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Rated PG
Copyright 1979 Vortex Productions
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Jenny - Cute little girl who isn't scared of water and lights operating on their own.
  • Beth - Jenny's mother, any nudity on her part would have improved this movie.
  • Grant - The grandfather, he wears this weird "Jedi Bathrobe" outfit.
  • Ana - Grandma, and that's about it.
  • Steve - Ratty-haired kid, always referring to Grant as dad but I have no idea what's up with him.
  • Richard - Beth's husband, he spends most of the film just getting there.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Not only does this movie throw more bad special effects at you than a Battlestar Galactica episode it also has less plot. Cosmic events rip the fabric of time and space, which only affects a small area of desert in Southwest America... ...but that's not important. What is important is a senseless parade of special effects, stop motion dinosaurs, little green men, the vacuum cleaner of doom (VCOD), and lights turning on and off. Finally the characters of "Lost in this Movie" are taken in by an advanced alien civilization so the pain can end. I'm not going to say any more about this mess of a film.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Super Novas in galaxys hundreds of light years away cause earthquakes here.
  • Kids will sit there and speak with green glowing pyramids.
  • Sixty year-old women should not tell us they're "turned on."
  • Upon seeing smoke and light coming from under a door nobody thinks about fire.
  • Clay dinosaurs shouldn't pop out of nowhere.
  • Dinosaurs knock on doors.
  • Special effects always go for man-made structures, stay away from your house or car.
  • You can make a movie by throwing together special effects. Hey Earl you do the "flashy things" right? And Mick you've got "green glow" under control?

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 6 mins - Charles Band Producer? Oh no!
  • 10 mins - Occured "several hundred years ago."
  • 21 mins - Now it's a little green pyramid?
  • 39 mins - Occured "200 years ago."
  • 46 mins - Now that is a pissed off vacuum cleaner.
  • 60 mins - Tromp, tramp, tromp. Only field of flowers in the whole desert and you go walking on them, jerk...
  • 74 mins - Who the heck thought up this "Happy Ending, Everyone Together" (HEET) scene?
  • Ending Credits - Just look at those names repeat.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

Green Music Note timeended1.wav Grant (distorted): "When I was out among you I always believed, as you did, that time exists in a sequential pattern. One day following another, one year after another, each century following the previous one - but it's not like that at all!"
Green Music Note timeended2.wav Clay dinosaur roaring.
Green Music Note timeended3.wav Grant: "Steve you know what this is don't you? It's a time-space warp!"
Green Music Note timeended4.wav Beth: "I felt a communication, a series of images after which I knew what was happening to us and I knew our fear was unnecessary."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 



 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Cliptimeended1.mpg - 2.4m
The vacuum cleaner of doom!

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