Bad Movie Logo
"A website to the detriment of good film"

Custom Search
HOMEB-MOVIE REVIEWSREADER REVIEWSFORUMINTERVIEWSUPDATESABOUT


THE CHILDREN - 2 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1980 Albright Films
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 23 May 2001

The Characters:  

  • Sheriff Billy Hart - Resolute and independent man appointed to enforce the law in this remote section of New England. Maybe a little too independent, because calling the State Police barracks when you have a whole busload of kids missing would be prudent. Denied retirement when his flesh roasts off.
  • John - He lacks the fortitude required to chop up children with an axe, including his own, until he realizes two things: 1. They want to kill me. 2. College is going to be expensive by 1990.
  • Cathy - John's pregnant wife who gets my nomination for "Worst Mom in this Film," though it was a close race. Maybe apologizing to your unborn child for smoking is pointless.
  • Dr. Gould - Must be an honorary degree bestowed upon her by the townsfolk for owning the only copy of "Gray's Anatomy" in the county. She really shouldn't wear a bikini, especially after being roasted alive.
  • Molly - Owner of the town general store who does double duty as the radio dispatcher and triple duty as a charred corpse.
  • Harry - Goofy deputy who helps Billy when he is not bedding the farmer's daughter. Somebody please teach this deputy about statutory rape (I think she was supposed to be that young). Oops, hold that thought, he dies.
  • The Shore Family, Leslie, Fred, Susie, and others - Fried, fried, fried, fried, and fried!
  • The Children - Turned into killing monsters by a cloud of gas that escaped from a nearby nuclear plant. Sent back to the hell that spawned them by Billy and John's grisly efforts.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

When workers at the local nuclear plant decide the local bar just won't wait, even if some gauges are being wacky, we know bad things are going to happen. Hoodlums are going to set off yellow smoke grenades! No, that's not right. Leaking pipes are going to release some sort of strange gas into the air! That's the ticket! Anyway, this brightly colored blanket of noxious fumes somehow escapes the notice of any neighbors before moving on.

The cloud of gas is carried along by brisk winds and just happens to engulf a bus bringing schoolchildren home in Ravensback. Sheriff Hart finds the empty bus, still running, but neither the driver nor passengers are in sight. He then begins nonchalantly driving around and asking people if they have seen anything. Pretty odd reaction, you would think he might get on the radio right away. Be advised that the radios are largely forgotten by any of the characters during this film. Do not make the mistake of thinking that he is looking for a Dunkin' Donuts either. Billy could lose a couple pounds and still outweigh me, but that bulk is undoubtedly cornbread, dumplings, and mutton.

Arriving at the town general store, our unflappable lawman deputizes two of the least responsible people available. Hank and Frank drive out to the Interstate and set up a roadblock, then start passing around a bottle of hooch. An obvious good judgment call by the sheriff there. He turns a blind eye to several indiscretions while driving around though, whether it be Mrs. Shore toking on a joint while they talk or poached fowl being sold to Molly.

Indifference must be contagious, because none of the yokels have noticed that their kids are several hours late in returning from school. Hard to swallow at the least. Come to think of it, we're already choking on the fact that all the phones are out. Better hurry up and get the appetizer down, I've another whole plateful coming.

Ravensback's children have been turned into deadly killers by the contaminated cloud! With wane complexions and black fingernails they are seeking out and killing anyone they can find. Mere contact with those soiled hands causes flesh to crisp and peel away from the body! Unfortunately we all know what adults do upon finding a lost child; they sweep them into a reassuring hug. In this case that means agonizing death as third degree burns cover every inch of the victim's body. Luckily being broiled does not affect clothing, even something flammable like polyester. The next owner might have a big dry cleaning bill on their hands, but your leisure suit will be un-scorched (just remember to take it off before going in the sauna).

Along with devilish powers of molecular agitation, the cute little youngsters gained invulnerability to most physical harm. Sheriff Hart saves John's life (although he will not be using that hand any time soon), but is horrified when the monsters keep coming despite his blazing pistol. Fortune shines upon our helpless adults when Billy grabs a replica samurai sword from the wall and chops off one child's hands, killing it instantly.

Okay, sure. The wild card mutation gave them the power to incinerate flesh and moved all their vital organs to an extremity. Armed with hacking instruments, the two men go out to the barn (for some reason the kids congregated out there) and chop off all the children's hands. Isaac Hayes is nowhere in sight.

The acting was not awful, but a few times I wanted to stuff one of the offending thespians into a car trunk. Most of the cars in the movie were enormous, so several actors could probably fit in the sheriff's alone. Mainly you should watch it for the sheer ludicrous premise. Two grown men chopping off children's hands! Were you not Catholic that would still be something to use a confessional for.

PS: If you didn't see the "Gotcha" ending coming then you need a stick and canine companion.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Nuclear power plant's safety and maintenance crews are comprised of rednecks; two of them.
  • Finding an empty school bus, apparently abandoned in a hurry, will not worry a police officer.
  • Being a good parent involves codeine.
  • There are times when hugging your kid is the wrong thing to do.
  • Shooting a broiled dog is just as effective, if not more so, than beating a dead horse.
  • Playing tag with a mutant is a game of life and death.
  • Kids come apart easier than boiled chicken.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 1 min - And the scaffolding carries the scene.
  • 6 mins - You bunch of little suck-ups!
  • 21 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
  • 30 mins - Go around her. What is so difficult about this simple solution to your traffic problem?
  • 39 mins - It must get dark really fast where they live.
  • 51 mins - Billy has to be three or four times her weight. Granted, she can burn him to a cinder, but he doesn't know that yet.
  • 69 mins - Oh sure, it'll go away eventually. What do you think this is? Chickenpox?
  • 74 mins - Is the person in charge of lighting on strike? Pay the man his wages so that we can all see the movie.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note thechildren1.wav Harry: "Molly, come in."
Molly: "Yeah Harry?"
Harry: "I found the kids!"
Molly: "Thank the Lord! Are they all right?"
Harry: "They look scared is all."
Green Music Note thechildren2.wav John: "Billy, when you fired, did you hit that kid?"
Billy: "Yeah, I couldn't have missed him."
John: "You must've."
Billy: "I don't see how!"
Green Music Note thechildren3.wav Cathy: "The children! Have you both gone mad? He was shooting the children!"
Green Music Note thechildren4.wav Billy: "Bullets have no effect on them. John, we've got to cut off their hands! That's where they're vulnerable!"

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

ImageImageImage
ImageImageImage
Image


 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipthechildren1.mpg - 2.5m
Kids always burn the first few meals they try to prepare. Mom was supposed to be cooked at four hundred for sixty minutes, then baste again and add the remainder to the pan.

Aww forget it. Ouch. Ouch I say!

 Leave a commentEXTRASBuy the movie 

Share It!Buy the movieIMDB Logo
Stumble This ReviewStumble This Review
Digg This ReviewDigg This Review
Buy it from Amazon.com (United States)

Buy it from Movies Unlimited (United States)

Internet Movie Database


Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 [2] 3 4 5
The Children
Reply #9. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by JCM
This movie scared the royal bejeebers out of me when I was a kid.  I think it was because I never saw the whole roasted-alive thing coming.  I figured at worst the little brats pull out a butcher knife or something.  That and the child in the dress just has the most freaky "I'm enjoying your death immensely" look on her face.  Anyhow, I'm glad to know I wasn't the only one who saw this movie.  Whenever I mention it to my friends, like bdcham@hotmail.com I get reactions like "Oh, you mean Children of the Corn?"  Great stuff.  I wonder what ever happened to the kids.  Nothing about any further film careers on IMDB.
The Children
Reply #10. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Ric
This movie scared the s**t out of me when I was a kid, I could not sleep alone for an entire summer, after this.  Yet I am so compeled to watch this as many times as I can.  It is campy, low budget, and seminally effective in it's subtle approach. (even the movie poster is creepy).  Maybe one day we will see a DVD release with some behind the bad lighting footage, or where are they now stuff.   Another gem from 1980 is The Burning.  I recommend both.
The Children
Reply #11. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by BC
It's good to know that I wasn't the only kid scared to death of this flick!  This one messed me up bad... this and Dawn of the Dead.  It also p**sed me off that nobody else knew what I was talking about, nobody seemed to know of this damn movie for years.  "Oh, you mean Children of the Corn???" they would say... hell no, this was worse. (But that one scared me, too)

Years later I was lucky enough to have someone from the internet dub me a copy.  I made my wife watch it and she thought it was cheesy.  I guess it kind of was after being grown up and looking at it again, but I was still afraid anyway.  In fact, I'm going to watch it tomorrow (it's been 5 years since I watched it last).  

PS: it looks like Amazon.com has it for $10 now... cool.
The Children
Reply #12. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by bloodcult
Amazing. You know, you think your'e the only person who sees these movies, huh? I saw The Children several times when I was a kid and I found it pretty damn creepy. The fingernails perhaps?
Anyway it was my mom who picked this little gem up for us to watch, and it's something we all still remeber fondly. I think it creeped my mom out the most (no wonder). Anyhoo, this is highly reccomended - and so is Don't Look In The Basement - another one  my mom got for us as kids. Gawd bless 'er.
The Children
Reply #13. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Downtown
This movie freaked me out as a kid. I watched it with my mom, she was into all these scary movies. I never remembered the name of the movie, when I did a search, I typed in the things I remembered, toxic cloud, black fingernails, 80's movie. Sure enough I got this site. Thank God there are others out there, I've only met one other person who knew about this movie, and they did not remember the name either! Just the black fingernails....thanks guys.
The Children
Reply #14. Posted on August 29, 2002, 06:59:05 AM by Rick
This is my favourite film of all time and i am not ashamed to admit it.I have been searching for a copy for 8 years because in the uk it is very rare and luckily i found it on ebay.com and won the auction.I think It is very scary the first time you see it I had nightmares for days but once you have seen it 5 or 6 times it doesnt seem scary but it is brilliant I have a large collection of videos all rare well most and this is my favourite.
The Children
Reply #15. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Kisha
I believe that we are all talking about the same movie. If so thanks for helping me with the name. I know that I saw this movie when I was younger on what was called " The Movie Loft" with Dana Hershey. I don't know if you all remember that. Anyways, all I could remember was the childrens' hands were held out to their grandmother for a hug and the children had black fingernails and if they touched you they died. The night that I was watching this they went to commecial after that scene. That was stuck in my memory for years until now. Thanks
The Children
Reply #16. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by James Perry
Ditto on the freaked-out-as-a-kid with this flick!  But now it just looks funny.  They need to rake these things to DVD for laughs!  We'd buy em!  
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5
 Share on Facebook
RSS Feed Subscribe Subscribe by RSS
Email Subscribe Subscribe by Email


Recommended Articles
How To Find A Bad Movie

The Champions of Justice

Plan 9 from Outer Space

Manos, The Hands of Fate

Podcast: Todd the Convenience Store Clerk

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

The Human Tornado

Maniac

The Educational Archives: Driver's Ed

Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

Do you have a zombie plan?

FROM THE BADMOVIES.ORG ARCHIVES
ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

Lesson Learned:
  • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

Subscribe to Badmovies.org and get updates by email:

HOME B-Movie Reviews Reader Reviews Forum Interviews TV Shows Advertising Information Sideshows Links Contact
Badmovies.org is owned and operated by Andrew Borntreger. All original content is © 1998 - 2014 by its respective author(s). Image, video, and audio files are used in accordance with Fair Use, and are property of the film copyright holders. You may freely link to any page (.html or .php) on this website, but reproduction in any other form must be authorized by the copyright holder.