|SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWL-O-RAMA
|Copyright 1988 Titan Productions
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 7 January 2001
- Calvin - Nerd with a drinking problem, namely that one beer completely wipes him out. Plus he always falls for bad girls.
- Spider - Linnea Quigley! Bad girl who makes her living by burglarizing bowling alleys.
- Taffy and Lisa - Brinke Stevens and Michelle Bauer! Here doing what they do best, filling the camera with their naked bodies.
- Keith and Jimmie - Two nerds with identifying characteristics, the first's is a pair of thick glasses, while the second is chubby and has a baby face. They are on a normal nerd mission, seeing a woman naked. One ends up deep fried, the other decapitated.
- Babs, Rhonda, and Frankie - Sorority sisters that love torturing the young girls, they are turned into freakish she-bitches before being banished. Who knew that you could banish a demon with a bowling ball?
- The Janitor - Gruff old man with a hearing aide, he is just here to mutter colorful euphemisms. Sliced open by a she-bitch.
- The Imp - Demonic creature that is released from his imprisonment (inside a bowling trophy) by accident.
|When two sorority initiates break into a bowling alley and steal a trophy all hell breaks loose, literally. It's just an excuse for several male wet dreams really, including two girls in their panties being disciplined with a paddle, then sprayed down with dessert topping. Is there any more perfect example of a teenage boy's secret thoughts?
Taffy and Lisa want into a sorority, which involves the older girls tanning their bottoms and other character building moments. How in the world I can say "older girls" with Brinke being thirty four is beyond me, it is a strange world we live in. The nerd trio is caught peeking by Babs and find themselves reluctant participants in the initiation.
Tasked with stealing something from the local bowling alley (to prove they've been inside) the unlikely group arrives at the mall. Babs and company have secretly snuck in as well, intent on scaring the kids somehow. Thrown in, just for the heck of it, are the janitor and Spider. Linnea was apparently paid by the "F" word and made a mint.
What would you steal from a bowling alley? Something that wouldn't be missed, like a pin or ball? No way, this group decides to steal a huge gleaming trophy.
As fate would have it they drop the trophy and a clearly demonic little imp pops out. We get the obligatory "wishes with a twist" and then the creature starts killing people. Actually it is Rhonda and Frankie doing the killing, but the imp turned them into demons, so whatever. A clever screenwriter would have made the wishes come back in some way to kill the wishee. He didn't work on this script, the two girls in bad makeup take care of the dirty work.
Running gags... ...ouch, there were a couple of running gags. I wanted to run away from them. Besides the nearly deaf janitor, we have Calvin's alcohol tolerance problem. He drinks a single beer before midnight and is completely intoxicated. Hours later, just before dawn, he is still throwing up. Hey, it's funny! The nerd can't hold his liquor! He's barfing, again! *Moan*
There is something that I just have to get off my chest, besides an Andy Sidaris cliché. Prepare yourself for a revelation. Any movie with this much female nudity should be more entertaining, to me (or other heterosexual males) at least. Predominately the film is very dark, but any scene with unfettered female flesh has an abundance of illumination. You stop looking at women as sex objects and see them for what they really are, the light of the world.
Stand back, that much sarcasm can't be good for anybody.
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Sororities should hold their initiation rites on the second floor, or at least pull the curtains.
- Whipped cream takes forever to wash off.
- Some cars come with an optional halogen interior light.
- Crowbars work wonders for coin returns.
- Never stick your head in a bowling ball cleaning machine.
- Never stick your head in a vat of hot grease either.
- Mall locker rooms are not equipped with sprinkler systems.
- Container tins might not be hermetically sealed, but they will keep satanic imps from escaping.
- 7 mins - I wonder if those gardening implements have been placed on the table to make the initiates feel more comfortable.
- 10 mins - A house full of young *cough* girls and somebody leaves the back door open.
- 12 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 13 mins - Taffy's backside looks pretty normal for having been whacked with a wooden paddle.
- 34 mins - Whoa! You must be Catholic or something.
- 41 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS EXTENDED BREAST SHOT! (She is naked for the next half hour.)
- 42 mins - I think I'd be a little farther along than these two by now.
- 47 mins - Why didn't the slide lock to the rear?
- 63 mins - Okay, he is hard of hearing, we get the idea.
- 71 mins - An axe! How did our heroes miss that in their search for weapons?
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Calvin: "Look guys, sadomasochism just doesn't appeal to me." |
Jimmie: "It's naked girls!"
Calvin: "Oh, that appeals to me, yeah."
||Calvin: "...and, in order to get into the sorority, they have to steal a bowling trophy." |
Spider: "Oh naughty, that's illegal!"
||The Imp: "Take turns, there's a wish for everyone." |
Spider: "What a bunch of shit!"
The Imp: "Uncle Impy will ignore that remark, but he'll remember it."
||The Imp: "What I am doing is tormenting you. That is what imps do. Goofy!"
|Theme Song|| Listen to a clip from the soundtrack. |
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
|Here is a well framed scene, the subject material and lighting were perfect for what the director was trying to convey... ...ah, skip it. Michelle Bauer and Brinke Stevens getting paddled, enjoy.
| ||Leave a comment||EXTRAS||Buy the movie|| |