|THE SOUND OF HORROR
|Copyright 1964 Zurbano Films
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 21 March 2001
- Peter - Makes his living by transporting people into the mountains in his old four wheel drive vehicle, which is a piece of crap. He has dreams though; he hopes to buy a new piece of crap someday. This guy is our hero?
- Maria - Dark-haired girl with a soft spot for men whose trucks will not start. Why she lives in Greece instead of West Virginia is beyond me.
- Asilov - The born leader kind of guy, mainly on account of being bigger than everyone else.
- Sofia - Blonde woman that is Asilov's companion, she is fairly distracting when provided with a radio.
- Andre - Maria's uncle who started this whole mess by searching for lost treasure. Spared a painful death by lacerations when the explosives bury him under several tons of rock.
- Dorman - Chubby man with a goatee, unfortunately he is one of those people who probably shouldn't wear facial hair. Spends most of the movie with an injured leg. Roasts himself and the monster alive.
- Calliope - I think she was just Andre's housekeeper, but he might have had some feelings for her. It is so hard to read a man's face when he is staring at a mangled corpse. Sliced to death by an unseen terror.
- Stravos - Responsible man, since he keeps pointing out the scientific value of their finds. I have this terrible feeling that he meant to sell the mummified Neanderthal to the highest bidder, but a close encounter with invisible death prevents his entrepreneur spirit from coming out.
- The Sound of Horror - An invisible dinosaur! Hehehehehehe!
|When the opening credits started rolling I was very afraid that the title referred to the movie's score and not some hidden meaning. We are treated to several older men, excuse me, out of shape older men running down a hill as what sounds like music from Tchaikovsky's "The Nutcracker" (the Arabian dance) fills the ears. All of you true masochists can stop scrambling for a copy of this film, this soon ends.
Fat old men running down hills while vaguely sensual music plays. Egad. If Satan ever wrote a movie plot... ...of course it would be the "extended director's cut" of fat old men running down hills while vaguely sensual music plays, but I'm getting sidetracked. Don't even think of it by the way, I'll sick Thor! on your butt so fast that your head will spin.
A small group of treasure hunters is excavating some cave in the mountains of Greece, where a rich treasure in stolen artwork is said to be hidden. Evidently they learned of it during World War II and have been searching ever since, even coming into conflict with the murderous thieves who originally stole the booty. You're going to love the scenes where they use explosives. The characters light the fuse and walk about twenty feet away, then turn around and watch the blast with no ill effects. Don't try this at home kids, you'll be wearing an eye patch and yelling, "What?" for the rest of your life.
Inadvertently they free this movie's major draw card, a vicious invisible dinosaur that quickly grows to be about the size of a grown man! Who needs a budget when you've got creativity? Forget paying for professional actors either, half of your movie is going to be the dinosaur. Hehehe!
Numerous scenes are carried by the monster. Watch in amazement as the camera slowly pans across the cave, following the phantom creature's every movement! Okay, you're going to spend a lot of time looking at empty space while the thing screeches and breathes heavy. It's really entertaining in a clinical sort of way, like seeing someone with elephantiasis of the testicles. When the dinosaur attacks it is just as impressive, the stumbling actor thrashes around before a being cruelly sliced open by a quick edit. Fairly gory in that respect, with jagged rents appearing on the victim's face and body.
The protagonists find safety at the house, of course the stupid monster helps. It ignores the opportunity to tear through multiple flimsy shutters and instead batters away at the solid oak door. Just an excuse to have everyone bracing the door as some big member of the film crew puts his shoulder into it, plus it proves the humans are more intelligent than the dinosaur.
Let me point something out: these idiots are looking for a cache worth millions of dollars that many people have already died trying to possess and not one of them has a firearm! Genius!
In an effort to kill the beast they coat a large area of ground with flour, then stand by with axes at the ready. It's a good thing that Calliope kept enough flour on hand to cover an area three meters by ten meters with an inch of the white powder. Smart people (like ones acting in a film with something resembling a budget) would have made packets of flour to throw at the monster, thus revealing it to the eye. Since that is not going to happen they just chuck their weapons at it and run inside once more.
Everyone left alive piles into the POS SUV and they make for civilization, but their adversary was cunning enough to climb on top the vehicle. What it isn't cunning enough to do is leap off when Dorman sets the truck on fire.
Is it bad? Oh yes. Is it slow? Slugs look faster in comparison at times. Is it amusing? Very, we are talking about an invisible dinosaur. Hehehehe! The premise alone gives me the giggles, not to mention a few endearing scenes. One that jumps to mind is when they are getting into the truck. Nobody grabs a weapon or even some medical supplies for Dorman, but Sofia is conspicuously carrying the never empty bottle of scotch.
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- When using dynamite in a cave you do not need to take cover or use hearing protection.
- Greeks aren't known for their dancing for a reason.
- Neanderthal warriors participated in the siege of Troy.
- In a nationwide taste test, scotch beat aspirin ten out of tent times.
- Most of the nightgowns that your grandmother wears come from Greece.
- Fathers instinctively know when someone is kissing their daughter.
- Eggshells are extremely flammable.
- Do not procrastinate when invisible dinosaurs are running around, especially little things - like shutting the freaking door! Idiot!
- It is hard to tell when a two hundred pound invisible dinosaur is sitting on top of your ragtop SUV.
- Opening Credits - Jose Martinez? That's like being named "Tom Smith" over here.
- 7 mins - You're washing your face in a bedpan!
- 23 mins - They just met and this girl is already talking about her dowry. Tick, tock, tick, tock.
- 40 mins - The treasure is priceless works of art and you're going to dynamite the seal open?
- 48 mins - How in the heck did nuclear war come up in this conversation?
- 57 mins - Looks like coffee is out of the question.
- 65 mins - Nobody shining a spotlight on that body from above, no sir.
- 70 mins - EVIDENCE OF RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A KITCHEN!
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Maria: "Out of the kitchen, now. In here you're the amateur." |
Stravos: "Well, I certainly hope that you're not trying serve us petrified eggs."
||The sound an invisible dinosaur makes.
||Maria: "And just how was he killed? This something, do you know what it was, uncle Andre?" |
Andre: "Maybe a heart attack."
Dorman: "Oh and did he slash himself when he was dying?"
||Asilov: "The sooner we leave the better." |
Dorman: "If our invisible friend out there permits it."
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
|The characters coat the ground with flour and chuck their hatchets where the tracks show up. Ignore the fact that these two are champion hatchet chuckers, check out the smooth ride on that dinosaur! You can also ignore the lack of blood, though one weapon will be found lying on the porch coated in it after the creature leaves.
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