SGT KABUKIMAN N.Y.P.D.
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 1996 Troma Films
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
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- Sgt Harry Griswald - New York cop who inherits Kabuki powers and must save the world.
- Lotus - Woman who understands the Kabuki's powers and that Harry must be taught them.
- Mr. Sato - Lotus' grandfather, he get's riddled with bullets.
- Mr. Reginald Stewart - Evil rich guy, he is the embodiment of "The Evil One." Thwarted in the end.
- Rembrant - Crazy killer for Mr. Stewart, wears a blonde wig for some reason. Get's his silly wig-wearing-self shot in the forehead by Harry.
- Reverend Snipes - Corrupt minister, goes to jail after Sgt Kabukiman threatens to give him an enema with the Empire State Building's spire.
- Connie - Harry's love interest at first, due to her very nice breasts. Rembrant kills her.
- Toyota - Lotus' pet monkey.
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| If you like killer chopsticks and raw mackeral here is your movie. By a bizarre twist of fate Sgt Griswald is given the Kabuki powers by a dying Sato. Mr. Stewart has been successful in killing the intended Kabuki and believes himself safe to rule all when a prophecy comes to pass. (No way I'm going to repeat it - listen below and learn) Connie is close to learning of Reverend Snipes' ties to Stewart when she is badly beaten, Harry's sudden change into Kabukiman saves her life only briefly, Rembrant finishes the job. After a few stints involving an inability to control the power, including turning into Bozo the Clown, he asks Lotus for help. Well, she beats his testicles with a bamboo rod and that sets him right on track. Soon Kabukiman is cleaning up crime, becoming a hero, and knocking boots with Lotus. Everything comes to a head and "The Evil One's" plans are barely stopped by the hero. Sgt Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. is a fun film, it was never meant to be serious and Troma (NJ's only major motion picture company.) is
excellent at what they do. |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- Being shot in the crotch sucks.
- Never hand the clumsy guy a Samari sword.
- Japanese fans are deadly weapons.
- It's okay to hit a priest who is dealing drugs.
- Silly string obstructs windshield vision.
- Every movie needs a dog-faced monkey.
- A grown man should not walk around in a red suit.
- Hookers and pimps should be cut into sushi rolls.
- Don't read Miranda Rights to someone you've shot in the head.
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- 2 mins - Man wearing a blonde wig with a sword skewering two cute kids? Where are mom and dad? Making out! Oh hey breasts... ...what was I complaining about?
- 5 mins - That man just ate worms, I mean chowing down.
- 39 mins - Yum, a dead mackeral.
- 44 mins - What the hell is going on behind him? All I can see is a pair of turquoise stretch pants.
- 49 mins - Harry just turned into Bozo the Clown.
- 54 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A BIRTHDAY CAKE!
- 59 mins - Now what are the people in the background doing, the YMCA?
- 62 mins - Ouch! Bamboo stick to the ahm, parts...
- 74 mins - That man just turned into a pile of hot dogs!
- 76 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST POTTED PLANTS!
- 98 mins - Oh, it's um, dawn...because, the um, the night is over...
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | sgtkabuki1.wav
| Harry: "I was following up on a lead to what some might consider just another New York City massacre. A pretty woman thrown out of a high rise window, her Japanese husband disembowled, and their two kids turned into shredded wheat."
| | sgtkabuki2.wav
| Some guy: "Do you know what it's like to be violated by a three-hundred pound Filipino skinhead named Gunther? It ain't no picnic!"
| | sgtkabuki3.wav
| Lotus describing the prophecy and it's a damn goofy prophecy.
| | sgtkabuki4.wav
| Guy: "Who are you?"
Harry: "I'm Kabukiman."
| | Theme Song | Listen to a clip from the soundtrack. | |
| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | sgtkabuki1.mpg
- 2.8m
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| Harry takes on a number of punks in this scene, I love seeing the "Chopsticks of Doom" in action.
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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| Sgt Kabukiman N.Y.P.D.
Reply #1. Posted on March 30, 1999, 10:34:09 AM by whamontree@hotmail.com
Uhg. This movie is almost as bad as Headless Eyes. The chopsticks of death were pretty good though . . .
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| Sgt Kabukiman N.Y.P.D.
Reply #2. Posted on April 05, 1999, 10:53:21 PM by
Is it me... or does it look like bob hope in the blonde wig in the picture for this review?
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Reply #3. Posted on May 25, 1999, 02:15:49 AM by Mike A.
Dude, I can't BELIEVE you forgot in the "stuff to watch for" to mention the sex scene between Lotus and and whatshisname! (It's like an hour and fifteen minutes or so into the film.)
Also, I can't believe you didn't get a wav of that famous line, "Hey, Officer, what are you taking notes for? There were only three people killed..."
Anyway, other then those two minor points, great review. And a GREAT film too. Pity that the actress who played Lotus doesn't appear in anything else... (wonder if I can write to her through Troma? hmmm...)
Mike
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Reply #4. Posted on May 28, 1999, 04:13:06 PM by Tom Cole
SGT Kabukiman is one of the most fun films I've ever seen. Don't you just love Troma. Pity we don't actually see the toddlers getting sliced up. That's a darn shame. But hey you get to see a thug get his head stamped on until it bursts. The guys on the wanted poster in the police cheif's office are the directors, Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz. Bring more like this out Troma.
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Reply #5. Posted on June 10, 1999, 12:51:17 PM by greyajah@juno.com
Another gem from Troma of course!!. Can't wait for part 2.
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Reply #6. Posted on June 11, 1999, 12:58:59 AM by STPezatcha
Is Bob Hope in this movie?
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Reply #7. Posted on July 04, 1999, 09:20:23 PM by ZachClash@aol.com
Fun, crap movie. Has a "so late 80s, early 90s" feel. Anyone have lyrics to the theme song?
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Reply #8. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by Dale
The coolest superhero ever!!!
Gotta love that theme tune!
Rembrandt is the coolest villain!
The cartoon on the DVD version is also very cool!...
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