|THE SLIME PEOPLE
|Copyright 1962 Joseph F. Robertson Productions
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
- Tom Gregory - Reporter who had no idea the biggest story of the century was happening in his hometown. (I'd bet he was fired after things settled down.)
- Professor Galvin - Not only does he suck as a scientist, he also has no brain as a father. In the span of two days one daughter falls for a Marine and the other for a reporter.
- Calvin Johnson - Somebody cut this Marine's hair and keep him away from the teenage girls! He also looks like Conan O'Brien.
- Bonnie Galvin - She reminds me of a sixteen year old Gidget. (With dyed blonde hair.) Falls in love with Calvin.
- Lisa Galvin - Older of the two sisters, which means that falling for a man twice her age is ok...
- Norman Tolliver - Eccentric writer who carries a goat around, sent to the publisher clearing house by slime people.
- The Slime People - They are going to conquer the world with an amazing machine that creates a special "slime fog." All die from fresh air poisoning after the professor destroys said named machine.
|Classic b-movies seem almost regal, though sometimes regal is a syphilis laden sovereign slobbering over the decapitated remains of his last wife, just ask the British. Tom lands his small aircraft at the Los Angeles airport after barely surviving the thick fog, there he is greeted by the Galvins. Surprised by the fact that "The City of the Angels" is now "The City of the Slugs" he does not believe it at first. (What TV station gave this rube a job anyway?) Only after the discovery of a newsreel and subsequently encountering the creatures does he come around. Calvin is a true believer from the get go, having watched his Marine buddies get killed and being left for dead himself. How the heck did a disorganized group of slime people defeat the Marine Corps and Army units anyway? The things use spears for crying out loud! Oh yes, the spears, the only effective weapon against a slime person (Other than fresh air.) is a spear. You can hack them, bash them in the head with a rock, even unload a rifle into them - to no effect. Lucky for our heroes they find this out pretty early on, but they never discard their rifles. Instead the standard encounter goes like this: slime people appear, Calvin or Tom shoot at them, a scuffle ensues, the human manages to wrench the spear away and stabs the slime person with it, human looks upon the dead slime man and then (leaving the spear there) picks up his rifle and continues on. By some amazing deductive reasoning on the professor's part they decide salt is the way to defeat the slime monsters, but in the end our learned man destroys the fog making machine with what? A spear of course...|
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- The Los Angeles Airport has come a long way in forty years.
- Fog is caused by a race of slime people who have been forced from their subterranean homes by nuclear tests.
- Slime people are scared of fire extinguishers.
- Girls never said no to men's advances in the good old days.
- It's hard to take some guy seriously when he is holding a goat.
- The leading cause of breakins is authors looking for typewriters.
- Meat freezers have locks on the inside of the doors.
- Humans can see better than slime people, even in the latter's home domain of thick fog.
- 1 min - I wonder what the monsters in this look like... ...oh never mind.
- 12 mins - Why is the Army fighting the monsters hand to hand? Rifles? Bazookas? Common sense?
- 17 mins - Where the heck did that guy come from anyway?
- 19 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST AN INTERCOM!
- 34 mins - Let the Marine stay back where it is safe, great idea, I wish I was a kick ass journalist.
- 47 mins - Use salt against the bipedal slugs? Why that's genius! (Slaps forehead.)
- 52 mins - You are probably miles down the road from those two slime people who were chasing you, why are you ditching the car?
- 58 mins - Natural cave huh?
- Tom: "Now look, we've got to find their trail. Footprints, slime, anything!"
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Tom: "Professor, I know something has happened, but have you ever seen these slime people?" |
Professor: "No, not yet."
||Reporter: "The report about large, monstrous creatures roaming about the fog of our city and committing mass murder has been confirmed.
||Calvin: "Gee whiz! You know as long as you're setting here I don't even want to think about slime people."
||Professor: "We can break their wall with sodium chloride, Tom already did it!" |
Calvin: "Well what's sodium chloride?"
Professor: "Sodium chloride is table salt..."
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