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THE CAR - 2 Slimes
Rated PG
Copyright 1983 Palo Ato Productions Inc.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Wade - James Brolin! A tough, yet tender, southern California lawman who never wears a helmet when riding his motorcycle.
  • Luke - Alcoholic deputy who managed to stay off the sauce for two years, until this darn car made him drink again.
  • Lauren - Wade's girlfriend, she grabs men by the scrotum as a negotiating tactic. (I'm being literal here.) Tries out for the human speedbump position.
  • Chas - American Indian deputy who manages to reinforce every stereotype in the book.
  • Amos - Nasty old man who beats his wife, ends up saving the town by blowing the car sky high.
  • Everett - He certainly lived a full life before stopping like a deer in those headlights.
  • Margie - Luke's girlfriend or wife, she appears to have torpedoes in her bra.
  • Wade's Daughters - Cute little buttons who wanted Lauren to be their new mommy.
  • The Car - If Satan was going to build a street rod...

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Why the Lord of Evil would choose a small town in southern California (Read into this: desert.) to terrorize with a custom musclecar is beyond me, maybe he just does dumb things at times. The fear campaign proceeds quite well and soon the sprawling town (Population: 40 or so.) is paralyzed, even their amazing police force can't help. Why they needed ten deputies is beyond me anyway, was this place colonized by Hell's Angels or something? Even a tank would have a hard time stopping this car though, at one point it is faced with two patrol cars. Amazingly it turns and begins flipping, rolling over and squashing them before driving off. (The wonders of special effects, or maybe just having two cars and a jumble on the editing room floor.) Everyone struck by the car becomes a fatality, despite the fact that it never runs over them, instead propelling them through the air like some strange tennis ball machine that shoots humans vice tennis balls. Only Wade's ingenious plan saves the day, after luring the car into a canyon they get it to drive off a cliff and then set off dynamite charges, burying the cursed thing under a tomb of rock. There are plenty of scenes with the wheeled antagonist featured, but the movie has some annoying dead sections.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Demonic automobiles see the world through a red filter.
  • It's okay to beat a woman in California, just so long as she is your wife.
  • Falling three hundred feet onto sharp rocks will not blemish a body.
  • It is easy for a car to sneak up on someone in the open desert.
  • Kids and horses can outrun a car.
  • Never call Satan a chickenship son of a bitch.
  • Cars have gas tanks on the roof.
  • Young women would not make good speedbumps.
  • Silver, holy water, the cross, and dynamite shall be your proof against evil.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 6 mins - Why does it have a truck horn?
  • 7 mins - The car just hit the back tire on that kid's bike, he'd have gone under the car and been ground to mush, not bumped over the bridge.
  • 28 mins - What is in the weapons locker? Shotguns and a fire extinguisher of course.
  • 42 mins - True horror: watching a middle school marching band practice.
  • 45 mins - How incredibly stupid of him... ...oh well, he's trampled.
  • 46 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A DRUM!
  • 53 mins - If I didn't know better I'd say they filmed the cars doing twenty or so and then sped up the film.
  • 67 mins - Watch how Chas is driving, this must be a really winding road.
  • 70 mins - Why did the highway dead end in her backyard?
  • 93 mins - It's the Rolling Stones and they're on fire!

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note thecar1.wav Deputy: "She said there was no driver in the car."
Green Music Note thecar2.wav Lauren taunting the car.
Green Music Note thecar3.wav Wade: "Looked like he smashed through our cars like he was stomping bugs. I didn't even see a scratch on him."
Green Music Note thecar4.wav Luke: "That car flew into that house four feet off the ground! And how did he know where she lived?"

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipthecar1.mpg - 2.2m
Watch in horror as the screaming vehicle bears down on unsuspecting children! I think band practice is probably over for today.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: [1] 2 3 ... 8
The Car
Reply #1. Posted on March 23, 2000, 01:22:16 PM by Paul H.
I loved this movie when I was younger and they showed it on T.V. every three months.  It is not really scary but more eerie.  I have not seen this movie in 15 years so I might not hold up as well today.  Nevertheless, I think this movie has several things going for it and it is a all around mildly intertaining film worth watchiing on tv on a sunday when you are under the age of 15.   2.75- 3 green globs.  (is that noncommital enough for you)

A little slow but done with care.  So you have to give it some credit. It has a permanent spot in my good memories.
The Car
Reply #2. Posted on March 23, 2000, 07:56:47 PM by James Hepler
Yeah, I can remember seeing this a few times on TNT.  Personally, I thought it was good as far as killer car films go.  The whole demon car flying through the house four feet above the ground was kinda cool.  I also liked the flame mouth with the tongue thing (I believe that's what yer Rolling Stones on fire thing is about) after they crushed the car, and how the credits roll and you heard a car engine start.
The Car
Reply #3. Posted on March 24, 2000, 09:40:57 PM by Rob Heiser
Well, I was a little wary of leaving a positive comment here, but since I'm not the only one...OK, I admit it, I love this movie.  But still I knew this guilty pleasure of mine would end up here someday!  Yes, it's a silly premise - I mean, was Satan bored?  Tired of causing war & famine & possessing little girls?  Hankerin' for a Sunday drive?  Apparently, but regardless, I love this movie.  And quite frankly, I think it's aged a lot better than other, more noted, movies.  Tried to watch DUEL lately?  Yes, I know it's largely a one-man show so they're necessary, but Dennis Weaver's voiceovers are still just plain pathetic.  Or how about KILLDOZER?  Oh, please...or CHRISTINE?  Sorry, but I think it's more of a geek's wet dream than a horror movie.  Meanwhile, these guys took a really silly idea and gave it all due care and respect.  The sound effects are perfect, the cinematography very effective in making a sedan look threatening, and with the exception of the obnoxious overacting of Ronny Cox, the performances are all appropriately subdued.  And The Car itself - if the devil ever did need a ride to the airport, I'm convinced he'd climb in the back of this badass George Barris custom.  
The Car
Reply #4. Posted on March 25, 2000, 02:09:39 PM by Boz824
I saw this movie on the SciFi Channel a while back. Though the scenes where the car was actually doing something were a dose of eyecandy, I agree that there were some very long dead spots in the movie. This movie should have taken some lessonds from other movies with goofy premises such as "The Blob" and spent the entire movie showing people being chased by the antagonist. To hell with writing dialogue and developing an intricate plot, it's time for these movie makers to start realizing the strengths and weaknesses of their genre and give their fans more of the good stuff (The Pumpkinhead series springs into memory at this). I dunno.
The Car
Reply #5. Posted on March 26, 2000, 05:10:34 AM by Squishy
One of the few times I agreed with a reviewer in my local paper was when said critic pointed out that the "rules" in "The Car" are horribly flexible; for example, the demon-car can sail four feet off the ground without a ramp (when it takes out Kathleen Lloyd), but can't even attempt to take a moderately-steep incline (at the climax). It can sneak into a garage, but can't catch kids on foot. Whoof.

Favorite bit: James Brolin's character is too stupid to stand clear of a car door, but is still standing at the film's end, in spite of The Car wasting SEVERAL opportunities to run his ass over.

There are several other death-machine movies mentioned here; I'd like to add the equally bad "The Hearse" and "Wheels of Terror." This almost qualifies as its own genre!
The Car
Reply #6. Posted on March 29, 2000, 07:50:12 PM by Warren H.
In case anybody is wondering, The Car is a radically customized (1960s era) Lincoln.  It is cut down from four doors to two, has a chopped top, and (of course) the front fenders and fascia were worked over.  Given the way the big car moves, I would say it is powered by at least a 429 big block or, possibly, a 460.  (That would be the cylinder displacement for all you non-car-knowlegeable people.)
The Car
Reply #7. Posted on April 05, 2000, 03:32:23 PM by wytshark@aol.com
I have to weigh in with my own positive review here. I loved this movie as a kid--probably the best of the cheesy Jaws clones so popular at the time. And, well, call me crazy, but it still remains one of my favorite flicks. Granted, there is a lot that has to be overlooked--not the least of which is a premise that is, at best, ridiculous--but if you can forgive that (plus ignore some stiff lines and a few dry spells), what you'll find is a well put together little thriller. And I agree with the earlier reviewer who thinks The Car has aged well--especially when you see it widescreen on DVD.
The Car
Reply #8. Posted on April 20, 2000, 10:54:14 AM by ebolamonk@yahoo.com
There's something fundamentally enjoyable about any 70s B-movie, no matter how bad it is.  This is a perfect example.  By all rights, this movie should suck ass, but it rocks.  I love that car.  Wonder where I could get one...
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