LAP DANCING
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| Unrated
| | Copyright 1995 Lap Dancing Productions Inc.
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
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- Angie - Naive girl from Omaha who wants to be an actress.
- Claudia - Angie's roommate, everyone throws her failed singing career in her face.
- Sam - Blind producer who wants to help Angie.
- Sandy - Older stripper whose boyfriend beats her, she also loves produce. (It's an interesting story, but I'm not going into it.)
- Irene - Attractive girl with the least silicon apparent, she hooks on the side for kicks.
- Michael - Angie's old boyfriend who turns out to be a royal jerk.
- Manny - Manager of the club, evidently he has a small penis.
- Chuck - Bartender who is in love with Claudia.
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| Little Angie came to Hollywood with stars in her eyes, unfortunately she only ended up with Michael between her thighs. After months of being turned down for parts, mainly due to the fact that she sucks at auditions, she decides to take Claudia's advice and come work at the club. Get some real world experience, earn some cash, broaden her - um - horizons. What this sets the audience up for is just over an hour of naked women, with very little plot to cover them. Sure, she learns about Sandy's abusive boyfriend, Irene's addiction to sex, and her own budding bisexuality. How in the heck does wriggling in some guy's lap for ten minutes make you a better actress? Where have you seen a strip club that the main stage is ten yards from the audience and all the girls working the floor stop to watch when a main act is on stage? Last complaint about the club, the stripper to customer ratio is about equal, with the women earning only twenty bucks a dance and the bar only moderately busy how does this place stay open? Needless to say, Angie does learn about life's hard knocks and her second audition for the same part is a complete success. (You heard me, they let her take a second crack at casting about one week later.) I will tell you right now, this film is awful, only nonstop silicon makes it worth the time for anyone appreciating such things. |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- Strippers spend their days off practicing lap dances in the living room.
- Innocent young girls from Nebraska tend to be shaved (You know what I mean.) and get really hot when other women touch them.
- When I grow up I want to be that guy who interviews prospective strippers.
- Strippers rarely pay for groceries.
- Alcoholics have runny noses.
- Blind guys are easy to trust.
- Blind guys also like to hang out at strip clubs.
- Blind guys are also deadly in hand to hand combat.
- Female lounge singers are hot acts in strip clubs.
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- 1 min - Nudity in the opening credits, oh baby!
- 11 mins - She is so annoyed with him they're going to have sex, that'll teach the jerk...
- 12 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 17 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 23 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 27 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 28 mins - Whoa! (You'll have to see the scene, but let's just say it's not a breast shot.)
- 33 mins - Why do you think he put his hand in his lap?
- 35 mins - Need a towel buddy?
- 39 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 47 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 49 mins - Her black eye sure healed up quickly.
- 55 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 63 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 72 mins - Making her remember getting raped at the age of thirteen made her horny? What?
- 72 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- Ending Credits - I'm certain to have missed some random gratuitous breast shots up there, but it was a heck of a try.
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | lapdancing1.wav
| Director: "I am so sick and tired of these f***ing actresses with big tits!"
| | lapdancing2.wav
| Claudia: "If I could act, I wouldn't be stripping."
| | lapdancing3.wav
| Angie: "Sandy, why do you dance?"
Sandy: "Why do I dance? I've got a good body, an okay face, and I know how to dance."
| | lapdancing4.wav
| Sam: "Half naked? Oh my God! I'm in a titty bar, I didn't see a thing, honest!"
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| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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