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WATCHERS - 2 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1983 Canadian Entertainment Investors #2.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Travis - Corey Haim! Voted "Canadian kid with the biggest hair."
  • Furface - Genetically engineered golden retriever with super intelligence.
  • Agent Johnson - Michael Ironsides! Highly trained government agent tasked with capturing Furface and the OXCOM.
  • Nora - Travis' mom and um... ...nevermind, leave it at that.
  • Sheriff Gaines - Barely literate law enforcement, killed by Johnson for nearly learning the truth.
  • Deputy Porter - Manly woman who believes in Sasquatch, mutilated by the OXCOM.
  • Hockney - Local handyman who takes care of Nora's appliances, he'd like to service a whole lot more. Unfortunately you can't kiss a girl after something rips your head off.
  • Cliff - The other government agent, develops a bad case of morals and Johnson shoots him for it.
  • OXCOM - Genetic freak created by the government, it appears to be a very large and hateful orangutan.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Corey Haim, a dog, Dean Koontz, Michael Ironsides, and a really mean orangutan come bounding out of Canada in this horrid little piece. One of these days we're going to get tired of your shit Canucks, then it's all over... ...anyway, the film isn't THAT bad actually.

Somewhere a secret government project is underway; a genetic experiment to create the ultimate warriors. Using special dogs as homing beacons, the OXCOMs will kill every human around the pooch. It's the old, "Hi how're you doing, I'm a dog, feed me, pet me, say hello to death in a monkey suit." trick, too bad it wouldn't work in Vietnam. One little problem, the OXCOMs hate the canines for some reason - killing the dogs whenever possible. (Oops!)

The lab is sabotaged by some other government and only two of the experimental animals survive, Furface and OXCOM 7. So all the sudden Corey Haim has a golden retriever in the back of his pickup. He takes the animal home and makes love to it. Okay, okay, that didn't happen, but you still have to admit he shouldn't have been in bed with it like that.

Along with the OXCOM killing people at random there are other problems: agent Johnson and the government. Faced with impossible odds the young man takes the only avenue of escape open: flee to a wilderness cabin and bust out some serious A-Team stuff. (His dad was in the Special Forces.) Molotov cocktails, motion sensors, a bayonet strapped to his ankle, and this crazy fragmentation device are only a few of the treats. Against his animal cunning the ultimate biological weapon and trained government killers are no match. Corey saves mom, his girlfriend, and the dog.

How was the monster supposed to defeat armies when one kid with a lever action rifle does the trick? Well, it does nearly kill the inexperienced lad by using an extremely convincing "I'm dead now, turn your back." act.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Dogs are naturally fire resistant.
  • Genetically engineered monsters have deviated septums.
  • Dogs love trucks! (Hehehe!)
  • VHS tapes are highly flammable.
  • Dogs can't type.
  • Gorilla monsters hate bicycles.
  • Deputies are excellent conductors of electricity.
  • Golden Retrievers don't bounce.
  • During the sexual discovery years of puberty a boy shouldn't be sleeping naked with a dog.
  • Corey Haim is MacGuyver's illegitimate son.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 2 mins - Based on a novel and produced by Roger Corman, this is going to be loads of fun.
  • 3 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A MODEL BUILDING!
  • 29 mins - A dog IQ test?
  • 30 mins - Those are brand new boots the nasty backwoods guy is wearing.
  • 46 mins - What, does this thing hate teddy bears too? What if we didn't read the book, could you explain that plot point? Helloooooo?
  • 50 mins - Stop running and shoot the darn thing.
  • 65 mins - Dude is a freak!
  • 81 mins - Goodbye Cliff.
  • 82 mins - Of all the stupid plot points...
  • 83 mins - Quite a manly scream there Corey.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note watchers1.wav Agent Johnson: "Remember I told you there were three biological experiments at (unintelligible): the OXCOM, the dog, and their best animal...it's me, Cliff. I'm their third experiment!"
Green Music Note watchers2.wav Gaines: "Porter when you gonna grow up? There ain't no Tooth Fairy, there ain't no Santa Claus, and there ain't no Sasquatch."
Porter: "Well why would a Grizzly rip a man's eyes out?"
Green Music Note watchers3.wav Travis: "Now I got big problems. I mean stuff that dogs don't understand."
Green Music Note watchers4.wav Gaines: "Well why doesn't somebody reason with it? Can't you control it? It's gotta be stopped."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipwatchers1.mpg - 2.1m
Monsters hate Jason Priestly on a bike.

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Internet Movie Database


Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 2 [3]
Watchers
Reply #17. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Sean Freel
Oh, Canada makes that many bad movies? I didn't know and I live in the capital... well at least we have James Cameron.
This movie butchers the book, dont get meh started. Travis was Nora's husband in the first and he was in special forces and he kicked ass. Now he's a little s**theaded brat who makes love to the dog. Let's not talk about that "twist" if it had happened in the book I would have puked and burned my copy. Johnson was a nice guy who was held back by his job and even lets the dog go in the end.
He was African too, *cough*Ironside*cough*
Avoid unless you liked The Stand, ababuah
Watchers
Reply #18. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Outsider
I 've read the book, it's still one of my favorite ones. But this film has nothing to do with the book. Travis is an inbred child, and the OXCOM is gay.
The Outsider is supposed to be nothing, neither a dog, nor a monkey.
Watchers
Reply #19. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Total Nut
THAT was Jason Priestley? Or was it a different Jason Priestley? Even without the extra weight I wouldn't see any resemblance.
Re: Watchers
Reply #20. Posted on August 16, 2008, 01:03:32 AM by NiJBro
Wow...I've just read the book, and I absolutely LOVED it, but....this movie looks like s**t. I mean, you didn't even mention anything about the Outsider (*NOT* the OXCOM) tracking down the dog....and all of the main characters are kids!! >< I'm sure it's a good-ish movie and all, but...come on. It's movies like this that makes me make SURE I read the book first.  Thumbdown Thumbdown Thumbdown
Re: Watchers
Reply #21. Posted on September 27, 2009, 03:10:34 AM by Nathan Hofstad
 I can't freaking believe it. As I've grown older and wiser, I've come to understand and accept the fact that when a book is made into a film, not every detail or plot point is going to make it onto the screen. There's budget constraints, a resonable running time to keep track of, difficulty of visually achieving some scenes in the book, etc. Some characters, even if they're well-written and awesome, are ultimately not 100% vital to the plot and can be cut out.
  Still, the fact that someone desecrated Watchers in this way makes me both furious and sad at the same time. hot The book this movie was based on is a true work of art, a "desert island" novel if there ever was one. How badly did this flick mutilate the book? I'll just say extremely, unforgivably badly, and leave it at that.
 Andrew, I don't pretend to know if you're as much of a book person as you are a B-movie person, but I certainly hope this film doesn't dissuade you from picking up a copy of the novel. It's a true gem.

 P.S. This is one of the few books I read where I actually felt awful for the main villian.  Bluesad
Re: Watchers
Reply #22. Posted on September 27, 2009, 07:00:20 AM by Andrew
Andrew, I don't pretend to know if you're as much of a book person as you are a B-movie person, but I certainly hope this film doesn't dissuade you from picking up a copy of the novel. It's a true gem.

I was fortunate to read the book long before I encountered the movie.  It has been years since I last read it, but I liked the book a lot.
Re: Watchers
Reply #23. Posted on April 03, 2012, 11:40:35 PM by clubseal
I know it's about three years too late, but if we're talking about desecration, look at what Hollywood (or its backwoods counterpart) did to F. Paul Wilson's The Keep. A crying shame.
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