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LAKE PLACID - 2 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1999 Phoenix Pictures
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Kelly Scott - Bridget Fonda! Bitchy paleontologist who seems to attract severed heads, though I'm pretty sure she's not happy about that.
  • Jack Wells - Bill Pullman! Fish and Game representative and the voice of reason.
  • Sheriff Hank Keough - Unhappy man, despite seeming to be fairly bright and witty everyone throws the Neanderthal jokes his way.
  • Hector Cyr - Oliver Platt! Rich guy who loves swimming with crocodiles, he is a grade A nut case.
  • Mrs. Bickerman - Betty White! Cantankerous (And I mean Cantankerous.) old woman who has been living on the lake for years, she's also been feeding cattle to the crocodile.
  • Deputy Gare - She falls for Hector, I have no idea why.
  • The Crocodile - A thirty foot monster which has migrated to Maine...

Buy It!

The Plot: 

The technology and actors recruited for these things might keep getting better, but one look at the plot and you have to wonder. All of our characters gravitate to the backwoods of Maine, bent on investigating the strange death of a diver studying beaver populations. Pretty soon the truth is apparent, for some reason an enormous tropical crocodile has made the lake his home. Not only that, but the darn thing seems to be diabetic or possibly warm blooded. (Which would explain it's high rate of metabolism and ability to survive winters in Maine.) So we have Jack and Sheriff Keough running around trying to kill the thing, Kelly is mostly on the conservation side, (Save the fig bucking crocodile!), and Hector probably wants to build a shrine. That last gentleman on our list is a piece of art by the way, when he's not setting snare traps (Which might seriously screw with a human, but not some reptile weighing a few thousand pounds.) he's ranting about them being "dragons." True, the English description of such monsters would closely match a giant crocodile, but the beast in question would have eaten Saint George's horse, then the unhappy knight. After a few close calls, one too close for a deputy, they decide to trap the monster. Just see the plan going all wrong and everyone running all over the place trying to avoid the snapping jaws don't you? You'd be absolutely correct, a few even blaze away with rifles to no effect. Which leads me to a final question, ignoring the strange shotgun/antitank weapon Sheriff Keough owns, why didn't anyone have a weapon capable of killing this thing? I'm certain a good rifle, such as a 30-06, 300 Win, or even 458 Win, would have done just fine.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Crocodiles have a difficult time with bite sized divers.
  • Sexual harassment laws are starting to border on ridiculous.
  • Field work is not a requirement for a degree in Paleontology.
  • It's hard to remember someone in a good way when all you have to cry over is a big toe.
  • I don't need to watch some overweight county sheriff, with bed head and in his underwear, take a leak.
  • Crocodiles like to play with boat anchors.
  • Never try to commiserate a friend dying with some mental guy.
  • Cows can't fly.
  • Radar will detect submerged crocodiles.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 5 mins - Sort of a large and still lake for beavers, oh never mind, they're just mops of hair pulled along on a string.
  • 13 mins - What sort of firearm is that again?
  • 18 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A SHERIFF!
  • 26 mins - That pickup line worked? I am going to Maine...
  • 32 mins - Whole lot of love here, whole lot of love.
  • 35 mins - It carefully gutted and ate the moose?
  • 44 mins - Well, it just ate the only Grizzly living in Maine...
  • 49 mins - How did they get all the groundwater out of the print so they could make the cast of it?
  • 52 mins - I never thought I'd hear Betty White say that.
  • 61 mins - Let me remind you, it recently tried to eat your helicopter.
  • 69 mins - Kelly was submerged for just under one minute. Not bad for someone who does not exercise and is full of adrenaline.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note lakeplacid1.wav Kelly: "I don't do field, and even if I did, Maine? I'm allergic to timber!"
Her Boss: "Kelly..."
Kelly: "I am not going to Maine."
Green Music Note lakeplacid2.wav Jack: "Do you know how your husband died?"
Mrs. Bickerman: "Oh yes, I killed him!"
Jack: "You killed him?"
Mrs. Bickerman: "Oh yes!"
Green Music Note lakeplacid3.wav Mrs. Bickerman: "If I had a dick this is where I'd tell you to suck it."
Sheriff: "Did the crocodile kill your husband?"
Mrs. Bickerman: "Yes, but it was all... ...it was a mistake."
Kelly: "A mistake?"
Green Music Note lakeplacid4.wav Hector: "Let's not overlook the fact that he didn't eat me."
Jack: "'Cause he just ate a cow, stupid!"

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Cliplakeplacid1.mpg - 1.8m
Crocodiles love the taste of bear.

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Internet Movie Database


Comments:Write CommentPages: [1] 2 3 ... 7
Lake Placid
Reply #1. Posted on February 15, 2000, 02:40:27 AM by Goreomedy
David E. Kelly should be drawn and quartered for this film.  My eyes strained from rolling, about the third time Fonda was thrown out of a vehichle.  The only snicker came from the line, "You s**tf**k."  David E. Kelly is certainly that...
Lake Placid
Reply #2. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Josie
My friends and I had a terrific amount of fun with this movie... not that the movie itself was particularly good, but thanks to Steve Irwin, the MST possibilities of anything featuring a giant crocodile are wonderful!  "Crikey!  My toe!"  "Crikey!  My head!"  "Crikey!  My bottom half!"

The fact that we'd had a lot of Mt. Dew before hand (and that we'd just seen 'Mortal Kombat') may have something to do with the fact that we found this so entertaining...
Lake Placid
Reply #3. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by Gareth
This is a great movie. Funny, well-writen and exciting, but not stupidly violent. The greatest thing is that crocodiles have been known to grow that big...

And to the review of sometime before, the difference betweeen crocs and gators are many, but basically gators have rounder, blunter jaws and crocs longer, narrower ones. Crocs grow much bigger and are more aggressive and dangerous.
Lake Placid
Reply #4. Posted on February 19, 2000, 01:07:32 AM by Chicago Joe
Some people try to make a good bad movie and fail
this one didn't. If you check thier web page it was all suppose to be tongue and cheek. And I love when Bidgette Fonda keeps getting hit with heads!

                     
Lake Placid
Reply #5. Posted on February 13, 2000, 09:53:48 PM by Dave from MonsterIsland
I love this movie...not only is it "set" in my home state but it features one of the best lines ever in a movie....Betty Whites: "If I had a dick this is where I would tell you to suck it!"

Can't beat that!

Lake Placid
Reply #6. Posted on March 08, 2000, 10:36:38 AM by Paul H.
After barely resisting the urge to kill everyone in the room with my bare hands I settled down for the last 2/3rds of this movie.  And all I have to say is Holy Smit.  This is one of the best bad movies of resent times.  It is even better than Deep Rising.  The lines and character interactions  play a fine line with driving you insane.  But in the end this movie is near perfect.  Thanks to Betty White and Oliver Platt.  When the bear shows up I swear you can metaphysically hear someone yell "Cue the Bear", "Action".
Lake Placid
Reply #7. Posted on March 10, 2000, 05:44:10 PM by JON4474
Lake Placid makes for a decent video rental. However, I saw it in the theaters because I'm a sucker for giant animal/monster movies with up-to-date special effects. Written by David E. Kelley, this movie feels more like a T.V. movie than the big scale summer film it could have been. It does have the best crocodile eating bear scene ever put on film. The special effects are good but don't amount to much in the end. The finale feels very anticlimactic. You can tell the movie strives to be bigger, but doesn't deliver the goods. I enjoyed Lake Placid because I'm into these type of films, but I'm disappointed in all the lost possibilities.
Lake Placid
Reply #8. Posted on April 18, 2000, 07:40:48 AM by Chris K.
Prety bad parody of the monster-on-the-loose films of the 1950's. LAKE PLACID is okay in my book, but when you watch it once you don't want to watch it again for it's uncontrolable badness and horrible dialouge.
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