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MEGAFORCE - 3 Slimes
Rated PG
Copyright 1982 Golden Harvest
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 26 January 2000

The Characters:  

  • Hunter - Barry Bostwick! Dashing leader of the elite army, though he seems to have the same body as a Ken doll. Blows kisses the manly way, by kissing his thumb.
  • Zara - Major in the army of her backwater country, she does the "I'm longing for you" look very well.
  • General Byrne-White - Pompous Englishman (aren't they all?) that is the Commanding General of a bunch of tanks. At times he appears to be a renegade from an Old Navy commercial.
  • Dallas - Darned proud of being a Confederate redneck and Hunter's friend.
  • Zachary Taylor - Likes to spend time either listening to classical music or perfecting his combat dune buggy skills.
  • The Egg - Scientist in charge of developing new and exciting weapons. Rather absent-minded (of course).
  • Guerera - Mercenary who was once a member of Megaforce, now commanding an impressive army of M-60 tanks.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

General Byrne-White and Zara have a problem, rebel forces led by an evil mercenary are destroying facilities near their nation's border. Using the neighboring country of Gamibia (that's how the actors pronounce it) as a base of operations, they commit hit and run attacks, then retreat across the border to safety. Generally make a nuisance of themselves, that sort of thing.

Time to let you in on a secret: freedom demands a little bit of blood here and there (especially that of tyrants), but the Cold War made any direct conflict troublesome. As in ballistic missiles dropping into your backyard and vaporizing the kids. In order to actively promote their cause the free countries of the world have created Megaforce. The world's finest soldiers and equipment are trained and perfected in a remote section of southern California. Motorcycles with rockets and machine guns! Dune buggies with lasers and gatling cannons! All of them painted with a material that is black at night and a pandemonium of jagged stripes in the daylight.

The two frustrated officers are summoned to Megaforce's secret base and given the full tour, even a live demonstration of the amazing combat motorcycles destroying targets. Zara seems less than impressed and even a bit miffed the entire time, but I'll chalk that up to her anger at the highly polished floors. You see, it looks like she only brought skirts to wear. Finally the truculent Major comes around and even wants to be a part of the plan.

Of course there is a plan, there is always a plan, though Zara has to stay behind. The presence of a single woman in a black jumpsuit tends to distract large groups of males. Being distracted is bad when someone is shooting at you. Anyway, the plan! Megaforce will be air dropped into Gamibia, then attack Guerera's supply depot before leading the mercenary's forces across the border where Byrne-White and company will be waiting. Does the plan have any holes? Sure, a couple less than the plot. Any of which you could fit the moon through, but stop griping and enjoy.

Parachuting the men and equipment goes fine, even though these guys parachute out while riding their motorcycles and dirt buggies! Holy cow! It would be much safer to have cranes lower you to a few feet from the ground and then drop... ...ahm. Everything goes according to plan, the freedom fighters destroy the supply depot utterly and escape with only minor cuts and bruises.

Unfortunately Gamibia's government is angry at the attack on one of its supply depots and threatens war if Byrne-White lets Megaforce cross the border. Oh, so that was your base that the rebels have been using, plus they are "hiding" a large force of tanks inside your country? Nobody else notices this little tidbit and Megaforce is left stranded. Things like this give military intelligence a bad name, screenwriters too.

The dry lake bed is the only place their transport planes can land, but Guerera knew this and his tanks are already there. Watch in amazement as the plane lands within spitting distance of certain death, while the men of Megaforce stage a daring sneak attack to disrupt the mercenaries and escape the trap!

Turn off every logic circuit in your brain and just watch this for the sheer spectacle, there are lots of explosions and some good stunts. Mind you, a shiny rock can occupy me for hours, but you just have to see how Hunter (about to be left behind in Gamibia) manages to get aboard the plane after it takes off. My sides still ache.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Rattlesnakes hate British people.
  • Real men wear skin tight jumpsuits with light blue bandannas.
  • Never steal a man's lighter.
  • A clumsy pig is the funniest thing in the world to a redneck.
  • Thrown knives fly just like darts.
  • Overdosing on Alka-Seltzer will cure airsickness.
  • A properly equipped dirt bike can easily destroy a main battle tank.
  • Mortal enemies hug a lot.
  • Having a 105mm cannon shell punch a hole in your aircraft is known as a "malfunction."
  • Rockets do not always fly straight.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 4 mins - That's what happened to my chemistry notebook. Hey you revolutionary dog, I need that!
  • 15 mins - Okay, we need a cut here to switch Barry with the stunt man... ...there we go.
  • 21 mins - No, that is an F111.
  • 38 mins - These are some of the best hand shadows that I have ever seen.
  • 48 mins - "Cheating Bastard" is the phrase you are looking for.
  • 50 mins - Two C-130s carried all that? Wow!
  • 53 mins - I think that one guy must be bad luck or something.
  • 55 mins - Who trained this recoilless team? Hey, idiot, you wouldn't be dead if you had remembered that him tapping on your helmet meant "ready to fire."
  • 91 mins - Hehehehehehehehe! You must be kidding me! I can't breathe!
  • 94 mins - The plane banks hard, everyone goes flying, the bike crushes Hunter! Oops, that's what should have happened there. I guess people inside aircraft are unaffected by inertia.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

Green Music Note megaforce1.wav Dallas: "Well, here comes the egg, and that's no yolk!"
Egg: "Dallas, when a person doesn't have less on they have..."
Dallas: "More on?"
Egg: "Exactly."
Green Music Note megaforce2.wav Hunter: "That's totally inapplicable to anything that's going on here, and it's dumb. Who told you that?"
Dallas: "You did."
Green Music Note megaforce3.wav Guerera: "You're an idealist! In the 70's we could be idealists!"
Green Music Note megaforce4.wav Hunter: "Oh listen, I just wanted to say good-bye and remind you that the good guys always win. Even in the 80's."
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 


 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipmegaforce1.mpg - 3.3m
Megaforce conducts a daring surprise attack across the open desert to punch a hole in Guerera's tanks and escape to freedom.

Rockets! Motorcycles! Motorcycles firing rockets! Coolness!

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