot.
- 7 mins - Ouch! Doused with genetic acid!
- 13 mins - That looks like crap with marshmallows in it.
- 35 mins - Axe handle crammed down the throat...
- 37 mins - Obviously a doll having it's face stuffed into Christmas ornaments.
- 45 mins - Manners, you are such a dickhead.
- 52 mins - Jill undressing to a sexy version of The Twelve Days of Christmas.
- 59 mins - It appears Jack Frost is humping Jill. Oh heck, where is his carrot nose?
- 79 mins - You put antifreeze in the oatmeal? Are you out of your mind kid? Sam, beat your kid.
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | jackfrost1.wav
| Uncle Henry telling his niece a Christmas story. (hehehehe!)
| | jackfrost2.wav
| Stone: "It can freeze and unfreeze at will! It melted, came through the doggie door, and refroze on the inside."
| | jackfrost3.wav
| Jack Frost: "Looks like Christmas came a little early this year. Well, hope it was good for you honey."
| | jackfrost4.wav
| Sam: "Hey Jack!"
Jack Frost: "What?"
Sam: "What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?"
Jack Frost: "I dunno."
Sam: "Snowballs."
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| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | jackfrost1.mpg
- 2.8m
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| They just finished blowing the police station to kingdom come, hoping to destroy the evil snow cone in the process of course. It looks like the blast mixed up Jack a little bit, I wonder how many snowmen like this are built near places "the short school bus" makes its stops.
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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| Jack Frost
Reply #9. Posted on September 15, 1999, 04:08:13 AM by theobtuse_christ@hotmail.com
The most improbable decapitation with a sled,an oven mitt pushing a doll's face into a box of ornaments,why little kids are as dumb as their pets to drink antifreeze,and a girl getting sexually assaulted by a carrot. This is why America leads both the film and nondescript genetic-altering goo industries of today and tomorrow. Hurrah!
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Reply #10. Posted on September 18, 1999, 12:00:43 PM by HatedThisMovie
This is the biggest pile of sh*t I have ever witnessed with NO redeeming values, not even nudity! Ahh, too bad, did I spoil your fun? I suggest that if you like this movie, you should douse yourself with genetic acid. Can you say, "CRAP"?
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Reply #11. Posted on September 21, 1999, 12:59:15 PM by kayzr18@hotmail.com
What was this movie about? A killer snowman?? *Yawns* I must've fallen asleep..... The only word that I can find to aptly describe this movie is RANCID. Never in my life have I squirmed and shuddered in such agony as I did when I saw Jack Frost. The puns, the bad acting, the bad special effects..... This one should be flushed down the nearest toliet and never be allowed to see the light of day again.
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Reply #12. Posted on October 27, 1999, 11:50:58 AM by paul westbrook
If Silent Night Deadly Night offended the general public, then this movie definately will have that same effect. Of course I love this movie. If there was an academy award for best new original idea for a horror film, then this one would take the honours hands down. I laughed, I cried, I melted.
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Reply #13. Posted on December 24, 1999, 01:00:12 AM by Marshall
This has got to be the best movie ever made. (I wrote this drunk....my opinion might change in the morning)
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Reply #14. Posted on January 21, 2000, 03:28:46 PM by Paul H.
So many different opinions about this movie.
I liked it for many of its subtle qualities.
Not all good bad movies need something going on.
I like the main characters and those just standing around.
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Reply #15. Posted on January 28, 2000, 04:19:19 PM by hawkmankt@earthlink.net
Come on kids. I think we're over analyzing this one a bit too much. This movie sucked and that's the magic of it. Bad movies are not meant to be critiqued seriously. These guys knew this movie sucked when they came up with the costume, the decapitation scene, the anti-freeze scene, etc.. The sooner you guys realize that its enjoyable to watch bad movies and laugh at them, the more you'll enjoy them. Because that is what its all about.
Hawkman (I know the difference between snowmen and snowwomen)
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Reply #16. Posted on April 17, 2000, 07:53:57 PM by
Considering all the facts the the other people gave, I would have to say that this movie was the dumbest ever made. In other words it sucked. It made no sense what so ever. Everyone says that it is such a great movie. Screw it and the director as my opinion.
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