|THE TOXIC AVENGER
|Not Rated (There is an R version. Do not waste your time.)
|Copyright 1985 Troma Films
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
- Toxie - Previously Melvin, the nerdy janitor of Tromaville's health club. After taking a dive into toxic waste he becomes a misshapen monster.
- Sara - Blind girl who can see past gross deformities and loves the real Toxie.
- Mayor Belgoody - Corrupt politician, gets to see what his own liver looks like.
- Bozo - Stressed out jerk, leader of the gang which chased Melvin out the window. Flame roasted in a car wreck.
- Julie - Bozo's girlfriend, she has some nice knockers, but talk about air head tart...
- Slug and Wanda - The other part of Bozo's gang.
- Chief Himmel - Head of the police, he has some Nazi issues.
- Officer O'Clancy - Irish cop, one of the few good guys.
- Nipples, Knuckles, Cigar Face, Leroy, Rico, and "Freak" - Horde of goofy criminals destined to die in gory and inventive ways.
|Lovely Tromaville, land of hazardous waste and nerdy janitors. Nerdy until they leap from second story windows and land in a drum of toxic waste. (They go together, they just don't GO together - remember back to your high school dating scene, you'll understand.) And so Melvin became the Toxic Avenger, a horribly deformed monster driven to destroy evil. Destroy is an especially apt term, he rips off arms (Then beats people with them.), crushes heads, and jams a mop into the skull of each vanquished criminal. Oh, he falls in love too! With a beautiful, bountiful, blonde, blind, bimbo named Sara. She's cute enough, unfortunately if there's one place she's going to put that cane it's into the closest man's crotch. Lucky for us that ends up being Toxie most of the time, nuclear gonads are nigh invulnerable to whacking. (Going to annoy the Catholic Church with that last quote.) The monster previously known as Melvin has another score to settle, with the jerks responsible for his condition. Bozo and pals enjoy running down people with the car. It's the good old points system, so much for an old lady, so much for a kid, you know the joke. By the way, bike helmets don't help much when somebody really wants you churned into road mush. Melvin's worst enemy is the corrupt mayor and his pack of faithful cronies, he's worried about the "Monster Hero" coming after him. So he manipulates facts, forcing the Governor to call out the National Guard. With a ring of tanks and soldiers surrounding him it's only the kind hearts of Tromaville's citizens which save Toxie, even after he disembowels the mayor. (That was a big man, lots of guts.)|
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- A kid riding a bike is worth 28 points.
- Jack Daniels looks like fruit punch. (Blasphemy!)
- Health clubs were the social centers of the 80s.
- Radioactive waste is green and constantly bubbles.
- You don't want a radioactive mutant using your nuts as a speed bag.
- Fast food restaurants have real samurai swords on the wall.
- Never sit on sauna rocks.
- Mutants give off steam when aroused.
- Blind people own at least fifty canes.
- The same gas tank design was used in Datsuns and Pintos.
- Men shouldn't wear pink sports coats.
- Once your liver is out, it's out, no easy way to stuff it back in.
- 8 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A KID ON A BIKE!
- 9 mins - You are some really sick people...
- 21 mins - Hmmm, public domain song.
- 34 mins - Don't be a hero, this is a Troma film! Too late.
- 40 mins - Hardened criminal sundae.
- 41 mins - Ouch! (Cane to the testicles.)
- 58 mins - Jeez woman, shut up!
- 59 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST AN OLD LADY!
- 64 mins - Any reason you're dry cleaning that woman?
- 71 mins - What sort of bloodhounds are these, Akita/German Shepherds?
- 73 mins - Nice blue tshirt under your camouflage there.
- Narrator: "So Melvin the monster hero rid Tromaville of all of it's evil, so the good citizens could live their lives in peace and happiness."
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Bozo: "He is screwing up my karma, AHHHHHHHH!"
||Chief Himmel: "He must still be in shock. All he does is sit around all day babbling about some seven foot monster."
||Toxie: "I'm really the monster hero you've heard about, and every day I go out and I mash people! I tear them apart, and I can't stop!"
||Reporter: "What is your administration's stand in regards to this alleged monster? Is he a menace or a miracle?"
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
|Toxie takes on some criminals in this scene. Why did the one guy's arm rip off, rather than him being flipped over the superjanitor? One thing is certain, I'm not doing the "pull my finger" trick anymore.
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