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WATCHERS - 2 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1983 Canadian Entertainment Investors #2.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Travis - Corey Haim! Voted "Canadian kid with the biggest hair."
  • Furface - Genetically engineered golden retriever with super intelligence.
  • Agent Johnson - Michael Ironsides! Highly trained government agent tasked with capturing Furface and the OXCOM.
  • Nora - Travis' mom and um... ...nevermind, leave it at that.
  • Sheriff Gaines - Barely literate law enforcement, killed by Johnson for nearly learning the truth.
  • Deputy Porter - Manly woman who believes in Sasquatch, mutilated by the OXCOM.
  • Hockney - Local handyman who takes care of Nora's appliances, he'd like to service a whole lot more. Unfortunately you can't kiss a girl after something rips your head off.
  • Cliff - The other government agent, develops a bad case of morals and Johnson shoots him for it.
  • OXCOM - Genetic freak created by the government, it appears to be a very large and hateful orangutan.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Corey Haim, a dog, Dean Koontz, Michael Ironsides, and a really mean orangutan come bounding out of Canada in this horrid little piece. One of these days we're going to get tired of your shit Canucks, then it's all over... ...anyway, the film isn't THAT bad actually.

Somewhere a secret government project is underway; a genetic experiment to create the ultimate warriors. Using special dogs as homing beacons, the OXCOMs will kill every human around the pooch. It's the old, "Hi how're you doing, I'm a dog, feed me, pet me, say hello to death in a monkey suit." trick, too bad it wouldn't work in Vietnam. One little problem, the OXCOMs hate the canines for some reason - killing the dogs whenever possible. (Oops!)

The lab is sabotaged by some other government and only two of the experimental animals survive, Furface and OXCOM 7. So all the sudden Corey Haim has a golden retriever in the back of his pickup. He takes the animal home and makes love to it. Okay, okay, that didn't happen, but you still have to admit he shouldn't have been in bed with it like that.

Along with the OXCOM killing people at random there are other problems: agent Johnson and the government. Faced with impossible odds the young man takes the only avenue of escape open: flee to a wilderness cabin and bust out some serious A-Team stuff. (His dad was in the Special Forces.) Molotov cocktails, motion sensors, a bayonet strapped to his ankle, and this crazy fragmentation device are only a few of the treats. Against his animal cunning the ultimate biological weapon and trained government killers are no match. Corey saves mom, his girlfriend, and the dog.

How was the monster supposed to defeat armies when one kid with a lever action rifle does the trick? Well, it does nearly kill the inexperienced lad by using an extremely convincing "I'm dead now, turn your back." act.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Dogs are naturally fire resistant.
  • Genetically engineered monsters have deviated septums.
  • Dogs love trucks! (Hehehe!)
  • VHS tapes are highly flammable.
  • Dogs can't type.
  • Gorilla monsters hate bicycles.
  • Deputies are excellent conductors of electricity.
  • Golden Retrievers don't bounce.
  • During the sexual discovery years of puberty a boy shouldn't be sleeping naked with a dog.
  • Corey Haim is MacGuyver's illegitimate son.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 2 mins - Based on a novel and produced by Roger Corman, this is going to be loads of fun.
  • 29 mins - A dog IQ test?
  • 30 mins - Those are brand new boots the nasty backwoods guy is wearing.
  • 46 mins - What, does this thing hate teddy bears too? What if we didn't read the book, could you explain that plot point? Helloooooo?
  • 50 mins - Stop running and shoot the darn thing.
  • 65 mins - Dude is a freak!
  • 81 mins - Goodbye Cliff.
  • 82 mins - Of all the stupid plot points...
  • 83 mins - Quite a manly scream there Corey.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

Green Music Note watchers1.wav Agent Johnson: "Remember I told you there were three biological experiments at (unintelligible): the OXCOM, the dog, and their best's me, Cliff. I'm their third experiment!"
Green Music Note watchers2.wav Gaines: "Porter when you gonna grow up? There ain't no Tooth Fairy, there ain't no Santa Claus, and there ain't no Sasquatch."
Porter: "Well why would a Grizzly rip a man's eyes out?"
Green Music Note watchers3.wav Travis: "Now I got big problems. I mean stuff that dogs don't understand."
Green Music Note watchers4.wav Gaines: "Well why doesn't somebody reason with it? Can't you control it? It's gotta be stopped."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 



 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipwatchers1.mpg - 2.1m
Monsters hate Jason Priestly on a bike.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: [1] 2 3
Reply #1. Posted on April 01, 1999, 05:48:41 PM by Blazinsun
Yeah I saw this film on usa or sci-fi. It was around I think 5-6 months back. I kinda like this myself! That i've seen to many films that look like it was evolving around tha same type of plot and had tha same monster look a like.
If I was grading this I say I would give this 6/10

Thats all... I have to go watch the 'Thing (from another world)'.
Peace, Blazin
Reply #2. Posted on April 05, 1999, 11:11:21 PM by Jenn
I've read the book...  I never even knew there was a movie.  Your review doesn't sound too much like what happened in the book, except the OXCOM trying to kill the retriever, and kills a lot of people.  Wasn't the OXCOM supposed to be a dog as well, not a monkey??
Reply #3. Posted on April 06, 1999, 05:01:03 AM by
this movies is not looking good
Reply #4. Posted on June 10, 1999, 02:58:09 AM by STPezatcha
After reading the book, and watching the movie..I can just say that I have a sudden urge to stick a spoon deep into my brain and just suffer......but it was great to make fun of...
PS LALA isn't the dog
Reply #5. Posted on July 20, 1999, 02:49:29 PM by
This was low
Reply #6. Posted on April 27, 2000, 10:54:55 AM by
Okay, as a fan of cheesy monster flicks, especially those made by Roger Corman, I love Watchers.  The second and third ones are also great movies.  The fourth one blow ass, though.  The Outsider (that's what the monster's called, by the way.  I know the technical term is OXCOM, but every one in the movie and the books, even the lab guys, refer to it as the Outsider) is cool, but the actual movie built around it is awful.  But for anyone who loves a good low-budget monster flick, check out Watchers 1-3.  All excellent films.  And did anyone notice that the creature from The Terror Within (another mid-eighties Corman flick) looks just like the Outsider with no fur?
Reply #7. Posted on May 27, 2000, 12:09:59 AM by Richard Pulfer
This is actually very good . . . as a book by Dean Koontz that is. The book had the dog, his master, a disturbed man and an neorotic woman facing of against a killer(not an orange monster) and G-men. And there were no kids involved.
Reply #8. Posted on October 02, 2000, 09:25:29 PM by dennis
I have seen numerous movies that  have taken a Koontz novel, and this one was one of my favorites, and turn it in to total s**t...I have never seen a movie more removed from the spirit of a book than this one, but then of course there is that other koontz novel they butchered with jeff goldbaum and alicia silverstone, enough said
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