LEPRECHAUN 2
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 1994 Trimark Pictures Inc.
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 18 March 2001
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- Bridget - Annoying girl that the evil leprechaun has selected as his bride.
- Cody - The heroic (okay, maybe not so heroic) boyfriend who wants to save Bridget. Get a clue dude! Let the Irish spirit have her and then sell your story to "The Enquirer," it would be more amusing than another Elvis sighting.
- Morty - Greedy old man with a drinking problem. Dies when the leprechaun performs exploratory surgery to find out if rotgut really does live up to its name.
- Ian - Also vying for Bridget's romantic attention, but when he sticks his face in an illusion of her breasts (projected over a lawnmower) the relationship goes sour.
- The Tourists - Clint Howard and Kimmy Robertson! These two and some other rubes actually pay money for a tour of haunted and macabre sites around Hollywood. I wonder if they visited Shatner's pool?
- The Leprechaun - Horny little guy, probably due to all the green he wears. It turns out that he is very allergic to wrought iron.
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I'm holding a grudge against this film for one major reason: it explains the leprechaun's reproductive cycle in detail. You have to understand, I'd always imagined the wee folk were closely related to salmon. Just imagine it! The river churning with hundreds of midgets fighting to swim upstream to a spot that matches their memory. See them leaping up waterfalls! Watch entranced as a mother Grizzly catches one in her massive jaws! Maybe it is just as well; knowing the truth counts for something. Besides, can you honestly imagine Marty Stouffer narrating the spectacle running through my mind right now?
The fact about leprechaun love is that the little fellows can only take a bride on one of their millennial birthdays. The future spouse must sneeze thrice without someone saying "God Bless You" (using magic to saturate the air with ragweed pollen is not cheating), then prenuptial bliss can begin in earnest. One thousand years ago this particular leprechaun (the Leprechaun with a capital L from now on) was thwarted by a well-mannered father on St. Patrick's day. Please forget that the holiday was not celebrated until the sixteenth century. Please?
Cut to modern day. Cody angers Bridget when he delays their date to escort a hearse full of fools around town (Morty is too drunk to stand, let alone drive). I'm going to side with Cody, though it is difficult to really feel sorry for any of the characters. Look at it this way: Morty should be in the Betty Ford Clinic for Drunk Idiots, Cody seems destined to etch out a meager living based on bilking tourists, and Bridget has not matured past the early high school dating years. I do not like these people.
Among the trees at Houdini's dilapidated dwelling is one from his friends in Ireland. Regardless of the fact that it must have been a tiny sapling when planted, the Leprechaun has been hiding inside it and finally decides to come out. Remember the girl spared a life of indentured servitude (marriage in the old days) to the Leprechaun earlier? She was a distant ancestor of the prom queen and this is the little guy's big two-o-o-o. Guess who is the number one draft pick for John the Leprechaun Holmes' bedroom bonanza team? Did you say, "Um, Bridget?" Yes, yes - you are correct!
Witnessing the rebirth is a luckless wino. His gold tooth catches the Leprechaun's eye and some amateur dentistry is soon being conducted. Now we know how the wee folk collect their treasure, by ripping incisors out of the drunk and the homeless. Sort of explains why they chose Ireland for their home, doesn't it? One more thing; during his deciduous exile the Leprechaun picked up a surprising number of modern slogans. Prepare to be smacked around with pop culture like it is cool. Of course it isn't; this is stuff from the late 80's and early 90's. In twenty years it will be all the rage, for now it sticks out like a sore thumb.
Bridget is made a prisoner (of love) in the Leprechaun's home and it is your standard bachelor pad. Dirt floor, roots growing out of the walls, but equipped with a big bed and satin sheets. She is also reluctantly wearing her wedding band, though "band" is a misnomer. A heavy gold choke collar is fixed around her neck and secured with a suitable lock! "With this collar, I thee wed." Hehehehe!
Meanwhile, in a world without Bridget as its center, Cody is dodging both police and the Leprechaun. The boys in blue blame him for the killings, while the real killer wants his gold schilling back (now in the youth's possession). One neat facet of the movie is that anyone possessing a single piece of a leprechaun's stash is protected from the creature. The writer later uses up that goodwill credit when Warwick Davis fails to recognize a milk chocolate coin and mistakes it for his own.
All the films in the "Leprechaun" series are classified as horror and this one seems to be aimed at frightening pregnant women. One minute the Leprechaun is taunting his chosen mate with vague threats about modifying her body to birth a litter of leprechaun babies, the next Morty is receiving an unscheduled Caesarean section. Ladies: I suggest this film, Cronenberg's remake of "The Fly," and "Alien" for a movie marathon during your third trimester.
Did anyone else find midgets coming out of the woodwork this St. Patty's day? The movie seemed to support the idea that it was a "dwarf's night out" (yes, I know the difference).
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- Evil leprechauns celebrate St. Patrick's day.
- Drunks do not make the best business partners.
- People get a little annoyed when you park a hearse in front of their house.
- Don't take romantic advice from a lonely old alcoholic.
- Sticking your face into a lawnmower is bad.
- Parents and police officers are unable to tell the difference between late afternoon and midnight.
- Everybody has a reference book about ancient Irish coins in their apartment.
- Urinals are unfair to short people.
- Hernias are caused by pots of gold breaking through the abdominal wall.
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- 3 mins - You have to wait one thousand years to get married? Must be a Catholic thing.
- 15 mins - Great idea, give the drunk his car keys! I hope that he manages to run you over.
- 24 mins - Six seatbelt violations? Who else was in the car?
- 32 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT! (Nice body double...)
- 35 mins - A midget is loose in the movie! Scream! Scream for you lives!
- 38 mins - Why not run up the stairs? It was the way you came in after all.
- 50 mins - Maybe you should be more frugal with your rocks, being able to retrace your steps for twenty feet is less than worthless.
- 68 mins - Those are nice and shiny for having been inside Morty's body cavity; he must have used an enema lately.
- 79 mins - Gee, do you think that she might really be the Leprechaun in disguise?
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- Cody: "Sure, walk away, I understand. If hearing the actual sound of Jayne Mansfield's head being severed from her body is too intense for you. Well then, you know, more power to yah."
(I'd like to point out that Jayne was not decapitated; her head was sheared in half by the accident.)
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | leprechaunii1.wav
| Leprechaun: "Scream as you may, scream as you might. If you try to escape, you'll be dead on this night!"
| | leprechaunii2.wav
| Leprechaun: "What do you think of your bridal chamber?"
Bridget: "It...it's awful!"
Leprechaun: "I know it lacks a woman's touch, but you'll change that."
| | leprechaunii3.wav
| Leprechaun: "I'm going to have to make a few alterations, but afterward you should be able to bear a full litter."
| | leprechaunii4.wav
| Morty: "Didn't anybody ever tell you not to drink and levitate?"
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| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | leprechaunii1.mpg
- 2.8m
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| Our nasty little friend pulled the old "wishes with a cruel twist" routine on Morty. As a result, he has the worst hernia I have ever seen. That's probably going to leave some stretch marks.
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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