|Copyright 1984 Radioactive Dreams Productions Inc.
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
- Phillip - John Stockwell! Somber young man, he's the strong silent type unless a violent hippie bites him.
- Marlowe - Michael Dudikoff! Phillip's goofy younger brother who just wants to be a dancing dick. (Not the sort of thing you tell people these days.)
- Rusty - Like, way cool girl man, she's basically a flower child. Falls for Phillip.
- Spade and Dash - George Kennedy! (And, um, some other guy.) Two men who saved Phillip and Marlowe's lives years ago by whisking them into the bomb shelter, now powerful warlords. Taken out by a small army of Miles' soldiers.
- Disco Mutants - These kids are CRAZED, a pair of young boys dressed in leisure suits who have perfected language based on the word f**k. Eaten by a huge rodent.
- Stern - Cannibal hippie leader, stuck like a pig by Rusty.
- Miles - Evil bitch who wants to rule the post nuclear war world. Marlowe gives her a quick lesson in automatic weapons.
|Mutants, George Kennedy, and Rock n Roll, this film has it all. Even action star Michael Dudikoff (oh get up and stop laughing) playing the role of a cheery teenager who wants to be a footloose detective.
Only one thing can explain such a turn of events, nuclear war! Nostradamus was off by about four years it seems, in 1996 the U.S. and Russia finally had it out. Two kids are playing near a bomb shelter when the blast happens, fortunately two men grab both and run inside. Abandoned and sealed into the shelter while still young the two grow into strapping lads, bad thing is the only books to read were 1940's detective books (hence their names). Needless to say, the pair are not well adapted to what society is after Armageddon. Hippie's, Disco, and even George Kennedy are back - it's truly hell on Earth.
One fortunate thing does happen, Miles stumbles across their path and while catching a ride manages to lose her keys. Special keys she stole from Spade and Dash, the launch keys to an unused ballistic missile. Once the gang leaders of Edge City find out the duo has them it's nonstop trouble, even Rusty betrays Phillip.
Toughened up by a crash course in the school of hard knocks, the pair are almost ready to take on the world. Well, an old warehouse full of mutants at least. Just when you think they've bitten off more than they can chew two of the most powerful warlords rip off their lizard masks. That's right, it's George Kennedy and pal, turning the tables on Miles' pack of dirty rats. Phil and Marlowe's old pops have these guns, the settings are safe, fire, and blow everything to hell. I want one.
If that climatic battle isn't enough, the movie finishes out with a dance number as the young detectives cut a rug. I'll admit, this is one of my guilty pleasures, amazingly bad, but between watching Michael Dudikoff dance and the "Pimps of Doom" it's worth a little pain.
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- In 1996 they didn't have color film.
- Reading a book on barbering does not make one a barber.
- Cars left untouched for fifteen years will start right up.
- "The finger" is not a good pickup line.
- Never let a strange hippie girl put manacles on you.
- Given time a writer can come up with a theme song for anything.
- Women: If clothed in a flowing white dress you look slightly out of place carrying a submachine gun.
- Wearing flashing lights on your otherwise stealthy body armor is not advised.
- George Kennedy is a post nuclear war mutant...
- 2 mins - George Kennedy! Help!
- 12 mins - These two really need to stop referring to themselves as "dicks."
- 17 mins - Say, wouldn't those rounds have to travel through Marlowe to hit there?
- 28 mins - You're going to get your butt kicked.
- 37 mins - Rowl! (You'll have to watch the scene.)
- 54 mins - It's a female Elvis!
- 58 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 61 mins - They have more mutants than you have bullets my friends...
- 63 mins - Ladies and gentlemen, the Untouchables.
- 73 mins - Ouch! (Big guns make big holes in people.)
- Miles: "I'm going to blow your head off unless I get those keys."
Marlowe: "So what does this mean, Miles? You don't love me no more?"
- Phillip: "In a tight jam a nuclear missile just might come in handy."
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Marlowe: "So, how do I look, pop? Ah, you look swell, son. Yeah you're one tough dick; you're one slick dick! Well gee, thanks, pop!" (He's talking to himself in the mirror.)
||Phillip: "Would you stop calling them our pops, please Marlowe? They locked us up in that bomb shelter cause they never intended us ever getting out, ever!"
||One of the Disco Mutants demonstrates his mastery of F**kingese.
||Phillip: "Well why can't you be out at night?" |
Rusty: "Because man the radiation made some pretty freaky looking creatures that like to roam around at night."
|Theme Song|| Listen to a clip from the soundtrack. |
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
|Michael Dudikoff watching George Kennedy kicking ass! Only in America and only after a nuclear war my friends. |
I still want one of those guns...
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