|Copyright 2000 Tana2000
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
- Christopher - Newest addition to a private bible school, he quickly learns that strange things are afoot.
- Rusty - Muscled, but devout young student. Turned into a doll.
- Billy - Class smart ass and not even the amusing sort, he is just annoying.
- Mike - How he made it to adulthood like this is beyond me, being a tattletale in college of all things. Turned into a doll.
- Sam - The voice of reason among the students.
- Paul - I don't know, he doesn't talk much. He ends up as a doll as well.
- Reverend Carmichael - He started a new religion, just try to imagine every quirky spiritual belief from California sprinkled with a healthy dose of Catholicism. Turned into a doll.
- Mrs. Bouvier - Financier of the Carmichael Bible College who has much darker goals than you would expect. Turned into a doll.
|Early in the film we watch what appears to be a seduction, some woman in a lacy outfit playing with her boy toy. Things look promising, but looks can be very deceiving. Shortly we embark on what the movie is actually about: young men in whitie-tighties (note: I'm winging the spelling, this one is not in the dictionary, but you know what I mean).
Okay, granted that they are wearing white boxer briefs, not the plain white briefs often referred to as "whitie-tighties."
Mrs. Bouvier and the Reverend have lured these innocent souls to their facility with one goal in mind, transform them into living voodoo dolls (think of a man's head on a straw body) for presentation to a dark power. After six such sacrifices the power will grant them an unstoppable army of the dead.
Sounds like a cool basis for a movie doesn't it? Sure it does. I now remind you, that is not what this movie is about. This movie is about young men in whitie-tighties.
Prepare to spend a lot of time watching people talk to each other, normally this is called "character development." Well, a total of nine people appear in this movie and after watching it twice I can only identify half. It goes without saying that we wasted a lot of time talking.
Finally Christopher catches on to the evil plan, though his classmates' brains are addled by the cursed wine and they don't believe him. Will Chris be able to stop the gratuitous underwear party and save the day? Of course, plus there is even a strange little homage to "The Wizard of Oz" near the end.
I didn't need to watch thirty minutes of young men, wearing only white boxer briefs, rubbing themselves. As a heterosexual male that just doesn't do it for me, though (obviously) others may have a different view of the material. Before you get up in arms about me labeling the film as homosexual erotica bear the following in mind: men touching themselves may not be innately gay behavior, but what about making it one quarter of your film?
Overall the camera work is not bad, though some scenes are very badly lit, so much that the film starts to look grainy. Candles were used for atmosphere, which is fine, you just have to add ambient light to avoid exactly what happened. What killed this film for me was all the talking and all the damn scenes of guys touching themselves. Would I have enjoyed the movie more if it was an all girls school? Sure, that is the way I'm wired.
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- White socks do not go with dress slacks.
- God wants you to be Pat Boone.
- The Eleventh Commandment is "Thou shalt not lift weights."
- Young men often hang out in the bathroom, just talking in their towels (or less).
- All young men sleep in white boxer briefs and socks.
- Religion should not include rubber gloves.
- Popcorn kernels are an important part of voodoo rituals.
- Confessionals are an interactive experience.
- Washrooms are impregnable prisons.
- Crosses can be used as lock picks.
- 3 mins - Nooooo! Guy in white underwear!
- 12 mins - Black miniskirt suit, black hose, and a black choker. Your standard church mouse...
- 27 mins - Star Trek meets Catholicism.
- 40 mins - Little frozen corn on the cobs, mashed potatoes, fried chicken, and biscuits. Kentucky Fried Chicken! I bet they really ate this after the shoot was over.
- 44 mins - Nooooo! Guys in white underwear touching themselves!
- 51 mins - No, not again. Cut that out!
- 60 mins - These people must spend a fortune on candles.
- 66 mins - He owned a set of camouflage pants?
- 70 mins - Stop touching yourself! One thousand Hail Marys, now get out!
- 76 mins - Why didn't this one require a ritual? Is water a catalyst?
- 78 mins - Nooooo! Nooooo! Why? Why me?
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Bouvier: "The Carmichael Bible College is an experimental facility and we're still trying to work out the kinks, so to speak."
||Billy: "Sad, but true, we're all Pat Boone clones around here."
||Billy: "Come on, the word shit is not blasphemy. For Christ's sake!" |
Mike: "Well I tried; if you get tossed it's on you."
||Chris: "No, I'm not going to calm down all right? Something's going down here and I don't know what it is. Last night all five of you guys were tossing and turning and then Rusty got up and walked away in his underwear."
|Theme Song|| Listen to a clip from the soundtrack. |
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
|When Paul suddenly finds himself doused with wine and glowing like a Christmas tree we get one more chance to see a young man in a tub. Oh goody.
| ||Leave a comment||EXTRAS||Buy the movie|| |
Reply #17. Posted on August 20, 2001, 08:30:57 PM by Heather
Your review was the funniest thing I ever heard in my life. It was really funny.*tighy whites* *lol!* Ok Im acting stupid but it was really funny and Im going to rent the video when I get a chance.Only because Riley is in it.Anyways keep it up.I Love Riley!!
Reply #18. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Ryan
No offense but i don't think your giving the movie enough credit. I think the movie's director is quite a visionary, he's camera angles in a way sometimes remind me of Kubrick movie. The VHS is BAD -- you can certainly tell that much of the scenes are cut down -- The DVD is much better -- showing full scenes and not just a montage of clips as the VHS did. As for the movie being homoerotic -- I see what you mean -- but i think you simply are writing reviews to prove you a REAL MAN -- instead of writing reviews to tell about a movie -- if you didn't like the movie -- say why -- but don't give us a petty excuse that your straight and couldn't watch it -- I'm straight an enjoyed the movie -- i laughed through alot of it -- I have seen much worse things go on at male sleepovers -- don't tell me you don't know what I mean -- men (straight men) CAN handle this movie without getting grossed out. Gay men -- it will be eye candy -- but i enjoyed the movie and think you focused to much on YOUR sexuality than the film.
Reply #19. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Norton Drake
Absolutely the best softcore gay porn to sneak in under the radar masquerading as a straight-to-video horror movie.
Major praise is due to the guys who were brave enough to finally come out - and I DO mean come out - to do this, from the director, the cast and crew, and the editor at Full Moon Entertainment who let the director's cut DVD be what it should be.
Straights can enjoy this as hilariously bad gross out filmmaking, but they'd be missing the point of this deliciously subversive video in which the cast seems to be having as much fun as the people who "get" this movie. Even the movie's token female is used to good effect.
Outstandingly cheesy homoerotic camp thumbing its nose at the predictable conventions of horror/slasher movies - that's what this movie is all about.
Count me in for VOODOO ACADEMY II: THE NEW PRIEST.
Reply #20. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Uh huh
You'd think some straight guys would be able to handle something very, VERY subtely homoerotic when compared to the out-and-out lesbianism of movies such as Hybrid and Vampyres.
There wasnt even a gay kiss in here for gosh sakes!
Oh well. I still enjoyed it for what it was.
Reply #21. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Alan
I'm a gay man and I found this movie unbearably boring to watch. The acting was terrible, the guys may have been cute and sexy but that is not enough. Sometimes it is for me, but NOT HERE. The movie is like a bad porno without the sex - only the boring scenes leading... nowhere.
Reply #22. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Jay
Oh my god. this was the worst movie i've ever seen. it was like one of those 'hot singles' from Blockbuster... it bordered on softcore. i thought they were going to bust out on full guy-on-guy action in the bathroom scene. there were so many homo moments in this film, it was amazing. this is definitely a movie for gay guys and their hags who aren't confident enough to grab some real porn. i found myself laughing out loud about how cheesy the whole thing was. The dialogue, the set, the quality of the film. The master for the DVD must have been some old video casette.
Reply #23. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by I hate DeCoteau
This is another David DeCoteau's movie. Don't worry, this is really normal if you see alot (see, too much) of gay action scene in underwear. This Director is Gay and started his career in gay porn movie (yak!). Just look on imdb for fun and watch his rating on his movies. They are all bads. His only "good rated" movie, its a gay drama about gay (specify that is funnier) popular in gay communauty. So, try to find his other movies, this is hilarous to see how a bad gay, disgust director can make bad movies after bad after bad....
Reply #24. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by tien'kou
I liked this movie; no it is not a great movie, but that is because DeCoute admits to rewriting parts of the script as the movie was being filmed. He also stated it had to be done in a week's time so many special effect were left out. And if I can sit through 90 minutes of some lame girl running from an oversided demented whatsit; you str8 boys just need to let you girls enjoy themselves with this movie.
I think the grinding scenes are hot, especially if you change the sound options.
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