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THE SISTERHOOD - 3 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1987 Santa Fe Productions Inc.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Marya - Blonde girl who can speak with animals, she also proves rather adept with swords, armored vehicles, and M-16s.
  • Alee - Member of the Sisterhood who can fire blue lasers from her eyes. (I'm not joking.)
  • Vera - Member of the Sisterhood with a gift for healing.
  • Mikal - Mercenary who hates the Sisterhood for stealing his sister from him.
  • Lady Skree - Marya's hawk.
  • Lords Kragg and Jak - Warlords in this abysmal setting.
  • Reverend Mother - Powerful leader of the Sisterhood.
  • Lots of extras who needed the work - You guessed it, fodder.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Any movie whose cover depicts women wearing metal bikinis, riding horses, and using compound bows to fight cars straight out of "The Road Warrior" should be good stuff. Notice the ominous "should" comment there. I'm not stupid enough to really enjoy this film, in fact if I'd never gone to school and every day dad had thrown me down the steps after feeding me paint chips it would still be a close one. Evidently Earth has suffered from a nuclear war, small bands of mercenaries and other nasty types fight it out for food and fuel. Feared and hated by all is a group of women with extraordinary powers called the Sisterhood. Most of them were recently killed or taken prisoner by Lord Kragg, only Alee and Vera escaped, now they are seeking to free the others. Marya loses her brother when Mikal's group pillages the village, but luckily wanders out unscathed. Savage men who rarely see a woman sack the place and nobody rapes the blonde girl? Pretty soon Marya meets up with the two Sisters and joins them. Right about now put away all your common sense, the ladies find a nuclear silo or bunker fully stocked with weapons and ammo, including a LAV-150LST. (A light armored vehicle, I know that Taiwan uses them, but who else is beyond me.) Without any training they put it to use attacking Mikal and Lord Jak's little force, which is comprised of nearly junked cars painted black. Nothing four wheel drive and despite being in the middle of desert not one lick of tan paint. While the LAV-150 is equipped with a heavy machine gun, fully capable of shredding a Camaro body at a few hundred yards with no problem, the women somehow use the smoke grenade launchers as mortars with stunning effect. (Needless to say, faced with the script, Mikal and friends lose.) The Sisters are soon inside Lord Kragg's castle/walled city, but after finding the others it looks grim, they are trapped in a room with the warlord's troops beating down the door. Only the Reverend Mother appearing as a ghostly vision, blinding the infidel males with light, and teleporting the women away can save them. (Cough.)

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Horses and synthesized music just don't go together.
  • Martin Luther King's dream was actually about light armored vehicle parts.
  • After the apocalypse rifles and bullets are very rare, but antitank weapons are plentiful.
  • Dynamite does a good job of breaking up fights.
  • Only women can develop strange mental powers after exposure to radiation.
  • Flaming arrows make whatever they touch explode.
  • Shooting the ground in front of someone will kill them.
  • U.S. nuclear silos are equipped with Soviet weapons and light armored vehicles not usually found in American military units.
  • When designing your castle, have the planners take "convenient handholds for climbing" out of the specs for the outer wall.
  • Being armed with a sword sucks when some crazed woman has an assault rifle.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 5 mins - She made a couple of rocks roll down the hill and so won the battle? What?
  • 7 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A STICK!
  • 11 mins - Seems pretty stupid having a picket fence for protection when the other guy is firing RPGs at you now doesn't it?
  • 13 mins - One of the worst "run through with a sword" scenes ever.
  • 32 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
  • 34 mins - Overslept huh?
  • 50 mins - This is a U.S. nuclear silo? Built into an unworked natural cavern and stocked with AK-47s and M-16s huh?
  • 58 mins - These two women, untrained in using the equipment, are using the smoke grenade launchers as weapons.
  • 63 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
  • 71 mins - Hey Reverend Mother, we have all been chained to the damn wall here for a few months; where the heck have you been?

Quotes: 

  • Lord Jak: "We've got a problem, that witch of yours is causing too much unrest in my camp."
    Mikal: "Relax Lord Jak, we're moving out this morning too. 'Course your men would be welcome to join us, but they're probably too scared."

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note sisterhood1.wav Mercenary: "The Sisterhood! It can't be! They were all killed or captured at the Battle of Twelve Trees. They won't get far; our men will stop them."
Green Music Note sisterhood2.wav Marya: "Stop living in dreams, no woman can travel the world without a man to defend her."
Green Music Note sisterhood3.wav Alee: "If she so chooses, she may claim the protection of the Sisterhood."
Bartender: "You bitches get out of here. You're nothing but a bunch of damn trouble! Get out of here!"
Green Music Note sisterhood4.wav Lord Jak: "Lord Kragg, I'm at your disposal, but I'm bound to warn you. There's a war wagon at your gate with three witches in it."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipsisterhood1.mpg - 2.5m
Flaming arrows make that anything explode. After watching the jeep and tent blow up I was certain that unfortunate fellow was going to as well. Oh, does anyone know why we heard a "thwok" when an arrow hit the tent?

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Comments:Write CommentPages: [1]
The Sisterhood
Reply #1. Posted on January 02, 2002, 11:47:19 PM by The Necrofile-Crocodile
Crap, but not the worst of the worst.
The Sisterhood
Reply #2. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by Fox Of Nod
never seen it but it has a V-100 Commando OMG.
I heard of 12 that are privately owned I found two for sale they run about $70,000 and their street legal
Pages: [1]
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Lesson Learned:
  • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

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