|PIRANHA II: THE SPAWNING
|Copyright 1981 Chesham Investments
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
- Steve Kimbrough - Lance Henriksen! Local officer of the law, he seems to be a cross between the Coast Guard and a Sheriff.
- Annie Kimbrough - Marine Biologist and Steve's (Estranged? They certainly aren't doing well.) wife who works for the local resort.
- Chris - Annie and Steve's son who wants them to work things out, pretty good kid overall.
- Gabby - Jovial island fisherman, he's the type of guy that can toss a stick of dynamite (fuse burning) to you and get a laugh. Tries to stand up to the fish, lies down, gets eaten.
- Tyler - Government scientist who sleeps with Annie. Fish food.
- Raoul - Jerk manager of the hotel.
- Allison - Well developed young girl who gives Chris a taste of what the 80's are going to be like.
- Mrs. Wilson - Horny older woman. Ugh.
- A modest number of resort guests - Fish food.
- The Piranha - Those pesky guppies are back and this time they've been crossed with flying fish. Oh yes, you guessed it: prepare for a horde of fish suspended on wires...
|It is a crying shame that this movie is at the opposite end of James Cameron's directing career from Leonardo DieCrappo, I would pay good money to watch him run screaming from a flock of fish suspended on wires. Oops, I have upset the herd of Leonardo worshipping females - shut up, sit down. I loved the last thirty minutes of "Titanic." That would be the section where he is slowly dying of hypothermia.
On this quiet tropical island, we will just call it Jamaica, horror is about to unfold. A navy ship containing experimental Piranha eggs sank several months ago and now a new breed of terror will menace the beaches. Flying carnivorous fish, baby! (Hehehe!) Prepare to watch as meaningless people have their necks ripped out; every time the piranha attack it is right in the jugular. These things are not the most graceful flyers, mind you. Somebody needed to grab a bat or tennis racket and do some serious fish thumping.
Not much else to say about this mess. The plot is a serious muddle. I was just overjoyed with Gabby as a character. Point of fact: here is a imposing, but cheerful, Jamaican dynamite fisherman who builds a time bomb with his quartz desk clock and then gets killed after he attacks the Piranha with a torch. Whew...
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Never have sex while scuba diving, it upsets the fish.
- Ugly women can drown in three feet of water.
- Piranha instinctively go for their victim's throat.
- Jamaican nurses are tough hombres.
- Half eaten bodies get women in the mood.
- Making out under a waterfall isn't as fun as it sounds.
- Fish have rhythm!
- Piranha see everything through a red filter.
- Two humans wearing awkward scuba gear can out swim a school of super piranha through the narrow hallways of a sunken ship.
- Every quartz watch in the world is synchronized.
- 1 min - These intro special effects do not bode well.
- 4 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 15 mins - Ugly woman meets nerd, they fall in love, and I'm not going any further than that...
- 26 mins - Where did this floating head go to acting school? Clear camera!
- 32 mins - Is that fish really flying?
- 38 mins - You have to be kidding me, that piranha has been hiding inside the corpse's body cavity all this time?
- 51 mins - Gabby is making a waterproof time bomb out of dynamite and a cheap quartz clock?
- 67 mins - I am officially tired of it being too dark, when did James Cameron start having enough pull to afford lights?
- 75 mins - He is going to ditch the helicopter? As in drop it into the ocean?
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Steve: "I told you the next time I caught you and your son dynamite fishing I'd throw your sorry ass in jail, and I meant it!"
||Annie's Father: "And by the way, you may call me Captain."
||Raoul: "You're sticking a red hot poker up my ass by canceling now."
||Tyler explains how the Piranha were created.
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
|Gabby heroically takes on the Piranha, but unfortunately underestimates the power of fish. He was my favorite character too, I almost cried.
| ||Leave a comment||EXTRAS||Buy the movie|| |
Reply #17. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Davis
All I have to say that this was the worst piece of horse crap I've ever seen in my entire life. I nearly executed myself for actually sitting through this horrible piece of filming.
Reply #18. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by lostmissy
I'm developing a theory about Corman movies i.e. "the earlier in the movie the girls clothes comes off, the worse the movie will be" . Let me see ,4 minutes, hmm another link in the chain of proof!!
Reply #19. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Doc Hazzard
To John.B ..Check out Tricia O'Neal in a bikini top and daisy dukes in THE GUMBALL RALLY(1976)a really funny road race comedy with Raul Julia.Nice bit in it of her wiggling and jiggling while she's washing a windsheild.
Reply #20. Posted on May 21, 2003, 06:01:44 PM by spike
I thought the movie was fun to watch just to see the stupidity. I just like the fish killing now that I seen Carnosaur. I thought Piranah series is cool.
Reply #21. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by da mojoman
Not much to add...welllll, maybe a bit. You forgot they were also created with grunion DNA to allow them to breathe air.
The people looked like real people and not model beautiful... that they acted like idiots is another matter.
First story I heard about a game warden and a man fishing with dynamite was many years ago and was in the bayou country of Louisiana...on throwing the bomb to the officer he said, "You here to talk or to fish?"
Would a bell UH-1? helicopter, in autorotation, about 30 feet in altitude crumple like tinfoil on hitting the water and burst into flame? With no prior damage like bulletholes in the fuel tanks? Sounds fishy to me.
The special effects, particularly makeup are almost Tobe Hooper or Rick Baker quality, and this is one of the first movies where the wings on the critters flapped in an appropriate ratio to their flight speed.
If you are gonna get laid in a dinghy, take padding to lie on...lots of padding.
In the final moments the diver who has been holding her breath for a minute, at least, after exerting herself to dislodge the steel grating to get out of the pending blown up ship, can swim enough to grab an anchor on a boat moving about 8 knots, and survive the explosion of 30 or so sticks of dynamite underwater at about a quarter mile (being generous) not only floats stunned on the water for less than 30 seconds but can immediately start yelling and swim straight for the dive boat where hubby is waiting...no disorientation, no bleeding from the ears, no apparent broken bones, when even surfacing should have been impossible until her corpse started to bloat.
And it had a wicked collection of a variety of tatas.
Reply #22. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Martin Bak
I watched this movie and Starship Troopers the same night which almost caused me to dehydrate because of the tears running down my cheeks - it's a beaut!! it's definately up there with other cheese heavy weights such as the cars that ate Paris and popcorn.
only complaint: it's freakin' dark i guess extra lights would have blown the budget
Reply #23. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by pete
For all the bad things that's been said about this film, one thing I have to say in it's defense: At least it acknowleges the first film. So many times a supposed "sequal" comes out (particularly if it's a horror movie sequal) that calls itself something-something part 2 and then not only does not include any of the characters from the origonal but makes no mention of any of the events from it's prdessessor. This one at least remembers it's roots. Beyond that, all I can say is you might enjoy this as a campy, so-bad-it's-good film, (and some may delight in thinking of this as an early project that both Lance Hendrickson and James Cameron must wish everyone would forget about) or you may simply loathe it. I had a fun time.
Reply #24. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Brady
This movie is the most abominable , despicable piece of f**king s**t i have ever seen in my entire life. I'd rather shove a pineapple up my arse than watch this disgrace to humanity ever again.
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