|Copyright 1983 Barclays Mercantile Industrial Finance Limited
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
- Colwyn - Heroic prince who wishes to free his world from the evil Beast. He is also made out of something fire retardant.
- Lyssa - Princess who dearly loves Colwyn, even though she has known him for about one hour and it is an arranged marriage.
- Ergo - Inept sorcerer who has some ego problems.
- Ynyr - Ancient wise man with darn little common sense. Dies after he runs out of sand. (Go watch the movie and stop scratching your head over what that means.)
- Torquil - Bandit and robber, he does not really exhibit any good qualities, but Colwyn likes him for some reason.
- The Cyclops - Powerful warrior who can see into the future, unfortunately the only thing he can see is his own death. Ends up as a one eyed pancake.
- Kegan - Liam Neeson! One of Torquil's fellow bandits who has a wife in almost every village. Shot by a Slayer.
- The Widow of the Web - Once beloved of Ynyr, she has been sentenced to life imprisonment for killing his son. Eaten by a giant spider.
- Turold - Colwyn's father, the late king.
- Eirig - Lyssa's father, another late king. (In case you missed it, I'm not talking about punctuality.)
- Rhun and the Merry Men - The rest of the bandits, just here so someone can die every other scene or so.
- The Emerald Seer and Titch - Old man and his little apprentice, the seer is killed and replaced by a servant to the Beast.
- The Slayers - Army of armored creatures which serve the Beast. When you kill one red special effects go off and it's skull splits open, then something nasty burrows into the ground.
- The Beast - Conqueror of worlds, ruler of the known galaxy, but I've seen piles of sticks with better skill at romance. Roasted alive by Colwyn.
|If you were any sort of fantasy film lover alive during the 80's it is impossible to imagine that "Krull" did not grab your attention at the video store. Not only does it have an impressive cast (so many of these people appeared in other films, though I only mentioned Liam with the "!"), there are swords, lasers, monsters, and even a remote control 10,000rpm throwing star! Coolness!
Along the lines of plot, well the film is a textbook example of some evil power stealing the hero's true love and him fighting to gain her back, with some sidetracks to show just how fantastic the setting is. Even though the Beast is a towering reptile monster it desires Lyssa to be his bride, she is a little unnerved by this. (Not the least of which would be consummating the event, yikes!) Slayers take her prisoner and leave Colwyn for dead, but the prince is saved by a wise old man and easily gathers a party of loyal friends to assist him in attacking an impregnable fortress.
The special effects range from downright ludicrous, such as the amazing flying Clydesdales scene, to exceptional. The stop motion spider that guards the Widow is a gorgeous piece of work. There is nothing like watching a convincing arachnid scaled to the size of a small house. Most of the acting I can do without, but Ergo was my favorite character. When not bumbling spells and turning himself into a goose, the little guy is extolling his own virtues, which leads to some amusing descriptive phrases.
No matter what "real" critics say, you can not get me to hate this film.
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Women can make water catch on fire.
- Advanced alien armies, which have conquered the known galaxy, use horses for land transportation.
- Heroes are made from asbestos.
- When traveling as a flaming meteorite one should avoid ponds or other bodies of water.
- Kings carry master keys to every lock in their kingdom. (Which probably work on chastity belts too.)
- Spider web sounds just like wind chimes when you shake it.
- Beauty might not be skin deep, but love sure the heck is.
- Cyclops are made out of Kevlar.
- Boomerang throwing stars, that you intend on chucking at some slimy alien overlord, should have a nonstick coating.
- Marriage vows are based on a grisly way to flame broil the bride and groom's enemies.
- 10 mins - Advanced enough to have propane torches, but still using bows and swords...
- 16 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A HAY CART!
- 22 mins - Colwyn is really spry for having a laser lance pierce his shoulder. Oh, rock climbing now!
- 54 mins - Great idea Beast, keep traumatizing her with weird visions, I can see this being a successful marriage.
- 56 mins - Hehehe! He actually stood up in the quicksand for a moment.
- 58 mins - Everyone is darn clean after wading through all that quicksand.
- 74 mins - The phrase you are looking for is "Oh shit!" What did you expect was living in that huge web anyway?
- 84 mins - Why didn't you get a weekly schedule or something? That way they would know when the fortress was visiting some local area.
- 91 mins - Holy blue screen Batman!
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Ynyr: "This it was given me to know, that many worlds have been enslaved by the Beast and his army, the Slayers."
||Ergo: "I am Ergo the Magnificent! Short in stature, tall in power, narrow of purpose, and wide of vision, and I do not travel with peasants and beggars. Good bye!"
||Torquil: "I don't kill men without good reason."
||Ergo: "My name is no jest, beanpole. It's all very well to have a short name when you're twenty feet tall, but small people need large names to give them weight."
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
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